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This is a letter that I hope is seen by a Home Depot employee named Randy. Randy was really nice… very chatty… when I came into Home Depot today to get the materials for a fort my girlfriend and I are going to be building with our kids this weekend. I love chatty employees. :)

Open Letter to the AntiGay Home Depot Employee

Randy and another employee were talking about how America is going downhill because of the jobs being outsourced, etc. I chimed in, agreeing with most of what they said. The employee (not Randy) asked what I did for a job. I told him I was a blogger. Randy and the other employee asked what I blogged about, so I told them – a little of this, a little of that… recipes.. controversy – they asked for my blog address, and said it sounded like it would be fun to read.

Then the employee asked if I blogged about politics. I said no, because I'm not really passionate either way on most subjects to be able to debate them. Randy said he was! So I told him he should start a blog about politics. :) Then he said “Well, I was just raised differently. People don't think like I do.” Sounds like a recipe for controversy to me!

What Randy said next made my jaw drop.

“Those gays… ya know… this country is in the crapper because of things like that. Them trying to take marriage and turn it into something different… I can't stand it.”

There I am, just standing there, staring at him. Like, please tell me you did not just say that? At this point, I'm guessing his gaydar is broken – and I forgot to wear my big rainbow “I'M A LESBIAN” t-shirt. So, I just smile and nod.

The other employee is looking at Randy, not sure what to say. He didn't seem to want to agree with him, but he probably didn't want to start a war. I started to push my cart away, to pretend to look for something else in another aisle, when Randy started talking again.

“Family… man what ever happened to family? We can't even have families anymore. Gay marriage should be banned in all 50 states! But you know that won't happen cuz the GLB..whatever that gay organization is, they'd be marching downtown saying how they wanted marriage too!”

I just smiled, nodded, and walked away. He tried to ask me about a chicken recipe as I was walking out of the aisle. I wanted to scream at him.

Guess what? I'm a lesbian AND a vegetarian, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

.

But… I didn't. I just walked away. I hope he finds my blog and I hope he reads this.

This is a family, Randy.

Dear Randy,

.
It was really nice chatting with you today. You said your wife would love to read my blog, and you said you would, too. You thought that it was interesting that I blogged about controversy, even though most moms don't like to. Then, our conversation got derailed. Just when I was about to mention my girlfriend and how she loves to cook, too, you started talking about politics and gay marriage. Why you had to ruin our nice conversation is beyond me, but I took it in stride. I listened to you with an open mind, and gave you the floor.

When you said gays were ruining marriage, I wanted to ask you to clarify. HOW are gays ruining YOUR marriage? Does your wife want to leave you for a woman? Are you going to leave her for a gay man? Are you addicted to gay porn or something? I mean, how exactly, is me being in love with my girlfriend, a bother – at all – to your marriage?

You're my age, or maybe older, so I don't think you can use the excuse of “how you were raised” any longer. It's time you get your own thoughts together, and use your own brain. And if you still decide that gays are so horrible, then fine. But come to your own conclusion.

Why do you think it's okay to tell someone that type of thing, anyway? My 5 year old was with me. Luckily she was distracted with her baby doll, but if she had heard you… she would have been upset. You were basically telling her that her parents are ruining this country. Really? Because I can think of 100 other things that would ruin this country before love would.

This country is being ruined because of close-minded bigots, and because of people like me that don't open their mouths and educate people like you, like I should have today.. I should have stood up to you. I should have told you what I really thought and felt. I should have somehow tried to change your mind, but I didn't want to be the “crazy lesbian woman” you saw at the store today. I just wanted to get my damn PVC pipe fittings and go home to my family – my girlfriend and kids- and build a fort. If that ruins your marriage, then your marriage wasn't very strong to begin with.

Sincerely,

Sadie

aka
The lesbian you insulted at the store today

P.S. I am not mad at Randy. I'm sad. I'm disappointed because he seemed like a great guy – and he might be a great guy, but I don't even care to find out after the hurtful words he shared with me today.

Shared by LGBTQ Nation, One Million Moms, 1 Million Moms against One Million Moms, and many others – THANK YOU!

Tags : lgbtrants
SlapDashMom
Sadie Mae is a Lifestyle blogger living in Arizona with her three daughters. Her passions including traveling, healthy living, and teaching women how to work from home so they can spend more time with their kids.

289 Comments

  1. I’m sorry you were offended by Randy. When someone can make an offhand remark that indicates he thinks you’re less than human, it hurts. But think of all you might have done if you had calmly replied, “Randy, I think your mistaken. My girlfriend and I have a great family. We don’t want to ruin anything for anyone. Have a nice day.”

    No, you’re not likely to have changed Randy’s mind in that instance, but you might have encouraged his co-workers not to silently stand by the next time he spews.

    You don’t have to stand up to him to stand up for yourself.

  2. I rue the day someone coined the phrase “civil union”. In a sane world couples would get “united”, and those who wanted to have a religious ceremony would also get married. The phrase “civil union” is so clumsy and obviously second class, it’s undermined an obvious cure for this problem: The secular government shouldn’t be basing rights and privileges on a religious status, and should stop using the word “married”

  3. You’re a wonderful role model and person, your family is beautiful in that photo and I give you complete credit for staying reasonable in your letter when you have every reason to completely lose it in the face of such ignorance and bigotry. I’m hopeful that very soon our country’s laws will afford you the same courtesies as every other citizen and until then, just by virtue of the loving family that you are, you blast away evey one of the bigots’ arguments simply by your very existence! Stay strong, so many of us stand with you.

  4. You were way too kind. I’m not gay but totally support equal rights for all. I have a feeling I would have laid into him loudly, and reported him to his employer for having such a horrible employee who probably shouldn’t be sharing his opinion, no matter how misinformed, with customers…

    And your family is amazing. God bless you and yours.

  5. And, yes, I understand your daughter was with you . . . and how proud of you would she be that you defended her family against that pompous ass?

    1. My 5 year old did not hear the conversation, thankfully. I don’t do things to make my 5 year old proud… I do things to keep her safe, healthy, and happy. Avoiding heated homophobic conversations is on that list.

      1. I would bet that most of the people that are blasting you for not saying something to this guy in the moment, do not have kids.

        And even if they do, they are not you. And your child is not their child. I’m not saying confronting him is the right or wrong thing to do, but I do think a mother’s instinct and assessment of, what could be a sticky situation, is the right choice.

        1. That is my guess as well. Most mothers would NOT respond to a comment like this with their children present because they KNOW the “momma bear” could come out of them at ANY moment if the other person says something wrong. I’d rather my daughter see me handle myself with class and dignity.

  6. Hello Sadie I am truly sorry you and your daughter had to go through that .
    Sometimes its better to get what you need and leave the store you never know what you will encounter.
    let me start by saying i am a married man have a wife and 5 girls raise them the best way we know how and can. We teach them tolerance of others and not to judge other people.
    I read your blog from a face book posting i received. I also read some of the replies and they seem all to agree with you or to be concerned
    Sadie In you blog I think you never once mentioned why you believed in gay marriage or why you would want to take a institution like marriage and redefine it Why was it so important to you to take a civil and religious union between a man a and a woman and turn it into something that has no meaning now . I saw your picture you have a beautiful family all of them I believe in your struggle for equal rights for gays it is none of my business who you sleep with or how you live your life. By your blog
    you seem to be a well rounded person and a good mother to your children and that’s what counts
    Don’t think bad of other people who disagree with you. We are not monsters or come from a different plant , We just have a difference of opinion We believe in the sanctity of marriage as strong as you believe in equal rights for you Open your mind find common ground be understanding that others may have a different view point and believe in it strongly As I said I saw your picture you have a beautiful FAMILY !!!!! and saying your married or not wont change that at all.

