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November 15, 2012

I've talked about my daughters being bullied numerous times… on Facebook and here on my blog (twice).

  • On Sapphire's first day of kindergarten this year, she was called a wh*re. The boy was not punished.
  • Gracelynn was called a lesbian, by a 5th grader. She is in 2nd grade. The child was not punished, because the witnesses were her friends.
  • Jenelle has been punched, hit, called a “dyke” and many other things. She is in 5th grade. One girl especially torments her, sexually harassing her, on an almost daily basis. Nothing has been done about this, even after multiple meetings with the school.

    I have sent emails to the superintendent ([email protected]). I've spoken with school officials (teachers, principal, vice principal). I'm always assured it is being handled, but it continues.

    At recess yesterday, a boy was playing four square with Jenelle. He got out, and wouldn't leave the game, so he and Jenelle were arguing. He grabbed her arms, swung her around, almost to the ground. She kicked him and got away from him. He cried, told the teacher, and Jenelle was told she would miss recess until December 3rd as punishment.

    Usually, Jenelle tells the teacher instead of fighting back, but it's gotten to the point where she has been physically assaulted numerous times, so she has started fighting back – finally. The boy she fought back to this time happened to be younger than she is, so they are saying it's ALL her fault. I'm visiting the school tomorrow to talk to the principal about it, but based on the history with this school, I doubt anything will be done. Jenelle asked me not to talk to the principal about it – she said she'd just take her punishment, and now she feels as if she is being bullied by the staff as well because they're making her life miserable for sticking up for herself.

    As far as we know, based on responses by teachers and the principal, the children have not been written up or gotten in much (if any) trouble when picking on my girls.

    Like I said earlier, Jenelle fought back – and today she came home with a write-up for “sexual misconduct” because she kicked the boy in the genital area.

    What Happens When Bully Victims Fight Back

    This is what happens with the victim fights back. For months, she hasn't fought back. Sexual misconduct? After I've had discussions NUMEROUS times with the principal about the sexual harassment she has been enduring? REALLY? The paper says there are 5 written witness statements of the account, yet when I asked the principal to talk to witnesses of past accounts she said they don't do that. Jenelle said the witnesses are kids that don't like her. I don't know the entire story, as I wasn't there, but she has always told the truth about these things before, so I have no reason to think she is lying.

    I've told her to “trust the system”… the teachers will do their jobs, and the bad kids will get in trouble. I've told her to do the RIGHT thing and tell the teachers instead of hitting back. She did, until she just got fed up with it all. I've seen my beautiful, kind, little girl turn into a child with low self-esteem that is not nearly as interested in school as she used to be.

    Related: Teen Punished for Trying to Stop Bully

    Jenelle has started to wonder “What is it about me that they don't like?” – they've called her more names than she can count. They started calling her the lesbian, the dyke… she event came home saying one of the kids called her the C word. I was horrified. Still, nothing was done.

    I don't know what else to do, except reach out to you guys and have you spread the word. The news stations have ignored me, the superintendent of the St. Louis Public Schools ([email protected]@SLPS_INFOFacebook) has ignored me, and the school doesn't. freaking. care.

    Many people tell me I should just homeschool her, or switch schools – but you know what? Then they win. The bullies win. The lazy faculty win. The bad guys win. I have to keep advocating for my child. For my children. Until something is done. I'm sick of this. She's sick of this. And it's not just about not letting them win. For our family, homeschooling is just not something that is possible at this time.

    Just to be clear, I know that Jenelle kicking a student (especially one a grade or two lower than she is in) was wrong. I am not saying she is perfect, by ANY means. I'm simply at my wit's end. I'm frustrated. I've tried talking to the administration until I'm blue in the face but it doesn't work. They're nice to my face, then rolling their eyes behind my back. I don't know what else to do.

    Signs Your Child is Being Bullied

    1. An – A – student rapidly drops to a – C – student.

    2. Bruises or cuts that your child blames on other things.

    3. A general depressed view of life.

    4. A sudden unexplained aversion to wanting to go to school.

    5. Vanishing lunch money.

    6. Getting in trouble for fights that your child swears he or she didn't start.

    Or how about all of the above? Okay, minus the lunch money. But seriously, this is getting out of hand.

