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This is a letter that I hope is seen by a Home Depot employee named Randy. Randy was really nice… very chatty… when I came into Home Depot today to get the materials for a fort my girlfriend and I are going to be building with our kids this weekend. I love chatty employees. :)

Open Letter to the AntiGay Home Depot Employee

Randy and another employee were talking about how America is going downhill because of the jobs being outsourced, etc. I chimed in, agreeing with most of what they said. The employee (not Randy) asked what I did for a job. I told him I was a blogger. Randy and the other employee asked what I blogged about, so I told them – a little of this, a little of that… recipes.. controversy – they asked for my blog address, and said it sounded like it would be fun to read.

Then the employee asked if I blogged about politics. I said no, because I'm not really passionate either way on most subjects to be able to debate them. Randy said he was! So I told him he should start a blog about politics. :) Then he said “Well, I was just raised differently. People don't think like I do.” Sounds like a recipe for controversy to me!

What Randy said next made my jaw drop.

“Those gays… ya know… this country is in the crapper because of things like that. Them trying to take marriage and turn it into something different… I can't stand it.”

There I am, just standing there, staring at him. Like, please tell me you did not just say that? At this point, I'm guessing his gaydar is broken – and I forgot to wear my big rainbow “I'M A LESBIAN” t-shirt. So, I just smile and nod.

The other employee is looking at Randy, not sure what to say. He didn't seem to want to agree with him, but he probably didn't want to start a war. I started to push my cart away, to pretend to look for something else in another aisle, when Randy started talking again.

“Family… man what ever happened to family? We can't even have families anymore. Gay marriage should be banned in all 50 states! But you know that won't happen cuz the GLB..whatever that gay organization is, they'd be marching downtown saying how they wanted marriage too!”

I just smiled, nodded, and walked away. He tried to ask me about a chicken recipe as I was walking out of the aisle. I wanted to scream at him.

Guess what? I'm a lesbian AND a vegetarian, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

.

But… I didn't. I just walked away. I hope he finds my blog and I hope he reads this.

This is a family, Randy.

Dear Randy,

.
It was really nice chatting with you today. You said your wife would love to read my blog, and you said you would, too. You thought that it was interesting that I blogged about controversy, even though most moms don't like to. Then, our conversation got derailed. Just when I was about to mention my girlfriend and how she loves to cook, too, you started talking about politics and gay marriage. Why you had to ruin our nice conversation is beyond me, but I took it in stride. I listened to you with an open mind, and gave you the floor.

When you said gays were ruining marriage, I wanted to ask you to clarify. HOW are gays ruining YOUR marriage? Does your wife want to leave you for a woman? Are you going to leave her for a gay man? Are you addicted to gay porn or something? I mean, how exactly, is me being in love with my girlfriend, a bother – at all – to your marriage?

You're my age, or maybe older, so I don't think you can use the excuse of “how you were raised” any longer. It's time you get your own thoughts together, and use your own brain. And if you still decide that gays are so horrible, then fine. But come to your own conclusion.

Why do you think it's okay to tell someone that type of thing, anyway? My 5 year old was with me. Luckily she was distracted with her baby doll, but if she had heard you… she would have been upset. You were basically telling her that her parents are ruining this country. Really? Because I can think of 100 other things that would ruin this country before love would.

This country is being ruined because of close-minded bigots, and because of people like me that don't open their mouths and educate people like you, like I should have today.. I should have stood up to you. I should have told you what I really thought and felt. I should have somehow tried to change your mind, but I didn't want to be the “crazy lesbian woman” you saw at the store today. I just wanted to get my damn PVC pipe fittings and go home to my family – my girlfriend and kids- and build a fort. If that ruins your marriage, then your marriage wasn't very strong to begin with.

Sincerely,

Sadie

aka
The lesbian you insulted at the store today

P.S. I am not mad at Randy. I'm sad. I'm disappointed because he seemed like a great guy – and he might be a great guy, but I don't even care to find out after the hurtful words he shared with me today.

Shared by LGBTQ Nation, One Million Moms, 1 Million Moms against One Million Moms, and many others – THANK YOU!

Tags : lgbtrants
SlapDashMom
Sadie Roach is a Lifestyle blogger living in Arizona with her wife, Rachel, and their three daughters. Her passions including traveling, attempting healthy living, and teaching women how to work from home so they can spend more time with their kids.