    1. You’re right, saying we are married won’t change that. But it will grant us thousands of rights we are denied now because we cannot get married. Thanks for stopping by. :)

      1. Pat on what the rest of the world thinks.... says:

        Sir Elton John is legally married to another man, and is a father. He was knighted by the world leader of my church who is highly respected the world over. Before the queen mother’s status elevated to being married to the ruling king in the 1930’s, Her Highness was involved in rescuing gay men who were being persecuted in the UK. This business of judging what others choose to be right for themselves is a very *ignorant* practice only condoned by people who can’t think for themselves and who blame religion for their abusive fearful behavior. From what I have been seeing in the way of responses on this blog, those who want to hide behind religion to be judgemental can’t think for themselves enough to be changed by what we write here so trying to persuade them seems to be a waste of time.

        1. Pat on what the rest of the world thinks – Wow! I did not know that about the queen. I’m loving her even more now!

          1. @Joyce, hopefully you picked up on the fact that it was the Queen MOTHER who was involved with a group rescuing gay men from jail, BEFORE she found out that her brother in law was abdicating and that her husband would be king. I have an article somewhere around, written by one of those men, including thanks for my grandmother who was also involved. In spite of the fact that the figurehead of the Church of England, (Anglican), can show respect for differences in belief systems, to the point of including Muslim leaders in her travels, we still get fanatical factions within that church where small local leaders insist that marriages aren’t appropriate – in spite of the queen knighting Elton John. I guess there will be closed minded phobics out there for a long time, as we are seeing in some answers here.

          2. Pat – thank you again for the info!

      2. More and more rights are being granted to gay people all the time
        So why is it so important to say your married if its only rights you want?
        You should be afforded all the rights married people have .
        and keep your civil unions Thanks for the reply

        1. I never said it was only rights I wanted. I want everyone to be equal. If I don’t get as many rights, why do I have to pay as many taxes? If you knew anything about civil unions you’d know that they are missing about 1,000 rights that marriages grant…

        2. “Bert says: More and more rights are being granted to gay people all the time
          So why is it so important to say your married if its only rights you want?”

          Gee Bert, why is it so important for YOU to say you are married to the person you have a lifetime commitment to, and can you please explain how and why you think Sadie’s situation is any different than yours? While you are claiming to understand what Sadie and her partner need, you are judging them in the next breath of your statements. They have exactly the same commitment to each other, financially, emotionally, etc., to what you have but you would deny them the same privileges because they are different to your situation? Just doesn’t compute for me.

          1. Did Bert just say “more and more rights are being granted every day to gays”????? Are you effing kidding me? If your narrow view of family is that of one man/one woman then that is your right, go get married, call her your wife, and get all of the priviliges that come along with that entitlement. You should also allow the rest of us to do the same, regardless of the sex of the person we are marrying. Period! There is no rational argument agianst allowing marriage equality, none. It’s all based on fear and religion, and religious points of view have no ruling in our country or over our constitution. I don’t choose to be gay, but I sure as heck do choose who I will MARRY and call my HUSBAND!

          2. I’m sorry you dont understand perhaps if you look at another point of view other than your own you will. For those who understand (and it’s the majority)no explanation is necessary and for those that dont no explanation will serf-ice If you had read my earlier post you would have read that families come in all situations You need not be married to have a family . And so you understand our constitution was based on religion

          3. Thank God for amendments!

    2. Bert, Bert, Bert,

      wow.

      Maybe you’d better go back and re-read what you wrote to Sadie in your post starting with “Hello Sadie I am truly sorry you and your daughter had to go through that . Sometimes its better to get what you need and leave the store you never know what you will encounter.” …

      Sorry for the sarcasm, but there’s just too many things wrong with your post. Ugh! It’s late, I’m not even going to start on it tonight. Maybe tomorrow…

  7. I think it was cowardly of you to not speak up. I am a straight woman, married to a man, with kids, and I have been fighting for GLBT rights since I was 15. I wouldn’t marry this gorgeous med student my Mom set me up with back in 1982, for the sole reason that he did not feel the same as I did when it came to gay rights, and I could and would never be with anyone who didn’t. That’s how important it is to me. One main problem I have seen over the years is people’s refusal and fear to speak up in situations such as yours. And yes, in case anyone is going to jump down my throat and bring up how hard it is and how scary it can be to be open about it, I spent 12 years working with suicidal gay youth. I AM AWARE. That is why, when you are someone who is openly living in a gay relationship or is openly gay, you should never let someone like Randy get away with that crap. Your silence, you can bet, to his ignorant ears, was agreement. I’ve heard it said and I myself have said a million times, that the best thing that would help the GLBT community is if every single GLBT individual came out. Since that will never happen, I feel that those that do feel strong and brave enough to handle people like Randy owe it to those still locked in their closets. It’s too bad you didn’t. I just hope your children weren’t with you. They need to be taught to be proud of their family, and I think you sent just the opposite message. I’m sure you are proud of your family, but to me, that means standing up for yourselves, and in that aspect, I think you handled this situation completely wrong.

    1. I think it was anything but cowardly, and I think I handled it the best way I could with my child present, but we are all entitled to our own opinions.

    2. Whitni,
      Cowardly is a very strong adjective to throw around.

      Plus, it’s helpful to actually READ THE PIECE before you write a comment. Her young daughter WAS with her, and her daughter did not hear what the man said. I’m sure if she had, and if she was old enough to understand the hateful words, then Sadie would have had a completely different situation on her hands and would have confronted him on the issue.

      On a positive note, I applaud your enthusiasm on this issue, and I appreciate the work you have done. I’m sure working with those kids was heartbreaking and would explain why you used such harsh words to describe Sadie’s actions.

      1. You are right about one thing…I did not read correctly that her daughter was present, but in my opinion that even makes me feel stronger about how differently she should have handled it. I’m not saying she should have acted disrespectful, raised her voice or behaved in an embarrassing manner in any way whatsoever. She should have spoken up to him though. It doesn’t matter that her daughter hadn’t heard the conversation. This would have been the perfect opportunity to be a role model and show that you will not quietly sit by while someone puts down your family and their values. Not only would I have handled Randy differently, but I would have then gone to the manager and spoken to him/her as well. Courage is doing the right thing in the face of opposition. Stand up for yourself and your family! Be an example for your daughter. Silence is simply teaching her to take that crap from people and to remain quiet and submissive in the face of bigotry.

        1. I took it as an opportunity to be a role model and walk away. It takes COURAGE to walk away. If I was SILENT, thousands of people would not have seen this post because it would not exist.

          1. I completely disagree with you. It takes absolutely ZERO courage to walk away. Walking away from bigots and others like Randy has been done for centuries…people walked away while the Jews were led to the concentration camps, people walked away while African Americans were tormented or even attacked and killed, people have always walked away. It’s only when people stand up that any change occurs.
            “Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles;
            Cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances.
            Courage breeds creativity; Cowardice represses fear and is mastered by it.
            Cowardice asks the question, is it safe?
            Expediency ask the question, is it politic?
            Vanity asks the question, is it popular?