    This Bully Prevention Article says:

    Stopping the problem before it becomes a problem is always the best tactic. Here's what you should teach your child to help them to deal with bullies: Make sure your child understands that no matter how big and scary looking the bully is, he or she does not have the right to hurt your child and that the bully is being a bully because he or she is insecure and is a coward. You've got to give your child the confidence to stand up to the bully.

    Most all schools have a zero-violence policy. If a child fights, that child gets sent home. Tell your child that when it comes to bullies, you expect him or her to fight back and that you will support your child's actions 100%. Many kids never fight back against bullies because they are afraid they'll be in trouble with their parents, and they allow the bully to harass them for many years.

    I've done all of that! So why is she still getting bullied? What else can you teach your children to do, to prevent the bullying, when the teachers aren't doing anything to protect the victims?

    Update 11/17

    Jenelle came home “sick” from school on Friday. She has NEVER missed a day of school due to sickness, ever. She's always really healthy so it was a shock when I got the call. But really not SO much of a shock because I knew it was really just stress manifesting physically, instead of a cold or actual illness. The nurse said she didn't have a fever, but she said she was crying and throwing up. :(

    Anyway, she was feeling much better as soon as we walked out of the school. I had sent a note with her that morning letting the principal know I was NOT signing the write-up with anything “sexual” written on it, and that if she wanted to send a new one home for fighting instead, I would. She didn't – and when I was at the school on Friday she did not discuss the issue with me.

    Dozens of complaints have been left on the St. Louis Public Schools Facebook page, but they are being deleted as quickly as they are put up – yet the school still has not addressed the issues.

    I also looked up reviews of this school online, and saw that bullying going unpunished seems to be a trend. Click on the images to make them full size.

    bullying mason school st louis

    bullying mason school st louis

    bullying mason school st louis

    I have talked to three other families that claim to have left this same school because of bullying. This seems as if it is just the tip of the iceberg…

    Thank you for the wonderful support you've given me during this time, and thank you SO MUCH for sharing this post. Please keep sharing it!! Something HAS to be done!! It's not just this ONE situation… there are MANY more.

  • SlapDashMom
    Sadie Mae is an LGBT Lifestyle blogger living in Arizona with her three daughters. Her passions including traveling, healthy living, and teaching women how to work from home so they can spend more time with their kids.

    113 Comments

    1. My now 17 year old daughter had a dedicated set of bullies since the 3rd grade. They were relentless in how horrible they treated her. I went to the schools, yes SCHOOLS (elem., middle, jr.high, and high school) almost daily to try and put a stop to it. I was always told the same thing, we will look into it. She went through 5 to 6 back packs a year because they would ruin them, she went through multiple shoes, shirts were torn, hair would have crap put into it. It got to the point she had stopped taking care of herself, calling herself names, just giving up. One of my breaking points was when she was sprayed with a body spray that caused her to have a severe sinus infection and was out of school for a week. My husband and I took turns dragging her to the shower to get her fever to break (her top fever while on meds hit 109, yes we had taken her to the doctor after her fever hit 102, that’s how we found out it was a sinus infection) I went to the current school and threatened lawyers and police if the school did not step up. Kids started getting suspended. So the little brats started taking it off school grounds. I ended up standing at the doors to the bus because even 5 feet would mean she would be slapped across the face of chunks of hair would be yanked. One child, in front of me yanked her ear phones out and broke them while going for her hair, that one spent 3 months in juvie for the assault. Finally, after so many years and many failed grades she went to a high school is doing much better and some of those bullies have become her friends. The school follows the zero tolerance policy and one strike you are out. Her last incident was when walking to school about 3 months ago some boys shoved her in front of a moving car. She came within inches of being hit, the gentleman in the car got out and held the boys for the police. Now she walks with former bullies, now friends and is taking better care of herself and again sees a bright future for herself and is once again getting straight A’s. It took years for her because schools are so full and teachers are so stressed there is only so much they can do that it gets to the point where they just don’t seem to care. I hope you get your bully issue fixed soon, it is hell for everyone involved. Seems like the only thing that helped in the beginning was the threat of lawsuits and getting the police involved… maybe that is what you will need to do as well.