289 Comments

  1. As hard as it is to believe it sometimes, things will get better. I think you handled Randy’s ignorance much better than I would have.
    Back in the “dark ages” (1979) when I found the love of my life in high school, things were different. Nobody was out, and when we decided to become parents in the early 90’s we agonized over whether we were being selfish, if it was fair to bring a child into our lives.
    Tomorrow we will celebrate her graduation from a Catholic high school with more than 100 of our family and friends, most of them straight.
    Our daughter is an honor student, with more than 600 hours of community service under her belt. She volunteers at a bereavement center, food bank, senior center, animal rescue and will be leaving for college in August for a major in Social Work/Psychology.
    Our daughter, your children, and the kids being raised in families like ours are the best possible ambassadors and examples of exactly why intelligent, committed people SHOULD marry and raise families.
    God Bless you and your little family, and I pray that in my lifetime, this just isn’t an issue anymore and we can all just live our lives and raise our kids and not have to worry about people like Randy..and I hope, really, that he doesn’t reproduce.
    Donna Algeri recently posted..WHYMy Profile

    1. Congrats to you both, and congrats to your daughter! :) Thank you so much for stopping by. It’s nice to hear from others that have raised successful kids, despite being different. I can’t imagine how hard it was then, compared to how it is now, but I know everyone still faces hardships today.

  2. You have a beautiful family. As a mother myself, I believe you should be proud of yourself. It’s difficult not to tell someone like that how ignorant you think they are. You had your child with you and you decided to walk away and use a better platform to air your frustration and anger, good for you.

    I’m sorry that people’s ignorance impacts your family in a way my family will never have to deal with, I just hope that in the near future it is no longer an issue.

    I hope the fort came out well and that everyone is enjoying it.

    1. Thank you! :) Sapphire loves the fort but it was a partial fail.. lol. I may post about it later. I appreciate your comments – the ignorance we have to deal with is hard BUT I think it makes us all stronger. My 7 year old, for example, would have lectured Randy had she been in the store with me. She WOULD have been listening, and she would have told him what’s up. She has no filter lol. If I was not in the relationship I was in, my 7 year old wouldn’t even KNOW what a gay/lesbian person is. So I know that while the LGBT community still has to deal with issues they shouldn’t have to in 2012, that we are all (straight AND gay) educating our children in ways we never would have, ya know? It’s early, and I’m rambling.. but thank you for stopping by. <3

  3. We have worked hard to bring our 3 sons up to be open and accepting of all people regardless of….well anything. I am proud of them because they have in their circle of close friends gays, people of different nationality, race, or religion. I have to laugh when my oldest was 5 and we were introducing some of these more abstract ideas to ponder he asked me a good question: “mom, if men can marry men and women can marry women (at this point I am thinking why is dad never around when they ask the hard questions?)…well, who wears the wedding dress? LOL That one I could answer!

    Our heterosexual family would love to have your beautiful family over for a vegetarian feast (oh, we aren’t vegetarian either but know many recipes because some of our friends are : )

    1. lol that was a question I had when I was like 20! :) Smart cookie you’ve got there. Be proud of how you are raising them! And the sound of a vegetarian feast makes my mouth water!

  4. I’m sorry you had to experience this. Quite frankly, if it weren’t for my gay boyfriend, my heterosexual marriage would be in the s**t hole. He provide the emotional support my husband is challenged at giving, but yet doesn’t make my husband jealous, because it’s a non-threatening relationship.

  5. I have worked at the big orange box in the past. The company as a whole is actually very LGBT friendly. If you report Randy to his superiors at work he will probably lose his job. Now that could interfere with his marriage. Before doing that, I would return to the store with out my kids and speak to Randy one-on-one. If he still doesn’t “get it”, then I would go to his supervisor. You can call the service desk and find out his schedule.

    1. If I thought they would just talk to him instead of firing him, I would do that. But I do not want to harm him, his family, his job, etc. I have a feeling he will read this. Not sure if it will change his mind but I am hoping it will plant a seed.

  6. I’m straight & married for 14 years with 2 little ones. Growing up I remember my aunts living together raisin my 2 cousins. Guess what. My parents separated after 20 years of marriage and my aunts are still together…growing old together. This is in South America, where the stigma is even worst.I’m a BIG supporter of equal rights, I wish my aunts could share their love in the open, like we all do. I don’t even like to say gay rights…I call it equal rights, we are all the same, no matter who we love and who we chose to share our future. I wish you guys the best, your girls are lovely. My kids are 7 & 4 and we already talk about how families are different. kids grow up with their parents, two mommies, two daddies, grandparents, adoptive parents, etc. As long as we are in loving families, it doesn’t matter how it’s built!