            But conscience ask the question, is it right? And there comes a time when we must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because it is right.”
            ― Martin Luther King Jr.
            Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of the colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. Each time a person stands up for an idea, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, (s)he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
            – Robert F. Kennedy
            Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.
            – Haile Selassie
            I swore never to be silent whenever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.
            – Elie Weisel
            For the last 6 years I have worked 5 hours a day within the public school system, at a high school. Kids, especially the gay teens (closeted or not), are constantly bullied, and people, including staff members, walk away. They turn their backs and walk away. The kids I counsel, when they are telling me about their experiences of prejudice against them, the one thing I always hear is about how people walked away. In the school I work I have been the sole staff member to go to the principal’s office and complain and report on the apathy I had witnessed from the vice principals and even from the principal himself. Do I now have the reputation in their eyes of being a pain in the ass? Absolutely!! Do I care? Absolutely!! I’m thrilled! You know why?? Because I cannot count the number of times one of those students who had to listen to gay slurs, or hear the word ‘fag’ being thrown around, has come up to me, some with tears in their eyes, and thanked me for standing up to that crap. Walking away is NEVER courageous.

          2. You can quote people all day long but anyone who has been in a potentially heated situation with their child – where they WANTED so badly to say something but KNEW it was not the right time or place – they know it takes a LOT of courage and strength to walk away. And just as much to put their story out there for the world to read and offer their unsolicited opinions on. To say “walking away is NEVER courageous” is not only a bold and incorrect statement, it tells me that you have very limited life experiences. Working with gay teens doesn’t MAKE you gay, and it doesn’t give you a free pass to be rude.

        2. WHITNI:
          SO, you are saying that if any bigot in the vicinity of Sadie and her young children says or does anything homophobic, that Sadie should confront that person, even if her children are happy and blissfully unaware that anything even happened??? And, that you think that is necessary for her to do this to set a good example for her child and completely cowardly if she does not??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? Do you know why parents spend so much time worrying about “age appropriate” lessons and education for our kids, from the toys we pick out to the conversations we have with them??? BECAUSE EXPOSING A 5 YEAR OLD TO EVERY PEICE OF HATRED DIRECTED TOWARD HER AND HER FAMILY, WHEN SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW OR UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS, WILL DO NOTHING TO MAKE HER COPE BETTER WITH IT LATER. IT WILL ONLY MAKE HER FEARFUL AND INSECURE. NOW, if she was a highschooler, as the kids that you work with are, and very aware and capable of understanding the hate directed towards her, than that would be different TOTALLY DIFFERENT. (Hence the term, “AGE- APPROPRIATE”)

          Since you deem youself worthy to lay down such harsh judgement on Sadie, I will judge you:
          I can see why you have a professional reputation for being a pain in the ass. But I don’t think it’s because you are a loud Mother Teresa for gay teens, as you claim to be, I would bet it’s because you only see things in black and white and it makes you ignorant, narrow-minded, and likely very unsuccessfull in the big picture and long term help with these kids.

          1. HEATHER and BILL MULLIGAN–Read what she originally wrote. We are not talking about some violent bigot who was being physically threatening. According to her, Randy was a mild mannered, polite young man with bigoted ideas. I did not tell her to scream at him, hit him, cause a scene, or even raise her voice. I told her I did not agree with her simply walking away without speaking up to him, and that I think she should have also reported him to the manager. To the average person, silence=agreement. All of this could have been done without causing any harm or negative influence on her daughter if handled correctly. And by the way, I do not have a ‘reputation’ of being a pain in the ass at all, except to the vice principals and principal where I work. I would gladly stand up to them again too. I have watched the kids in the cafeteria scream the most horrible and threateningly violent things at the gay kids, even going so far as to tell them to “go home and kill yourself”, and have seen the staff do NOTHING, because most of the kids throwing the threats around were their beloved jocks! (Our school is known for its football team). The staff is no longer allowed to handle those situations in the same way, action was taken, and it DID make a difference. I also do realize that nothing is black and white, and teach this to the kids I counsel all of the time as well. As for your saying that I am “likely very unsuccessful in the big picture and long term help with these kids”– I’ve spent 17 years in the psych field helping these kids, have received numerous forms of recognition for my work, have helped organize the pride parades in 3 different countries, have started the first gay-straight alliance support groups at 2 different high schools, and on a very regular basis have past clients come up to me or write to me telling me what a difference I made in their lives, or in some cases, while working the suicide hot line, actually stopped them from killing themselves. I could go on and on, but I have yet another gay teen staying with us right now whose family kicked him out, and he needs my attention right now more than you. I do not see myself as a Mother Teresa for gay youth. Most of my current co-workers don’t even know about everything I’ve done or still do, because I do not go around bragging about it. The only reason I even mention it here is because you are talking to someone who has dedicated her life to helping the GLBT community, and has been present at too many funerals of kids who were being bullied. Thank you for your replies. I find it very useful to print and use these conversations in our group meetings. I still stand by what I said before…I completely disagree with the way she handled this situation, and if everyone “walked away” no progress would ever be made.

          2. @Whitni

            One of the things continued life experiences teaches a person is that there are times and places when saying something is NOT the best course of action. Whether the potential for it to get heated exists or not. In addition, body language and reactions speak loudly, so while she may have been *silent* and non confrontational, my bet is that the other employee at the very least sensed the tension and was smart enough to at least figure out she didn’t agree…..And even if not, sometimes it’s okay to let it go….let it be…and carry on our days…and blog about it later ;)

            Because we learn not only how situations can go, but how we as an individual {and mother} are as well. There are a million ways she could have approached the situation at the time without it getting heated, but maybe she felt like in that moment, for that situation, it was not the best path to take? There is nothing cowardly about following one’s instincts and intuition….it is not bravery to confront EVERY situation in life that is against how you believe. Sometimes, bravery and courage….and confidence….is in the walking away.

            Had her daughter heard what was happening, she could than have opened the door for discussion in the vehicle on the way home. But even still what an amazing lesson to being teaching her now – even simply by actions – that not every circumstance requires confrontation.

            My bet is Randy would be more *teachable* out of the moment….perhaps writing HIM a letter {and leaving management out of it} is the answer….you have time to organize and think our your thoughts and issues with what he said, without cause for conflict.

            :)

    3. Whitni, it’s kind of astonishing that you feel confident enough in your understanding of the situation to call her cowardly when it is obvious you did not read what she wrote with anything approaching the level of comprehension needed to make that judgment. She clearly wrote “My 5 year old was with me. Luckily she was distracted with her baby doll, but if she had heard you… she would have been upset.” but somehow that escaped the eye of Detective Whitni.

      Your work with youth is commendable but that does not give you permission to behave boorishly.

    4. I think I would have stayed quiet with my child there too to be honest. If he knew Sadie was a lesbian and that her daughter was the child of a lesbian, he may have gone after her daughter during the argument that I’m sure would have followed. I think it’s important that the children of the GLBT community be introduced into the idea that they have a “different” family in a better manner at an appropriate age, not through hearing someone angry about it and arguing with their mom.
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    5. I think it’s important for you to learn to read, Whitni. It’s NEVER cowardly to walk away while your 5 year old is with you even when your heart and mind is telling you to tell a bigot off. She was playing with her DOLL and paying no mind to this idiot, however, if Sadie HAD told him off, she would have been ALL EARS, and probably bawling her eyes out because of the confrontation. Randy would have been yelling, Sadie would have been yelling, it would have been UGLY. No 5 year old should have to see that EVER. I don’t care who you are, or what cause you’ve been behind for the last umpteen million years, it’s just something that you do NOT do. I also think that your judging attitude is ugly. But again, that’s my personal opinion. I think you need to remember that not everyone is going to jump on the “kill the bigot with words” train, anytime soon. He was also at WORK. She chose not to call attention to that fact, or to even call the company because she’s hoping he sees this at some point. He has children at home and Sadie doesn’t want him to lose his job. Something that there are some people who are very proud of her for doing. Not every asshole needs to be thrown under the bus, and maybe, when she visits Home Depot by herself, she’ll talk to him again, and do what you’re asking her to do, but NEVER with her kids….
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    6. Whitni – Sadie is a mom first, an activist after.