    2. 1st- document each event- date, time, event information, who you spoke with at the school and what your results were-

      2nd- talk to principal- again document everything

      3rd- talk to school super & /or school board

      4th- talk to the POLICE- every time these things happen this is illegal- also check if your school system has a DARE officer, or a GREAT officer- or school resource officer- again- document everything-

      then if that does not work- contact an attorney- to draft a letter of intent- bet they will listen then.

      b

    3. I have an idea, but I don’t want to post it here. If you email me, I’ll let you know. Yes, I am a normal person and a mom, I swear !

    4. Have you thought to do a write up in the local paper as well? That’s right up your alley anyhow, the school will HATE the negative attention, and even more people can see what’s going on. It may not do a bit of good, but it couldn’t hurt! As far as homeschooling, I’m in complete agreement with you! I had to homeschool my son over the summer for a decision one of his “friends” forced him into and I’ve got to say, neither one of us has ever been so happy to see the new school year start back up! (I had to fight tooth and nail all summer for hi to be allowed back anyhow) Not to mention the expenses…I wish you and your family the best of luck!

    5. contact the board of education . I dont condone this only under these conditions ,but Take her to a self defense classes. I tech my children not to fight or start anything however if this situation is going on. Tell her to defend herself. maybe if she kicks the boy really good Lol .He will leave her alone. I was picked on a lot in elementary . They use to call me __________(my name) dirty. When I got into the 6th Grade they started to leave me alone because i started defending myself. High school those same ignorant kids wanted to be my friend. I do understand your anger , I would want to ring their necks the principal,teachers etc. My opinion hoomeschool or teach her how to fight back and demand something to be done everyday if you have to. Good luck . I just thought of something ,I dont know if it will help – the office of Regional Superintendent
      of offices/superintendents or the United States Department of Education, through the Office of Civil Rights (OCR), directs school districts to look at each bullying incident not only as a violation of bullying policy, but as a possible action of discriminatory harassment.

    6. I think you mentioned that most of the problems occurred during recess….. obviously there is NO supervision during recess since they rely on the “testimony” of children each time an incident occurs. If there were proper supervision, children of different ages wouldn’t be playing together…. an adult would see or hear these awful interactions…. Have you asked where the adults are while the children are duking it out on the playground?

      Hopefully you can get her in another school district VERY soon…. or at least over the holidays.

      As much as I hate to bring the ACLU into a community, they may be just the tough guns to bring an end to the hate speech your child is having to endure….. I’d say once they get done with the school, the school wouldn’t want to do anything to cross them again and risk a repeat lesson.

      1. Quite a few folks have mentioned the ACLU, so I have started to consider it. I have tried everything with the school, so I think bringing a shit storm upon them is the only option I have left.

    7. I read your blog concerning the bullying of your kids, and I just about threw up in sympathy for them. Your previous responders have given lots of good advice. I have a little bit more. You might think about contacting the police in your town to file a report with them. Some of these incidents could have some kinds of criminal charges associated with them, especially when they occur as a pattern, or so it seems to me. And at the very least, you may want to find an attorney who has some experience in dealing with these kinds if incidents through the legal system. This school sure does not look like it’s doing its part in making your kids feel safe and protected there, to say the least. And they should be taken to task and brought up into the 21st century where bullying is concerned. All of you hang in there through this very rough and trying time.

    8. Sorry if this is rambly, I am sufferring through a head cold and bf a 3 month old with a wonky schedule. Sleep has been eluding me.

      After reviewing the P5131.7 ST. LOUIS BOARD OF EDUCATION POLICY STUDENTS ELEMENTARY, MIDDLE AND SECONDARY Activities Conduct – Sexual/Racial Harassment policy, http://sab.slps.org/Board_Education/policies/5131.7.htm I do not understand how your daughter received sexual misconduct as her “crime”.