  7. Please, please send this blog post as a txt.doc, or cut and paste into the body of an email to the headquarters. Look, I am not trying, nor advocating that anyone be fired….but, the company needs to be aware that one of their employees is using hate speech in front of the customers.

  8. i feel sorry for randy and his uneducated, closed mind. marriage should be for everyone and it needs to stop being referred to as gay marriage and hetero marriage. love is love. we all bleed red when cut and cry tears when hurt. im happy to say that if my daughter ever brings home a girlfriend, she wont have to worry if we accept her life choices because we love her unconditionally no matter what.

  9. I’m sorry that happened to you, but Isn’t it nice you have a platform like this to get your feelings out, and say what you want to say to him? I personally believe that anyone who talks like that is not very aware of the world around him. He’s stuck in some mindless hateful opinion that plays over and over again in his head, and sadly he will be stuck in that negative state for a long time unless he wakes up. I would never let someone like that into my life, but I do feel sorry for him and his sad state of mind. Happiness is just a shift of perspective away.
    Bellaisa recently posted..Will a Love Quiz Really Help You Understand More?My Profile

    1. Bellaisa, it’s very nice to have this platform. It helps me a lot. I feel sorry for Randy as well and I hope this letter opens his eyes, even if just a little bit.

  10. Why I agree that what Randy said was disrespectful, what’s getting me is the amount of absolute hate he is getting from everyone here. So we fight hate with hate, is that it? That is his opinion, albeit a seemingly unpopular one, it’s his nonetheless. Not everyone shares the same views on issues. The sheer amount of hypocrisy is absurd in some of these replies. Yes, his comments were rude and completely out of place, but how are your comments that he should “never reproduce” any less rude or disrespectful? I don’t know, it’s just my opinion. Which is obviously something not welcome here.

    1. “Don’t be so hypocritical”, this is my blog and your opinions (even if they don’t jive with mine) are WELCOME no matter what anyone says. But when you post an opinion, don’t expect me – or others – to quietly disagree. It’s called Slap Dash Mom for a reason. ;)

      Yes Randy was rude but I don’t think he meant to be, and I have not been rude back to him. If I saw Randy today, I would say hi to him and smile and wave, and I might tell him to read my blog if he hasn’t already.

      1. I’m sorry if my comment came off as rude. I just reread what I wrote and was surprised at how snappy it came out. That was not my intention. I applaud you for keeping your cool with him. I certainly wouldn’t have taken it in stride as you did.

    2. Don’t be so hypocritical – It was inappropriate of him because he was at work. Yes, we all have freedom of speech but employers have a policies and manual booklet that employees are to abide by. He was there to help her with her shopping needs.

  11. I work at the Orange Box. Not sure if its been said before, but on every receipt there is a code with an online survey about your experience at the store. There is a comment section and the store management is supposed to review & post them for the employees in the break room, any negative names are edited out usually. I’d say take out the names & submit the open letter there. This will likely force management to have to deal with the situation as a whole, as all that info goes to corporate. This way you won’t directly hurt his job, but he’ll still know it was him, and higher-ups will have to say to everyone, at least minimally, “Hey, lets try to hate on your own time.”

    1. Thank you, Dude In An Apron. I will work on submitting the letter – without names and locations – to see if something can be done overall instead of just directly to Randy. Like I’ve said before, I don’t want to hurt him or his family. I definitely don’t want to cost him his job. I just want him to open his eyes.

  12. I’m really surprised that he went all political on you and expressed himself in this way. He is an employee whose job it is to help people in the store, not rant about his own political and social views. Basically he’s not a very good employee and I’d suggest that you call up management and make a complaint. Not because he doesn’t like gay marriage, but because he felt it necessary to share his view in the manner he did which was extremely unprofessional.

    Wilton

  13. I’m not going there without a bunch of big gay thugs!

  14. I think you handled it the only way you could have. You had your daughter with you; the last thing you want is for your daughter to be caught up in a controversial conversation which she is too young to comprehend correctly. So please don’t beat yourself up over it. Putting your feelings on paper is much more effective; cooling off and thinking about what you wanted to say is far preferable to saying perhaps the wrong words in the heat of the moment.