      It is important to stand up for rights when your children are around so they can stand up for themselves. But it also depends on the age of the children. If Sadie had been returning an item that had never been opened and the store was telling her they wouldn’t take it back, THAT would be a good example for younger children.

      If Sadie had said anything to Randy and it effected her child people would be writing how she shouldn’t of said anything.

  8. I wish you would forward this to the Home Depot management where you live. I’m in a hurry, haven’t read all the comments. Maybe someone else is prompting you to do the same thing. Sorry to be repetitive if they are. I just think that with Home Depot’s long-time support of partner benefits, etc., management wouldn’t tolerate that kind of insulting behavior out of an employee toward a customer. They NEED to KNOW.

  9. Sadie, a lot of great posts here. My nickel’s-worth: I agree with Kevin (not surprising since I am 58. I have never been personally subjected to the homophobes, except behind my back from family. But for all things I am out-spoken.

    Since you probably want to return to that Home Depot, I would suggest a call to find out the name of that store’s general manager–making an appointment for a visit. In a person private meeting, share the experience with the GM. Randy’s views on gays is contrary to Home Depot’s. His views are not relevant to performing exceptional customer service to all. Let the manager know that this time a sale wasn’t lost. You could have left not having made a purchase. Aside from Randy sharing his homophobic views he provided good service. Share all of that with the store manager.

    My personal philosophy is when I have great service I share right then with the manager. When I have really bad service (and I want to return) I share right then with the manager. And I don’t bother sharing when I don’t plan to return.

    And lastly, I was busted by ABC’s “What Would You Do?” when a homophobic waitress railed about the gay family dining. I bit my tongue until she addressed the children of the couple. And then I lost it and gave it to her. After I was embarrassed at my own outburst. But the only thing I would do differently is next time is to better control my temper. I realize for this time I had my buttons pushed by an actress, still I need better control. But the word must be spread.

    As a suggestion for your next time, if all played the same, I would say “thank you for your help. I have the supplies that my wife and I need to get our kids’ fort built.’ Saying it in the polite tone you exercised. and then just leaving Randy standing there (with egg on his face).

  10. Sadie,
    Here is a topic I’d love to see you blog about – and maybe even create something of a trend.

    Why do gays and lesbians who are in lifetime commited relationships refer to their mates as partners or boyfriends or girlfriends? Each of those terms seems so – well, unfitting. Partner sounds totally impersonal and boy/girlfriend sounds teeny-bopperish and temporary. I can understand not wanting to use a double “husband” or “wife” term – that’s sto;; a little confusing, at least for some folks.

    I think a perfectly good term for gays and lesbians to use when speaking of their “better half” is this: Spouse. For example, what do you think sounds better:
    My girlfriend and I took our kids to Home Depot to buy materials for their tree house.
    or
    My spouse and I took our kids to Home Depot to buy materials for their tree house.

    To me, the second sounds much better. What do you think?

    1. Spouse sounds great but it implies that we are married, which unfortunately is not possible in our state. :( I do say partner, sometimes, because it seems that it makes people LESS uncomfortable. I don’t mind using girlfriend, partner, wife, better half… but if I said wife or spouse I feel that people would then ask when we got married and it would be a big conversation about how we will get married.. when we can. Ya know?

    2. Steve Craddock – My female gay cousin is married and they refer to each other as ‘wife’. My son will be getting married and they will refer to each other as ‘husband’.

  11. Whitni, you quoted Dr. Martin Luther King Jr in reference to courage. Dr. King would also agree that it is often courageous to walk away from a potentially harmful situation when children are involved. There were many days when my parents were involved in black v white riots in our community, when white people would come by the dark of night to terrorize our neighborhood. To keep us safe during the day, when white men would drive down our streets in their cars jeering and leering at the teenage girls and little girl children, our parents would not allow us to play outside alone. They would not aggressively challenge these men because the scene that would be invoked would be detrimental to the children. When nightfall came, the children and some of the women would be escorted from the neighborhood to safer places – us to our grandmothers house. The men and some of the women would stay behind to protect our homes and our neighborhood, which was self sufficient.

    Sometimes the best thing to do IS to walk away.
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  12. Well anyone that knows Sadie, knows she believes in herself; and is not one to back down or cower when it comes to her life. BUT also those of us that know Sadie know that her children come first. The world is cruel and to subject her daughter (a 5 year old no less) to the remarks Randy could have made or the reaction he could have given, would have not been in her child’s best interest. Sadie took the high road, for her child. Sadie was not thinking about herself and when it comes to being a Mommy- lesbian or not, I would hope we would all protect our innocent children from things they shouldn’t have to worry about; or be concerned with. Sometimes it can’t be helped; but when it can, it is best! I applaud Sadie for her containment in this situation. I am not quite sure why people are so quick to judge and pass judgment in situations such as this. Sadie I feel you handled the situation and yourself not only as a wonderful parent; but as a wonderful human being!
    Becky Ryan-Willis recently posted..We All Bleed Red…Don’t We?My Profile

  13. Hi, Sadie. I discovered your blog via a Facebook post from the “One Million Human Beings Against One Million Moms” Facebook page that I “liked.” If you don’t mind, I’ll start by sharing what I wrote there:

    “Not being gay myself, it’s hard to put myself in this woman’s shoes and imagine how I’d respond to something like this. My first instinct was to wonder why she didn’t complain to the store manager or someone even higher up the chain. Upon further thought, however, I began to question that instinct. I mean, let’s say she complained and the employee was disciplined. At best, that would teach him to keep his mouth shut, but his heart would remained hardened against gays — or would become even more hardened. On the other hand, she could have gently confronted him in hopes of possibly opening his mind just a crack. When you only have a few minutes, though, it’s pretty hard to change views that someone had had a lifetime to form and live with.

    “My best guess is that when faced with that kind of societal oppression, first and foremost one needs to perservere and have hope. I can attest to the fact that some people can be persuaded to change their minds and cast away their prejudices. I am a case in point. When I was younger I was very prejudiced towards gays. I thought they were perverts, and thought nothing of disparaging them. It wasn’t until a series of experiences I had in college, culminating with a friend’s realization that he was bisexual, that I liberated myself from my prejudices.

    “If anyone I know who is part of the LBGT community is reading this, trust me: I know it is asking a lot of you to spend time and effort trying to convince people to respect your most basic human rights! After all, I am sure there are things you would rather be doing, such as simply living and enjoying your life. On the other hand, for what it is worth: those of you are making the effort are not doing so in vain. You are creating a better world. I am certainly grateful for the gay people I have known who were patient with me, and helped me see how I could become a better person. I know I caused some people some pain along the way, and I really regret that. I can only hope that what I do going forward will make up for those sins in some small way.

    “For what it’s worth, those are my thoughts.”

    I hadn’t been back here until my good friend, Bill Mulligan (who also posted in your blog) asked me if I had been keeping up with the comments (which I hadn’t been)? He mentioned that in addition to well-wishers and supporters were some sanctimonious types condemning gay marriage, and busybodies who know better than you how you should have handled the situation. How sad I am to see he is correct (both sad because I wish people wouldn’t subject you to this sort of thing, but also because I hate it when he is right about anything. Because now he’ll just be insufferable. But that’s not the point. What was I talking about, again? Oh, yes…)

    To those who oppose gay marriage, I can only say: I once thought like you did (not about gay marriage specifically, as that wasn’t in the headlines back before I learned to accept homosexuality as just another way for people to be, but about gays in general). I know the rationalizations, the lies-accepted-as-facts, the paralogisms, and the nonsensical justifications. I know them because I used them or people around me did while I nodded like one of those bobble-head thingies. You can’t come up with something I haven’t said or heard. I can only say I would urge you to stop uncritically accepting these hateful “ideas” presented to you by your parents, religous leaders, or whomever. If I can’t convince you to do it because it’s better to love others than to hate them, how about doing it for yourself? I was much happier when I cast off the yoke of prejudice. The universe is surprisingly nice like that — so often doing what’s right for others is good for yourself.