      It states “”Sexual harassment” includes unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, sexually motivated physical conduct, or other verbal or physical conduct or communication of a sexual nature when:
      1. Submission to such conduct or communication is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of a student’s academic status or progress; or
      2. Submission to or rejection of such conduct or communication by an individual is used as a factor for evaluating the student’s performance within a course of study or other school-related activity; or
      3. Such conduct or communication has the purpose or effect of unreasonably or substantially interfering with a student’s educational performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive educational environment.
      Examples of conduct which may amount to sexual harassment include verbal harassment or abuse, subtle pressure for sexual activity, inappropriate patting or pinching, intentional brushing against a student’s or employee’s body, and any sexually motivated unwelcome touching.”

      I am not seeing that the contact with the boys genitals by your daughter’s foot as being sexually motivated. I see it as a last resort in self-defense. Given her past experiences I wouldn’t be surprised if it was that. The fact that the physical aggressor is younger, does not mean they are smaller than your child. Heck my daughter is 21 years younger than I am and has half an inch to reach my height and she is only 12.

      I don’t know what kind of school break your children have for Thanksgiving, but if I was in your place, I would let/have her stay home over the days leading up to break. I would also contact her teachers, in writing if you can, and request the school work/homework for the days she will miss. I say in writing because then you will have a record if their is non-compliance with your request. It would be no different than a child getting chicken pox or any of the many influenzas that require multiple days at home. You are making a good faith effort to keep up with her studies on your end.

      I wish you and your family good luck in getting this dealt with. This can be an uphill battle on a slippery slope, but it is workable.

      1. Thank you for posting this!! I read over the handbook last night and saw the SAME things… I kept thinking HOW in the hell did they come to that conclusion?? I am going to go up to the school on Monday and request her work in writing, and in person. And I’m going to type something up that outlines the policies as well. I wish I would’ve made a copy of the write-up they sent home, but thankfully I do have the photo in this post.

    9. I am so sadened by reading this. I’m very sorry your beautiful daughters and yourself are going through this. I am a Missouri resident also, I have four daughters (three in public school) and have dealt with all of them being bullied. I too NEVER got any results and am sickened with the public school system. My 10 year old daughter who attends Elementary school in Shell Knob, MO has been bullied since kindergarten there. Most of the bullying has been done by the teachers. After getting fed up and no results I told her to go ahead and stick up for herself, to defend herself and when she did she got called the Bully by the teachers and principal. She has been singled out and targeted by students and teachers. It breaks my heart. I know your hurt, when we can’t be there to protect them and the administration in charge at the schools does not do an even partially effective job of protecting/watching them. I am sharing on my blog and will do anything else I can for you. I am proud of you for standing up, sticking up for your child and wronging the school system. In my eyes our public school system is almost a complete failure. Stomp Out Bullying and protect the victims not the bullies. Bless You

    10. As a former teacher, it breaks my heart to think that the teachers, administration, and other adults in this school can ignore such horrible behavior! Sadly, it seems like they have just given up . These kids are a product of their home environment and their parents need to be punished right along with them, or better yet, educated on how to be a parent and raise a caring, respectful child. I an not a religious person, and i know you aren’t either, but one thing i think society is lacking is good morals. Our children need to learn the golden rule and pass that on to their own children.I love that you are trying to be proactive by volunteering and being a good example for those kids. They need all the good examples they can get.

      1. Very good point, Sam. Morals have gone out the window. And I think one of the big problems is that the teachers hands are tied when it comes to discipline! One of the teachers said they couldn’t raise their voices at the kids. When they are out of control, that’s sometimes necessary. With class sizes at 25-30 students and ONE teacher, it’s just spiraling out of control. :(

    11. You should speak to an attorney. Unfortunately the threat of a lawsuit seems to always bring them to action. Sorry for what your family is dealing with.

    12. Oh my goodness. I am completely shocked about this whole situation!
      WHY won’t they do anything? Why does she get in trouble for defending herself?
      My first reaction would be to pull my kids out of school.
      The worst that happened to my son was when he wore a shirt that was too big and another kids was picking on him saying he was wearing a dress and so on.