  15. You’re an inspiration for what you do as a person and a mother and don’t feel shame in not educating. It is sometimes better to not spur the fire, but let die out. You never know what this letter might have done for Randy, opening his eyes to think “oh, she was a lesbian…? she seemed normal” :P ya know. You have a beautiful family! – Ben
    Ben recently posted..A drink with the president.My Profile

    1. Thank you, Ben! I am hoping that is what will happen! :) I really think he will read my blog, he asked for the address and whatnot.. so why not? And my wish is that he will see my blog for what it is – a blog – and like it. Then he will find out I’m a lesbian and be like WOAH.. so she’s NOT ruining my marriage. :) Orrrr… something like that. Even though that is probably wishful thinking.

  16. Kudos on keeping your composure. I would have not been so nice. I’m straight, but a few of my family members are “The Gays!” that everyone refers to as well as a few friends. The real fact reality is that people are to scared to educate themselves and stand up to this bigotry because of what others might think that are close to them…I know because when I was in my teens before I knew my uncle(s) were gay I used to be homophobic. After opening my mind and attending pride marches and gay pubs I found more pleasant and sociable people. I try to change the view everyone I meet because my life actually got better when i got better at accepting.

  17. I have to say, I’m amazed how you managed to not kick Randy’s butt. I’m a hetero, so I wasn’t even addressed, but some guy can tell you how I reacted when he started to tell me his bigot anti-gay crap. I’d hope that Randy will get to read your blog on this way or another, and feel very very ashamed. Maybe will even start to come to mind on this topic.

    1. I’m not really sure how I controlled myself, to be honest lol. I guess if you are a parent you understand though. You look at your innocent little 5 year old and you realize that if you school this guy it could get ugly. So you just walk away.

  18. it’s not “the gays” that have ruined marriage, it’s the spouse beaters, the adulterers, and the dead-beats. I remember a bumper sticker I saw once said “If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get one.” It made me chuckle, because it’s true. Those who think “the gays” shouldn’t marry, really should look into themselves and see what it is they hate about themselves, and why they don’t think people no matter who they are have a right to be happy. The constitution says we have the rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

  19. This makes me want to cry. Your family is beautiful and you’re not affecting MY heterosexual beautiful family. He thinks “the gehs” are ruining his country, yet your dollars fund his paycheck. I hope he never hurts someone he loves with this horrible, uninformed hate. Good luck on that treehouse!

  20. This is why Dome depot get to 85 in the corporate Equality index, and NOT to 100 like so many others.
    Randy is probably lucky there wasn’t a manger around to hear him spew his bigoted comments at a customer, or he would join the unemployed group. THAT might ruin his marriage.

    1. Home depot not Dome….”smart” phone

  21. Was trying to say something witty and funny and all I can do is shake my head. \

    As you said, Sadie, how that hell does your life have anything to do with ruining America, or cheapen/attack my marriage to my wife, Deb? Was just going to say they are unrelated, but then again, for some stupid @@#[email protected] reason, Deb and I are allowed to get married and you are not (in most states).

    And, if it’s a “right”….you shouldn’t have to vote on it…just accept it.

  22. Real love is very rare, few people understand this. Religion does not make you a good person. Marriage does not make you a loving person. Money does not, by itself, bring you security if you are fearful (and therefore full of fears). Politics should allow us to live together in peace but it does not. This could be a long list but you get my drift.
    This world is inhabited by many good people. It is also troubled by a lot of violence, bigotry, hatred and fear. There is no escaping this reality (well, for real I mean) so the good people have to learn strength, patience, courage, resilience, compassion (the kind that is stronger than dogma) and then, one day, we will know the true nature of Love. All of us. Even the bigots because the good people will have had the compassion to show them their own heart buried under many fears.
    When I look in my own mirror I see so many fears still. But it finally dawned unto me that they are only showing me what I have to learn to love. Not condone if it is hurting anyone but love enough to learn from it. When there is true knowledge there can only be Love. It is a long road but there is no other one.
    From my side of the road I salute you all.
    Stéphane

  23. Welcome to America in 2012.

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Germany in 1938.

    All of the problems in this country weren’t caused by bad leadership or the bloodsucking 1% draining us dry; it was caused by this MINORITY group who is immoral and hates the country.

    let’s round them all up in fenced in places where they can contribute to the greater good of The Fatherland… um, I mean America.

    I’m not tolerating it anymore.

    I’ve seen people complaining that Liberals should be the “polite” ones, and not stoop to the levels the Conservatives use. Sorry, but I’m not sitting quietly reading books while the John Birch Society writes my kids’ Social Studies books.

    I’m not tolerating hate speech and bigorty. is it okay now that it’s not anti-semitism, or racism? Is that it?

    You should have kicked him in the shin, and them made a hell of stink with a manager. And then called your local newspaper.