    As for those who seem to know how Sadie should have handled this, I think Sadie can be trusted to keep her own counsel about how best to respond to things like this, OK? I think one of the things that must be the most frustrating about being part of a marginalized group is that every-freakin’-body thinks they know better than you what you should be doing. Sadie is not a lesbian who happens to be an individual. She’s an individual who happens to be a lesbian. She has every right to follow her own instincts about how to respond to such situations.

    I wish we didn’t have to have this conversation at all, by the way. It would be nice if saying “I’m a lesbian” were like saying “I have brown hair” — nothing to be hidden, but not particularly noteworthy, either. Until that day, I hope, Sadie, you can keep the faith. Slowly but steadily I think things are turning in your favor.

    I do have to express my moral disapproval of your vegetarianism, though. I mean, what are you, some kind of monster???

    1. Wow, awesome response! I don’t even know what to say. I love how you write… very inspirational… and I am amazed that you used to think that way but have opened your mind and have changed! It’s just, very inspiring. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, I appreciate it.

      1. Sadie, I appreciate your kind words, but “inspiring?” Dunno if I’ve earned that. For one thing, if there’s such a thing as karma, I think I have a lot of catching up to do.

        BTW, one epiphany I recently had is that it’s best for those of us heterosexuals who have come to accept homosexuals as fellow human beings not to act like we’re doing the LGBT world a favor or anything (yeah — I’m looking at YOU, Whitni!). For the longest time I was so very proud of myself for being “Mister Acceptance.” A few weeks ago, though, I read an opinion piece in The Atlantic by Ta Nehisi-Coates (an excellent writer and thinker, by the way, and well-worth reading) that discussed his own journey toward acceptance. He was grateful for the gay people who helped open his mind, rather than expecting them to be grateful to him. After reading that, I realized that I don’t deserve any pats on the back or high fives simply because I’ve learned to see past someone’s sexuality and to recognize their unique individuality and humanity. I mean, for Christ’s sake, that’s the bear MINIMUM any of us should be doing for each other! Expecting accolades for that is like expecting someone to say, “Gee, Bill, you haven’t murdered anyone today. GREAT JOB!”

        Why we as human beings have to make this stuff so complicated remains a great mystery to me. We slap a label on someone: gay/lesbian/bisexual/transsexual, black, asian, jew, arab, or whatever, and all we can see is the label. Even those of us with good intentions (and I do like to think I have good intentions) can often make the mistake of seeing the label first and the person second. I know I’ve been guilty of meeting a gay person and without meaning to trying to act like I just LOVED that person even though I didn’t know him or her. Like somehow I’d prove just how wonderfully “tolerant” I was that way. That’s really not much better than hating someone just because they’re gay. You’re still just seeing the label rather than the person.

        I’ve met some wonderful gay people in my life, and I’m grateful for that. I’ve also known some gay people who, in retrospect, are people I should have avoided. I’ve yet to find a group of people who are all good or all bad. People are people, no matter what “group” they can be lumped into. Some are great, some are not. Sexuality doesn’t determine someone’s moral character, any more than race, gender, or any of the other ways we’ve come up with to classify each other.

        Jesus, I do tend to go on, don’t I? Sadie, thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I think it’s important for those of us who don’t have to put up with this shit on a daily basis to be aware that for some people, it’s a part of their reality. Ultimately, we’re all in this together. If we allow society to trample on some people’s rights, then no one’s rights are truly safe. I want to be the kind of person who stands up for the rights of others. Not because I see myself as a hero swooping down to save you all, but because I’d like to know that other people will stand up for my rights should it become necessary.

        I try not to wish for things that just aren’t real, and wishing that we didn’t have to talk about this won’t make it go away. But I do want to say that I’m sorry we’re talking more about these issues and not as much about what a beautiful family you have. I’ve made the decision not to have a family myself, but I have a niece and nephew that I just adore. Have fun watching the kids grow up, because soon they will become teenagers and they won’t be human again until they’re 25! I kid, I kid (well, only somewhat — I was horrible as a teenager)! I hope your shopping trips in the future aren’t marred by mouthy employees who should be helping you rather than sharing their crackpot political views. Since my girlfriend and I bought a house in 2009, I’ve come to rely on Lowes and Home Depot as my lifelines. In fact, I may have to soon replace an old toilet (and I am NOT handy around the house).

        Ironically, I’ve been a supporter of gay marriage (and am happy that New York State, where I live, did the right thing and passed a marriage equality law) but my girlfriend and I have no intention of getting married. If my gay friends want to get married, God bless ’em. Me, I’m going nowhere near that institution. To each his/her own, I guess.

        Sorry for taking up so much real estate here. I swear, I am (probably) done. :)

    2. He’s absolutely correct. I shall now do the “I was right” dance.

    3. I wish we didn’t have to have this conversation at all, by the way. It would be nice if saying “I’m a lesbian” were like saying “I have brown hair” — nothing to be hidden, but not particularly noteworthy, either.

      I could not have said this better myself. This is exactly how I feel. I can’t wait for the day that it won’t be a big deal who is attracted to who. Unfortunately we won’t be here to see it.
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  14. Hello Sadie,

    Why does a man’s penis fit so well into a woman’s hole if it wasn’t the right way of things? Why did God destroy Sodom and Gomorrah? I’m sure you knew why since you were a Sunday School Teacher. What changed then? Your decision to be gay was it because you always felt an urge towards women or did something trigger that? Has it ever dawned on you that you being a Sunday School Teacher would have impacted many lives and that Satan found a way to put you in a different path by your lifestyle? Suppose you die today and woke up to the harsh reality that there is indeed a Heaven and a Hell and you’re heading for the latter because you chose to disregard what God’s Word said? Don’t you think that it might be possible that if you are wrong that you would be tormented for an eternity?

    I don’t condone Randy’s comment either because it is not based on truth. However, I am concerned for your soul Sadie and those of many others reading this who believe that they are right. At the end of it all we will all one day find out the truth and be quite shocked to know that it isn’t what we were led to believe. Sadie it is never too late. Return to Jesus and ask Him into your heart and let Him show you what is the truth. He loves you dearly and wants you to know His Father. Please do so before it is too late for tomorrow does not belong to you.

    1. Shells, I don’t know that your “god” would like your perversion…. the filth coming from your mouth is NOT christian like, at all, and I have no desire to entertain it. If there are people like YOU in heaven, I want a seat in HELL.

    2. I love how you’re touting God’s words to Sadie, and yet, you’re full of condemnation. I’m not a practicing Christian, but I still believe that God exists. I also know that we were never placed on this earth to cast judgements, I believe that it may say something about that somewhere….You know “Judge not, lest ye be judged” I think I remember hearing that somewhere, no? So, why are you placing yourself in the position to be the judge and jury in the way that people live their lives? Did God give you the almighty power to do so, or do you just like to flap your gums (or in this case fingers)?? People like you make me SICK, and are also the reason that I no longer attend church.
      Why does a penis fit into a woman’s “hole?” Well, for the same reason that a penis also fits into another man’s “hole.” It just works. Penises also fit well into a woman’s other “hole” as well. See? I can be as perverse as you, but I refuse to use that perversion to make someone feel bad about the person that they love.
      I hope that someday God taps you on the shoulder and leads you into the right direction, because the way I see it, if Sadie is on her way to hell, you’re not very far behind. Now step out of here and mind your business!
      Melody recently posted..This Weekend In MansfieldMy Profile

    3. Shells why do Christians always say “did you ever stop to think you may be wrong?” Did you? What if there is nothing else? Ashes to Ashes – Dust to Dust.