      I am terrified of what the future holds if the adults in charge don’t takke a stand against bullying!

    13. Pulling your children out of a place where they are treated so poorly isn’t ‘giving up’ or ‘letting them win’ … It’s just realizing that your kids deserve better! Only you can make the choice, of course, but I don’t understand why you would keep your children in a dangerous situation where they can’t learn or thrive because they are spending their days simply trying to survive! It is obvious that the normal steps to addressing the issues will not work here. Continue the fight, continue to get the word out about the issue, but I urge you to consider doing so while your kids are safe somewhere else! Hugs to you and your family,. I hope you find the right solution for your situation, but again, I strongly urge you to consider getting out of that system! Homeschooling is a great option (I’m a homeschooler to 4 kids, myself!) and it’s a beautiful thing to experience. You’ll be amazed at how your children will grow right in front of your eyes into the incredible people you know they can be! :)
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    14. I am advising you to seek assistance from the legal system. When the law is involved people tend to listen. I understand completely not wanting to let the bullies win but the happiness and welfare of your child is more important and when the school is found to be negligent you will win

    15. This just blows my mind, we had problems with our elementary school, which were also ignored to the point that u wanted to hurt the principle….then, finally, after uncounted complaints about this boy, he was expelled…so please don’t give up, and encourage ur little girl to keep strong, and remain herself, that is her best bet…don’t let the bullies get her down, …I feel for her, and u…wish I could do more

    16. No child should be bullied. I would contact my local news channel about the school and put a little more heat on them. Bullies should not be tolerated and the school is supossed to help protect our children when they are there.

    17. Oh this is so sad :( I really feel for you all. A friend of mine started home schooling after a bullying issue and it works really well for them but I know a lot of families for whom it wouldn’t, mine included. I’m not sure how it works over there but her in the UK schools have governors who we can complain to, and then it can be taken further. I think you should complain to the highest level. Surprising the papers aren’t interested either. I will share this post and will check back for updates. Stay strong, you’re doing an amazing job.
      xx

    18. I am suggesting to get a child advocate. We have one for our daughter, but she is disabled. We got one because we were having issues with her IEP, but I think that since you are having issues with bullying a child advocate can still help. If you have a place where you can go to get resource help, start there. We have one here called Center for Communities Resources. In your area, if you have one, it could be named something different. We do not pay for our child advocate, but she is so worth it. She knows the law & she goes up with great questions when we have not thought of them. A child advocate is a good place to start.

      Good luck.
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    19. My heart goes out to all the kids being bullied. I was bullied in school, telling didn’t help. School and kid’s mother did nothing. My son was bullied in school, nothing was being done so I changed his school. He struggled in the new school as it wasn’t the same language but he flourished socially which warmed my heart. Wish you and your family all the luck at fixing this. Hugs!

    20. I go to Joplin Schools and have my entire school years (I’m a senior now). Back in 6th grade I got tired of a girl calling me a lesbian so I told her I didn’t want to be friends. She told the counselor and ended up getting me called down there. The counselor told me that if I refused to be friends with her then I would get a referral. I agreed to be friends with her because I was afraid of getting in trouble. In 8th grade the counselor left so the first week of school I told the girl I was done. The irony here is that this year she announced that she was a lesbian. Schools are afraid to place the blame. If someone hits you, both of you are get suspended. We live in a world of victims and those who refuse to be victims are punished. I also had a problem with a gym coach who believed I was faking my knee problems and so acted like a jerk. My parents were in the office once a week. The coach would tell the principal it wouldn’t happen again and that she was sorry, but the next class period was just worse for me. I ended up being pulled out of gym. The good news is that once you get to about junior year it all stops. All of a sudden people embrace differences and are curious about them instead of being bullying those who are different. Life does get better and people do get nicer.