    Sharing “I believe in gay rights!” on Facebook doesn’t do anything if thse people are getting elected to your school committee, does it?

  24. In the backyard of life, there are some piles of poop. Sometimes we accidentally step in one of them. Just hose your shoe off and keep going. He may have seemed nice, but he was just a pile of poop.

  25. Great letter! I agree that if gay marriage is able to ruin his marriage, it couldn’t have been very strong to begin with. I hope he reads your letter and takes advantage of the opportunity to really rethink his opinions.

  26. Sadie,
    You might have made a positive difference in that man’s viewpoint if you spoke up, but it easily could have turned ugly, and then your daughter would have been made VERY aware of what was going on, and you would have felt worse about her hurt feelings than the missed opportunity to educate a moron. Besides, it is not YOUR JOB to educate him, it is HIS EMPLOYERS.

    I think millions of people (especially older generations) really benefit from diversity training in the workplace. If I was in your shoes, I would not hesitate to forward this blog entry to the general manager at that store, as well as Home Depot Corporate. As a manager myself, I would absolutely want to know if an employee of mine was spewing this hateful ignorance to a customer, coworker, or even just to himself in the workplace. He needs to be reprimanded AND educated if he expects to maintain employment amongst the public.

    This WILL prevent him from hurting another HD customer’s or coworker’s feelings in the future… Please don’t miss that opportunity =)

    Heather

  27. Sadie,
    I’m sorry that you and your daughter had to be subjected to the extreme ignorance of that closed minded store employee. I was raised to respect all human beings regardless of race religion or sexual orientation and I am raising my own son that way. It saddens me that this man who was obviously taught to hate the LGBT community as a child did not have the open mind as he grew into adulthood to realize that teaching a child to hate any human being is just wrong plain and simply. What bothers me even more is that is this man has children he probably raised equally ignorant children. For what it’s worth I have always felt that all human beings should have equal opportunities and that the legal definition of marriage should be changed to the legal union between two human beings and that the use of the words a man and a woman should be taken out of the definiton completely. By the way Sadie, you have a beautiful family :)
    Pam Thompson recently posted..How to Take Care of your DogMy Profile

  28. Sadie,
    I am so sorry you have to deal with close minded bigots like you did today, and it’s a tough line to balance on, whether to open your mouth and try to educate them, knowing an already uncomfortable situation could turn even more uncomfortable or just keep quiet and move along.
    I do have a couple of questions for you though.
    Knowing that home depot is openly anti-gay and you were subsequently confronted by an anti-gay bigot, why were you shopping at home depot in the first place, and after Randy’s rant, why did you even continue to financially support them?
    I am on your side, I am married, and in no way will another loving couple living next door, whether it’s two men or two women or a man and a woman have any impact on my marriage. I strongly and firmly believe that any consenting adults of any gender should be able to marry.
    I hope next time you’ll reconsider financially supporting an anti-gay company, whether it’s a megastore like home depot or a small shop on the corner.
    Peace.

      1. Home Depo is a very open company to work for. I’ve had many friends over the years that are openly gay and never once had any problem. :)

  29. Not to one up anyone on their own blog (and that is not my intention), but had to share this. My BF and I were travelling and it was getting ridiculously late. I had already booked a king bed room. When I walked in at like 3:00am, asked for my room (the guy was wearing an inappropriately large cross necklace). He said it was ready, then my BF walked in with our luggage. He, shit you not, said he would only give us 2 doubles once he saw we were 2 guys. I didn’t show your restraint, threw a fit that probably could have required police intervention. We spent the night in the car rather than put up with that. The next morning, I went to the manager who of course appeared totally shocked and disbelieving, but we did get a king suite the next night free of charge. Doesn’t always happen, but in this cases the squeaky wheel does get the grease. Of course had we a small child with us, my reaction would have been more like yours.

  30. Just wanted to say the picture you posted is adorable, and I hope you meet more accepting people in the future.

  31. Sadie,

    It is unfortunate that you were subjected to that. I am glad your daughter was unaware of what was happening. Also, to that end, I think maybe it is better that you did not address the comments that he made as it would had obviously gotten very ugly. To have a conversation about homosexuality in front of your daughter is great. The argument that it would have turned into, not so great. I am glad you were able to avert even more ugliness by walking away. That is not always possible.