      It’s not your God that people have a problem with….it’s his goddamned fan club.
      SwankyJay recently posted..Waterproof Jack RabbitMy Profile

    4. A woman has more than one “hole” for a penis Shells… which do you speak of? Mouth, Anus or Vagina? And I disagree too – not all penises “fit so well” into a woman’s hole. Some are too small, some are too big… hell some are crooked! <—- ouch!
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      1. Ah, woman’s hole… you’re correct that there’s more than one. The men have the same hole, minus one. I’m not sure what Shells was thinking with that comment. lmfao @ crooked penis. I love you Sha.

    5. EWWWW! I can’t decide which part ofy our comment is grosser: The first sentence, or the rest of your words that are masked as being friendly but are really just bigoted.

    6. Oh for crying out loud. Aman’s penis and a woman’s hole? Do you mean her VAGINA?
      And personally, I believe Sadie already is in hell so to speak, with you YOU PEOPLE condemn her lifestyle.
      CARRY ON….

    7. Shells, you are a fucking idiot. I created man and women and Sadie here was obviously born a lesbian – it wasn’t a choice but even if it was it was the best choice for her. Since I’m God and I see everything, I’d say other things fit in the holes pretty well too, and it’s not up to YOU to say otherwise. HELLO ANAL SEX!

    8. Seriously, a women’s “hole”. Shells, you’re a women right? Why can’t you even say what it really is? It’s a VAGINA and with that being said it’s totally up to me and Sadie for that matter to decided what we want put in there and by who. I don’t think anyone chooses to be gay, people are born gay. Yup, imagine that, God creates some people that way.

    9. Frankly, I get really sick and tired of people using the word of “God” to judge and brow beat others. I think somewhere in that book they call the Bible it says something about not judging others, plus since you were the one that went all crude, if you must know there are some people that don’t fit in the “hole” as you so crassy call it. Some are too big, some are too small. Some know not what to do with it. So are you saying that these men are being smited by God for their lack of compatability with their mates “hole”? I didn’t know “God” was that mean. Get over yourself my dear!
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    10. “Suppose you die today and woke up to the harsh reality that there is indeed a Heaven and a Hell and you’re heading for the latter because you chose to disregard what God’s Word said?”

      I think Shells, that you should be reading what you write, and taking it to heart. From your comments it is obvious that you know absolutely nothing about homosexuality and are basing your very narrow uninformed OPINION on your own ideas, not reality or biblical truth. Homosexuality is not a choice, nor is it a lifestyle. The bible does not address homosexuality or homosexual relationships, and the 6 verses that address homosexual sex (compared to the over 600 that address heterosexual sexual deviency) can be interpreted in many different ways, most of which have to do with rape, prostitution or codes of conduct for priests.

      You point out Soddom & Ghommorah, but you obviously have very little actual biblical knowledge if you use that as your example because they were destroyed for being inhospitable and greedy (much like our modern day Republican party). They didn’t want to have gay sex with the angels, they wanted to RAPE them to show them who was boss! That is not homosexuality! It is not even heterosexuality. Rape is about power, not sex. I am mind-boggled at how many people still use those passages against gays, it’s actually pretty humorous and shows a sever lack of intellect or even common sense on your part.

      In the end Shells we will all answer for our “sins”. The question is, will you be heralded in heaven for showing people the love that is God, and the sacrifice that is Jesus? Or will be you shamed for turning people off of Him with your small-minded judgement?

      Evil comes in all forms, the most destructive of which passes itself off as good.

      1. Damn Drew….your comment was Da Bomb!!!!
        Wish everyone in the world could read what you wrote.

        It’s terrifying to me how people interpret the Bible to feed the need they have to condemn what they are afraid of…whether they’re afraid because it’s something so different from themselves, or they’re afraid because it’s something they see in themselves that they are trying to bury.

        1. Thank you Heather! I think the world is changing, and we are growing more and more tolerant of each others differences. It will take more time, and a lot more of the kind of ignorance that is spewed out from the “christian” right, but we will eventually get there. We will all be equal to each other one day, just the way God sees us.

      2. “Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” Ezekiel 16:49

    11. Shells – God created everyone, God loves everyone, God tells us not to judge others.

    12. Shells,
      As a Christian, I’m sick and tired of Christians hiding behind their faith. My God created EVERYONE in his own image. I don’t think that Jesus would hate anyone. If you are so worried about someone’s soul, perhaps you should pray for them. Perhaps you should also pray to be more God Like, and love others as Jesus would. It is not anyone’s job to judge, but God’s. END OF DISCUSSION.
      Sincerely,
      A GOOD Christian woman

      1. Tara – Thank You!! I completely agree with you and have said the same about God creating all of us, loving all of us, and He is the only one that gets to judge us. Also, God tells us to ‘hate the sin, love the sinner’, but sadly Christians translate it as ‘hate the sin, love the sinner, just exclude them from anything we don’t want them to be involved in’.

        1. Joyce,
          I am glad to see you appreciated my response. I have grown up in the bible belt. I have lost a loved one to bullying over sexual orientation. There’s too much evil in the world and, sadly, a lot of it comes from faith. It’s ironic, but a lot of Christians chastise other religions for acts of hatred performed due to their religious beliefs, yet continue to do them every day.
          I believe in Jesus, as the son of God, and I believe that if Jesus were to return to Earth today he would embrace all GOOD people, regardless of their sexual orientation. There’s so much war, hate, murder, etc in the world today. I think that loving one another, being respectful, being helpful, and doing good deeds is what is more important in these days.
          Plus, if you’re not willing to evolve as a human, then get ready to sell your daughter off for a cow to who YOU choose, not who she chooses. And let’s get all the stones together and have a good ol’ time at the next stoning. Times have changed, people, and you must evolve as a human or be a neanderthal, your choice.
          Sadie, you are a much better person than me. You are an inspiration and what we should strive to be. I would not have handled the situation as well as you did, and he wasn’t insulting my lifestyle. Your children are lucky to have such a positive role model.
          Tara

        2. Actually, “love the sinner, hate the sin” is a Gandhi quote. Almost no Christians know that. Also, it is almost exclusively used by Christians against LGBT’s, and nowhere else in life. I’ve heard it used once or twice about alcoholism, but that’s pretty much it. The other 99+% is all LGBT-related. There is a bible quote that Christians occasionally reference to say, “See? It DOES say that in the Bible!”, but it’s a pretty bad paraphrase of the Gandhi quote that Christians are so addicted to. It’s pretty funny, actually, that they’re quoting a Hindu while thinking they are being so, so Christian.

          1. ithinktoomuch – I’m so glad you told me that! I researched it on the internet after I read your post. Funny, a pastor’s daughter said that to me one day because one of my son’s is gay and I’m pretty sure she started with “Well, God says to …”

          2. In other words, she inadvertently said Gandhi=God! ROFL!

            “love the sinner, hate the sin” conflicts with Christian doctrine. God DOES hate sinners. Take a read:

            Proverbs 6:16-19
            16 There are six things the Lord hates,
            seven that are detestable to him:
            17 haughty eyes,
            a lying tongue,
            hands that shed innocent blood,
            18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
            feet that are quick to rush into evil,
            19 a false witness who pours out lies
            and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

            God hates “a false witness who pours out lies / and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”, according to this passage of the Bible. Sounds to me a lot like your preacher’s daughter!