    21. Something I would do is tell her not to fight back. When someone hits her have her call u immediately and you call the police to the school and press charges. Make sure your children give you names of the kids also. Keep a record of every complaint your children bring to you so when asked you can let them know this is ongoing and the school isn’t doing anything about it. This way you will also have a police record stating every time this happens so when the court finally gets involved they will see the issues also. Maybe all of you should rally together in front of the school bc that will draw in the media. I hope this helps a little. Sorry for what your children are going through. They should not be put in this predicament at all.

    22. It is even worse when your kids school is the one who adds to it. They have told my 14 yr old son he smells bad when he doesn’t. He has troubles writing and has to leave the classroom at times for being bullied. Plus he has been home for 2 weeks now because they say he was expelled for not being respectful yet 0 paperwork
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    23. At this point it is not about who wins. If it is possible to put her in another school where there is less tolerance for this kind of crap then your child wins. I am by no means saying let the current school off the hook. I am just suggesting once your daughter is safe then fight your battle.

    24. One of my sister-in-law’s kids was being bullied in school. Before going as far as changing schools, she worked to get him placed into a different 3rd-grade classroom at the school. Just having a new teacher and a new set of classmates seemed to do the trick for him. I was just thinking, maybe this could work for your girls as well. I suppose it may work if it’s limited to just their current teachers and classmates. I am not sure this would help if it’s something mostly happening during recess, though.

      1. That’s an awesome idea, but unfortunately they only have two fifth grade teachers and she has them both because they switch classes. :(

    25. I am so sorry your kids have to deal with this. It isn’t right, and they are lucky to have you in their corner. I would fight tooth and nail until something is done about this. Also, I have to disagree with on one thing. You said you knew that your daughter kicking the little boy was wrong, I disagree. No fighting is never right. But she was defending herself. If a person was to grab me and tried to swing me to the ground, I would kick them too. And if it was a guy, I would aim for their genitals. It would be called self defense if it was an adult out somewhere, and it should be considered self defense for kids at school. My son was bullied his first year of school too. After a while I got fed up with it, and I told him to defend himself. He was concerned he would get into trouble. But I reassured him that, though he might get into trouble at school, as long as I know that he was defending himself he was not going to get into trouble at home. If he was to miss out on recess, I was going to pick him up for lunch and take him to the park or to mcDs playhouse or do something else as equally fun. Keep doing what you are doing. And never let anyone tell them they don’t have the right to defend themselves or their property. I think it is bull that schools try to push that crap on kids. Best of luck to you and your kids

    26. I was severely bullied from about 4th to 9th grade. It wasn’t until I finally started to physically stand up for myself that it stopped. The teachers were oblivious and just didn’t care. It changed my entire life. I went from an A student to doing anything I could to stay away from school. As I got older, that just meant cutting school, which was a habit that stuck, even after I was able to get the bullying under control.

      If my parents had moved when it first started, before it got so terrible, before I graduated into middle school and it spread to other kids, maybe I would have had a chance to enjoy my childhood. Maybe I wouldn’t have been suicidal and depressed at 11. Maybe it all still would have happened, but what if that would have helped?

      I really, truly feel for you in this situation and hate to read about the same thing that happened to me happening to other children.

      You said, “Many people tell me I should just homeschool her, or switch schools – but you know what? Then they win. The bullies win. The lazy faculty win. The bad guys win. I have to keep advocating for my child. For my children. Until something is done.”

      If you want to advocate for your child, you should be doing ANYTHING you can to get her OUT of that school. It doesn’t matter if they “win.” That won’t make any difference to her in 20 years. Whether she was mentally/physically abused by other children for years of her life will. What that school is doing is wrong. What those children are doing is wrong. Keeping your daughter in that school and allowing her to be abused because you want to fix the situation does not help her. If it takes moving to a different part of town, it’s worth it.

      You should definitely keep doing everything you can to try to fix the situation, but please don’t keep her in that awful school if there is ANY way for you to get her out.

      1. Laura,

        I absolutely LOVE where we live, and we finally got adjusted to the house (after a year), got everything situated, and are doing well. However, we have considered moving because of these issues. We should not have to uproot our lives to move away from the bullies, but it is definitely on our radar. It’s not easy to do, as my partner’s place of employment is across the street and we have not been able to find a place we can afford in another (close) area. So, while we are looking I am not sure it will happen right away.

    27. [email protected]
      This is the email for the Megan Meier Foundation. Megan was the girl who committed suicide after cyber bullying. I’m not suggesting your daughter is suicidal, but perhaps if you contact them, they can give you some advice on what to do to get help. Good luck. As a retired teacher, this situation makes me physically ill!

    28. The article that said know matter how big and scary the bully is, Is misleading. My daughter is the tallest in her class and gets bullied. She could at any time defend herself physically but doesn’t. Well I shouldn’t say that after putting up with being teased and tormented for 4 months she finally grabbed the girl and threw her to the ground. Guess who got in trouble. I talked to the teacher and reminded her of the conversations we have had about this other girl, she was just concerned about my daughter getting physical and that was bullying behavior. I told her what the other girl was doing was bullying and my daughter was defending herself, she got tired of it, maybe she should have handled it differently but she is young and shouldn’t be put in the position that it gets to that point. After telling and calls to the school with no results, what is she supposed to do?

      1. I agree, the bullies aren’t always the biggest. The girl that is bullying Jenelle is a whole head taller than she is, and Nell is a tall girl. I figured they’d be best friends since they’re both really tall, but I could not have been more wrong. :(

    29. Call the Dr. Phil show!!!!!! He’s been really big on the anti bullying thing! CALL HIM NOW! MSG HIM!!!! Before something terrible happens!!!!!! Not that something terrible isn’t already happening but…..you know what I mean…….

    30. Since there are numerous people complaining, get in touch with them, then talk to a lawyer. A lawsuit might be your best option. Also, do not threaten a lawsuit unless you intend to follow through; doing so can weaken your position. Keep track of dates and times of incidents, as well as recoding names. Also, consider filing police reports when it happens. The police may not have an actual response, but they should take down a report.

    31. I just read your series of articles on this issue, and I want to give you a big huge (but gentle!) pat on the back for your stance that you expressed so perfectly here:

      Many people tell me I should just homeschool her, or switch schools – but you know what? Then they win. The bullies win. The lazy faculty win. The bad guys win.

      Absolutely. Furthermore, then you protect only your own child, whereas by insisting that the school be safe for her you help to make it safe for everyone. I understand that the eventual resolution of this situation was that Jenelle switched schools, and I hope that works out wonderfully, but I still think your attitude is right on target.

      I was bullied as a child, sometimes severely. Both my parents also had been bullied as children. In my 20s I realized that the reason they had done so little to protect me was that they were afraid to speak up about it, they were afraid of drawing attention that would be negative rather than helpful, they were afraid that we are just a kind of people who somehow deserve this–all the fears I felt myself! I fell in love with a man who also had been a bullied child, and we vowed that we would not let this happen to our kid. In kindergarten he had some experiences that we would have called very minor problems between kids, except that his teacher’s reaction was to accuse our son of lying about what others did (out of her sight or hearing) and say, “Don’t be a tattle-tale!” After several attempts to talk with her, we arranged a meeting with the principal. It was VERY hard for us to do because we felt so frightened and the way the teacher was blowing us off and putting us down made us feel really bad–but ultimately it helped things go better for the rest of the year, and the school has been great for the subsequent two years.

      If you haven’t seen Dan Pearce’s articles on bullying, which were very popular a couple years back, check them out! I have links to all of them here.
      ‘Becca recently posted..Freezing CheeseMy Profile

    32. I was in a similar situation where the school was protecting the bullies and punishing the victim back when I was in 8th grade. The reason for the documentation of things like “sexual misconduct” when she hit an attacker in the crotch is so they can defend themselves from legal action on your part. They are setting up documentation to “prove” that your daughter is a “problem child” and as much a perpetrator as a victim. This way they can try to blame her as part of the problem in court. It’s character assassination, and they’ll have all these incident reports to prove that she’s the problem, not the bullies.