          3. Hmm if god hates sinners he hates everyone…

    13. I made it this far without replying or commenting but when I got to Shells comment all I could think was OMG! and truthfully everything else was a blur! As wonderful a book is the Bible, I am tired of it being taken out of context and used as a means of justifying someones evil intent.

      Genesis NIV 19: 4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom —both young and old—surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

      This was to be an act of violence…the act of a gang rape… NOTHING TO DO WITH GAYS!! are you kidding me??

      My God and the Jesus I know is love and nothing less.

      I will pray for Shells soul and for her own awaking.

    14. I’m not a Christian and therefore have no problem telling you, Shells, to go fuck yourself. With whatever will fit in that gaping hole of yours. Because obviously you have a big hole to fill if you can spout that kind of shit and actually believe it.

      Your logic is ridiculous. The penis of another mammal would also fit into a human vagina – Is that God’s design as well? We are people, not puzzle pieces.

      Sadie, I didn’t even realize you were a lesbian. I just knew you were a mom who posts interesting things on Facebook. :) The fact that Randy could talk to you and like you despite disliking you *in theory* says a lot. It says it all, really.

      The fact that he would talk that way in front of your child, even if you weren’t a gay family yourself, makes me want to throw fists! How dare he.
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      1. This just made my day!
        I resisted all of my urges to basically tell her what you did in your first line of your comment. Beliver/non believer, it doesn’t much matter IMHO. I think that we should ALL learn to be more tolerable of other people’s beliefs and feelings. You don’t have to approve of what happens in another’s bedroom, just love one another.

  15. Is there any way to stop further posts from coming to my email address or do I have to direct your messages to my trash box? These posts are now coming from fanatics and self absorbed nut cases and I have no interest in reading what they say.

    1. I think there is a box, maybe, to unsubscribe. I will look and see if I can unsub you on my side. Sorry!

    2. At the bottom of the email is says: Want less email? Modify your Subscription Options. “Subscription Options” is highlighted to click on.

  16. to shells,
    I have to say you have to be one of the most ignorant people ever. first of all whether someone is gay or not is not a choice. if it were do you really think that so many people would choose a lifestyle that they have to be constantly persecuted for?? Constantly forced to feel inferior because of closed minded bible thumping ignorant imbeciles as yourself?? There are so many people in this day and age that are turning to suicide because of the close minded and bible brain washed idiots like you and I am going to guess your children, because Im sure you force your children to breath the same pile of crap that you insist on spewing here, rather than trying to raise open minded and well rounded children to help this world and this society rather than bringing it down.
    secondly, just because someone is gay does not mean that they dont believe in god. its amazing how many idiots insist on playing the religion card just because some one is gay. Let me ask you, do you cut your hair? because that is forbidden also in the bible (lev 19:27) were you a virgin when you when you were married? do you talk to other people when you have your period? because according to lev15 19-24 nobody should be allowed contact you while you have your menstrual uncleanliness do you wear clothes made of multiple fabrics? I bet you do you know what you wont be getting into heaven either because according to lev it is forbidden to do so.. im hoping you have perfect sight, because lev 20:21 which says those with imperfect sight may not approach the alter of god. I truly hope that for your soul your eyes dont give out in old age.
    should we be persecuting all of those people who cut their hair, or wear glasses? Or perhaps all the football players?? because it is also unclean to touch the skin of a dead pig according to lev 11:6-8. its funny because if i remember correctly a lot of the players all pray before games. I guess its just for nothing then, but i wouldn’t go and tell them that.
    there are bigger evils in the world. why dont you focus all of the energy that you use for the crap that you are spewing and use it for good and let decent people live their lives in peace. Sadie does so much good in her life, teaches her kids to be good, open minded and caring kids, you really could take a lesson from them. dont hide behind your religion and attempt to frighten them with telling them they are going to hell because they dont agree with you or because you are scared.
    Yes I think sadie could have infuenced many people if she had stayed a sunday school teacher. perhaps there would be a group of children who believed in god but are also open enough to see the fact that being gay is not a bad thing. a person who is gay is no different than you or me, they bleed the same if they are cut, they will die the same if they are shot, their love for their mate and children is no different than the love you have for your mate and children..
    as far as your comment about a mans penis, guess what a mans penis also fite quite nicely in your mouth and ass.. and a vibrator and dildo fit quite nicely in a womans “hole” as you put it. you should try it all, its quite liberating.
    no i am not gay, i am happily married with children of my own, but i have many friends who are. no i am not religious but I am spiritual, i believe that everyone should be treated equally and fairly no matter their race, sexuality, sex or religion. yes there are people who i can not stand, some gay, some black, some men, some woman, but i dislike them for who they are not what they are.
    live your life the way you chose, let those around you live their lives the way they want, have tolerance and maybe someday this society can be better than what it is.

    1. nice post SBI.

      I too have difficulty tolerating the picking and choosing that “Christians” do with Biblical scriptures. Seems awfully convenient to just ignore the teachings that they deem “outdated”, (like being stoned to death in public for working on a Sunday) but hold on for dear life to the ones they use to condemn others that were born with different characteristics then themselves.

      …and then that just opens you up to why religion exists in the first place. seems that people would be more productive citizens and kinder to their fellow man if they just believed in Being Productive Citizens and Being Kind to Their Fellow Man. Seems more logical to me.

  17. Aw, man, are we doing this again? For crying out loud!

    First, I haven’t had time to read every new post so if I repeat that which was already said I apologize.

    Anyway…

    Shells, Shells, Shells… I used to be a devout Catholic and used my religion to justify my prejudice toward homosexuals. I’ve been where you are. Which is why I’m not angry with you, and I don’t condemn you. How could I? It would be hypocritical.

    I’d rather try to help you see why the path of understanding and acceptance is actually the more righteous way to go. Unfortunately, I truly doubt anything I could write could change your mind today. After all, it took me many years to grasp the fundamental truth that homosexuality is not a perversion or a sin.

    Instead, I’d like to address your interpretation of Christianity. As I said, I used to be a devout Catholic, so I know a bit about the Christian point-of-view. When I became a teenager, I noticed a big disconnect between what was in the Gospels and the way most Christians acted. For instance, you implore Sadie to accept Christ, yet your words are not very Christ-like. Do you recall the story in the Gospels where a group of angry men were about to stone the prostitute, Mary Magdelene, to death? Jesus intervened and invited “he who is without sin to cast the first stone.” No one in the angry mob was able to claim to be sinless, so they dispersed. Jesus then turned to Mary Magdelene and said, “Has no man condemned you? Then nor do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

    Your words amount to casting verbal stones at Sadie. Are you really sinless, Shells? Seriously?

    Now you may want to focus on Jesus’ admonition to Mary Magdelene to stop sinning. Are you Jesus, though? Are you really in a position to admonish Sadie? Remember, according to the Bible, Jesus truly was without sin. I doubt you can say the same, Shells.

    Before you implore others to accept Christ into their hearts, I’d urge you to re-read the Gospels. You are not emulating Christ, Shells. Not at all. Before you point a finger at others, I’d urge you to work on yourself.

    Sadie — For the record, I no longer believe that homosexuality is a sin. I’m just trying to find a basis on which Shells and I can communicate. I changed my ways. I know that others can too. That’s how we’ll turn this around — one person at a time.