      I can’t offer any useful advice save that you should seriously consider pulling her from the school. You can’t win, and choosing a better part of valor might be in your daughter’s best interest. Unlike in storybooks and movies, the bad guy does win every once in a while, and situations like this are one of them. Ending the torment and sending her to another school which doesn’t enable bullies may be the best choice, especially since the school might decide to expel her first, and that will limit your options.
      That’s what ultimately happened to me. When I was attacked, I fought back and managed to hurt too many children of wealthy parents.
      It was overturned, the day after graduation and I was able to go to a regular high school.

    33. i have the almost exact dame problem ive been getting bullied for three years not fighting backive been to three middle schools in tye same state the second one had no problom we just moved but tue first one the principal said it was my fault but had no reason at this school i had five accounts with the same kid complained but didnt fight back after he elbowed me in the chest i FINALY fought vack and the kid told on me and he and ME both got iss so he can do whatever he wants and he doeant learn i do it once and i get iss and tuatwas the first time we went straigut ti the board but they didnt do anything (first school not this one) but istill get iss and my mom is going to fight and argue.

      1. Wow Daniel, I’m really sorry. That is crap!! I’m glad your Mom is going to fight for you. Keep your chin up. Middle school sucks, high school can be good or bad, but after that… college, work, etc… they’re not so bad! *hugs*

    34. I know this comment is coming a couple of years after the post made on bullying in November 2012, but I was reading your comments as a part of research I am doing in support of a novella on bullying that will be coming out in July 2014 (Josh’s Wall). Your plight sadden me. As a retired public school superintendent I can tell you that the efforts of one person do
      not always get to a resolution. However, school Boards are very political. There is always an election just around the corner. Find other parents who have similar problems. Organize them. Go to every school board meeting and have each person fill out the form that allows them to speak in public at the meeting. Each person then has five minutes to tell their problem and demand a solution. Continue to go and to reasonably, rationally and unemotionally protest at every meeting. When election time comes campaign for any Board member that supports your efforts and against any Board member that is silent or makes no effort to help. The problem then becomes their problem which is much more motivating than anything else.

      1. Thanks for the tips! They’re greatly appreciated.

    35. I was bullied as a 3rd grader, and went home and told my parents. They were horrified that I didn’t think of clever humor to diffuse the situation. “Of course they will target you if you cave in and cry, it’s fun for them!” Once again, it proves that our culture blames the victim. So, my parents set about on a tease campaign. Until the age of seven, I was told that parents, teachers, and policemen are our friends to be trusted with any little problem. My horrified parents had blamed themselves for coddling me into thinking that all my elders would look out for me. They teased me about my looks, the way I did a task, a mis-spoken word… To the point of frustrated tears on my behalf. I learned NOT to turn the other cheek, and to have a snarky cone-back in my pocket in case I needed to use it. The teasing continued for about 8-10 more years, until they realized that I had grown into a mouthy, argumentative teen.

    36. Hi this seems to be a common trend in all schools ive been to.
      I was being pushed into lockers and down stairs at College (High School) and had gone to teacher numerous times only to be told i need to stop taking things personally. i did this multiple times and even got my mum in… nothing. eventually when i was pushed again i punched them, not with excessive force. this lead me to go to the deans office as they wanted to suspend me for violence. upon telling them i was pushed to far and i had no other choice they told me ‘You shouldve come to us. but this is not acceptable’. i stood up and simply told them ‘i wonder what the papers will say about this?’ they didnt suspend me.
      luckily the bullying stopped for the most parts but i left that school and did home schooling after that as i did not want to at a school which treated me like s**t

    37. I have a permanent scar under my left breast from where I couldn’t take the humiliation anymore. My families genetics gave me large breasts and I’m a male and the constant bullying was horrible. I’m so sorry your kid is suffering. I suggest suing and suing hard.

      1. Suing is not that easy, and can, in fact, be physically, emotionally and financially exhausting, plus there’s no guarantee that one will win their case. It’s better for a kid in that situation to enter into a martial arts/self-defense class. That will at least provide a kid with more confidence, and more than likely render him/her less of a target for such bullying.

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