  18. You SO need to the get the t-shirt I got for my daughter. It says “All the Cool Girls are Lesbians”. I won it in a giveaway and I let her choose. She is a proud gay woman, and I am her proud hetero step-mama. I might just get one for myself. Of course if I wore it to work (I’m a teacher in a public school”, I might just get banned :)

  19. Ugh! I hate it when that happens. You start making a connection and wham. Deal breaker stupidity hits you in the face. The only people in my life that talk like that are relatives that I have laboriously chosen not to disown. I do pray for them, regularly.
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  20. Wow..Im not a big reader..but DAMN you are a great blogger!!!! I run into the same situations on everyday basis..being in the health field .. I help people..funny because when they start ranting and raving about the “dyke” with the short hair and the “fag” they saw walking down the street … I simply smile and continue my care for them..because little do they know…this long hair shouldnt fool them..Im a lesbian too..with 3 children and a girlfriend at home..and that “dyke” with the short hair is her…lol..I never let on or complain about what they are saying. They get my undivided loving care nomatter what they say. They are people just as much as I am. Great job with your blog. Your family is beautiful..u should be proud;)

    1. Thank you for the compliments and thank you for stopping by. :) I met someone this weekend that told me she was “very much against homosexual relations”… whatever that means… and all I could do was say “we are all entitled to our own opinions” – because if I had opened the flood gates, much more would have come out. I know it must be hard dealing with that, taking care of people like that, and not being able to say anything. You’re a strong woman!

  21. Ugh, it blows my mind that people still think like this. I’m so sorry that you experienced that. You have a beautiful family and these people need to just grow up and stay out of everyone’s business. Gay people are not ruining this country. People like Randy are. I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if I were you. Props to you for being the bigger person girl. He deserved a swift kick in the nuts.
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  22. You did to Randy what he and other bigots aren’t able to do, you listened to his opinion, gave him the floor, and let him think what he wanted to think. You are right, you aren’t affecting their marriage so I don’t understand how your are destroying marriage. Gah! It makes me so mad! Thanks for writing this, I really hope that someone sees it from Home Depot.
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  23. I’m sorry you encountered that. I think your family is beautiful, and I don’t think it matters if you are gay, straight, multi-ethnic, etc…. if you have LOVE, you have it all. You can offer your children more than so many other children have because you have a LOVING FAMILY. They are very lucky children. *hugs*
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  24. I believe that vegetarians should not be allowed to marry other vegetarians because of the food pyramid and the need to have balanced meals. When vegetarians marry, they threaten the balanced food of all other families, as we well know. The bible says, “Lay down not with other eaters of vegetation lest ye besmirch yourself” or something like that.

  25. I’m sorry to hear you had to deal with the ignorance of “Randy”. It is because of people like him that gays/lesbians are continuing to struggle. I am all for any man or woman to be who they are, regardless of sexual orientation. Love is Love. What does it matter to any one person who another loves? No one is better than the other. We are ALL loved by God, equally. If God did not intend for there to be gays/lesbians, he would not have created people that way. I am a straight Catholic, born and raised that way, and I have a gay uncle who is the best. I would definitely sign anything that would give gays/lesbians equal rights, including marriage. Stay strong and love who you are. Be proud always!

  26. I think these days, it makes me more sad than it does angry to hear this crap.
    I think you did the right thing, not causing a scene in the store. All that would have done would have “justified” his homophobia in his little mind – “See, look how crazy this damned lesbian is!” One can only hope that someday he’ll realize that someone else’s sexuality has zero impact on his life and someone else being able to marry doesn’t affect his marriage.

  27. ok…..let me start with, I am ALL FOR Gay marriage and post it ALL the time! I am all for 100% equal rights for parental responsibility, finances and health care!

    BUT- many people feel as he does, unlike what he thinks, he’s not the minority.

    I don’t teach my children hatred, bigotry or any other type of discriminatory opinions or what have you. I was in the GLB and Diversity Club in school, went to a World of Difference Conference in Boston (A-MAZ-ING!) My children have friends with two Moms and a gay Uncle…..

    BUT, it’s hard work keeping them from believing the hatred, so openly spewed by so many people. It’s hard to be the person who stands for equality and their beliefs, even when they are THE only one…..I never said I’d take the easy path.

    I want my children to be open minded, loving, caring people and I want them to raise their children the same. In order to help others understand why I feel like I do, I openly discuss it. I know it’s not easy and not everyone is receptive….but it’s always worth a shot.

    I was once told I was the only “f*cking liberal I like!” by a lovely man, who I think is AWESOME….but of a different generation than I am. We conversed about politics, gay marriage, the bible and schools….we agree on very little. In the end, he says “yeah, maybe just let them live like that if they want”…perfect? NO…better? I think so.

    Anyway, my point is this – many people who have these thoughts have fear….fear of the unknown, fear of what will happen to them, if they’re openly accepting….etc. Try to share and educate them….who knows, maybe you’re the first lesbian he’s met.
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  28. the misguided thought that Gay Marriage undermines or ruins Heterosexual Marriage has never really made much sense to me – for the same reasons you raised in your letter to Randy. My husband and I are not threatened by the fact that gay marriage is legal in our home state (MA) – we feel that ALL couples should be able to share their love in the same way we’re able to with our marriage. I’m sorry you had to hear Randy’s comments and I’m glad to hear your daughter was distracted and not negatively impacted by his uneducated words.

    1. “Misguided” – you hit the nail spot on!! I don’t know about anyone else, but I am getting tired of being told the bible says it’s wrong. I know the bible says its wrong, but why are they just picking on this particular subject that the bible says is wrong when there are many, many things that the bible says is wrong? That statement isn’t working so well anymore so they are resorting to the old ‘fear’ excuses – ‘Let’s tell people that it destroys traditional marriage and is a threat to mankind.’

      I have had the following conversation with many anti gay people:
      I ask: “I’m just curious, how, exactly, does it destroy traditional marriage and threaten mankind?”
      They say: “A traditional marriage is one man and one woman and a gay couple cannot procreate.”
      Me: “Everyone should have the right to marry another person. And, not everyone wants children. Having children is a choice.”
      Them: “It’s physically impossible for a gay couple to conceive and that threatens mankind”
      Me: “Gay couples don’t want to take over the world, they just want to marry the person they love.”
      Them: “The bible says it’s wrong.”

      This is life, there aren’t always clear answers and people shouldn’t use their own beliefs, ideologies, and fears to tell other people how to live.

  29. I just came across your letter on an lgbt site. I’m originally from the St. Louis area. I left due in large part to the close-mindedness of much of society there. I’m straight and white. Which only means that I was exposed to more verbal hate because people tend to think that if you are “like” them then you agree with them. You know?

    Our country is evolving. This past elections proved it.

    Stay strong.

    1. Thank you, Staci. Where did you move? Is it any better?

  30. Thank you for sharing this little rant! :) I absolutely hate when you think you have met someone new, and open minded, and then they have to ruin it because of one thing like that. ESPECIALLY something like that. Love is love, I HOPE Randy found this, he should rethink his stance on equality ;) You did the right thing though by walking away <3 You respected his views, (even though personally, I think his views are WRONG-O) and left the situation peacefully. Admittedly, I just found your blog, through another blog, and I absolutely love it so far… Your family is so darn adorable!!! :)

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  33. I ran across your blog while debating over my leaving of my current job. I’m a transgender man, attending school and living with my girlfriend, and my work is filled with a lot of people just like you described here. And it honestly made my day to see this, so thank you for sharing this story. Giving me the smile I needed and the reminder that there is nothing wrong with being myself.

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  35. Christianity was supposed to be about loving one another but I guess that’s beyond what most people are capable of. A bigoted Christian is no Christian at all.

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