    You do have a beautiful family :D

  32. Thank you for your words Sadie. There is always a time and place for everything.. and sometimes you do have to choose your battles… The good path, the path of Love is a longer and slower path.. but in the end has longer lasting results. **hugs**

  33. Personally I think you did the worst thing you could of, if words hurt people then people need to change their name from nancy. I think you should of broke his face, because breaking someones face always hurts them. Whern are people gonna learn this sit down in front of the bulldozer attitude doesnt work! If the church is screwing with your family make some cocktals and burn the bitch down, If the store personel screws with your beliefs make some napalm, and if some asshole insults you make him regret it forever, words are useless you would have better luck talking to a chimpanzee.

    1. That is genius! I definitely should have “broken his face”, and maybe should have had my 5 year old help!! Then I could go home and get my 7 year old and help her “burn a church down”. Why didn’t I think of that?!

  34. Sadie, just my 2 cents, but I think you should have said something. And it’s not too late to go back in and say something without your daughter present. Saying something does not have to be a loud shouting argument, it could have been a simple, “Wow… it WAS nice talking to you. It saddens me when I find someone that by first impression likes me, but then that changes because of something I am they they do not agree with.” To come home and blog about it you are doing yourself and him an injustice. People can and do change. I had a racist friend.. he was raised that way. When we met and I realized he was racist, I didn’t just throw him to the curb, I challenged his beliefs…. are they valid? Guess what, he is no longer racist and is sorry for the time lost in his life with that thinking. Maybe the two of you won’t every have dinner together, but maybe he doesn’t know any gays. Maybe his views are based from a distance and those drilled in him growing up. MAYBE, had you said something, he might just go home and think about the cool mom he was talking with and …. maybe he might start to think. You owe it to your children and to every other supporting person out there to speak up. Blogging is great, but on this thread/subject, it was the cowardly way out. Stand your ground. How will you expect your children to be strong if you aren’t. How can you be angry at someone and publicly out them without giving them the opportunity to change? Honestly, coming here and posting about him is no better than him voicing his opinions in public. I am a straight mom who fully supports gay rights. I also support positive avenues towards change. This is just my opinion and not meant to bash at you, but change is a group effort. It won’t happen behind closed door.

    1. Shellie, thanks for stopping by and adding your 2 cents. Even if one doesn’t agree with me I still love hearing from everyone (as you can see by some of the other comments I let go through). I must say you are very wrong when you said this was the cowardly way out. Do you have ANY idea how much courage it takes to write something that goes out to thousands and thousands of people? Do you know how much courage it takes to be an OUT lesbian blogger in the “mommy blogger world”? Do you have any idea how much courage it takes to walk away instead of getting into an argument with someone? I am confident that Randy will see this letter, and it is typed better than I ever could have spoken it. And I did NOT have confidence in my ability to remain calm and rational, if Randy had said something even more ignorant in front of my daughter. I respect your opinion and the fact that you disagree, but to call it cowardly when my story has now reached THOUSANDS, when before it would have only reached one – and possibly fallen on deaf ears? I think that’s ridiculous. I am obviously not doing anything “behind closed doors”, I simply chose to protect my 5 year old from the bullshit Randy was spewing. There is a difference, and if you are a parent I’m sure you know that.

      1. You are right, this is not behind closed doors, as you said… thousands have now seen this. Maybe Randy will read it; maybe he won’t. You said you don’t want him to lose his job, but maybe someone will recognize this “Randy” and he will lose his job now; maybe he won’t. Just as you blog your opinions, I was only stating mine. That’s what blogging is about. I am a mom, and I have handled many situations without losing my temper. What makes you think saying something would have led to an argument? If anything, I think he would have been embarrassed at his ignorance and loose mouth. I have lost a child and have had the most insenstive and hurtful things said to me. But, I addressed those with the the people that said them, not to thousands of other people. I gave those people the chance to hear their comment from the other side without turning thousands of people against them in a single post. It just seems that being a lesbian blogger to thousands, and some of those could well be moms of your daughters’ friends is much more out there for your kids to see than one rational comment to an out of line store employee – which could have been said without your daughter even hearing. You have a lovely family. I support your family and feel you have every right to have that family, as obviously many people do! We just disagree on how this situation was handled. It will be interesting to see if you do get any kind of a response from him. I hope you do, and it comes in some form of apology, a sincere apology. If not, then not much you can do. For the record, I think what he said was absolutely irresponsible. He clearly isn’t the sharpest tool in the store… You never know who you are talking with when talking to strangers. As for his views, you never know… people can change. I’m sorry you were hurt. I’m sure it won’t be the last time. Our world is slowly changing, but not fast enough!

        1. I’m not sure what you meant by “It just seems that being a lesbian blogger to thousands, and some of those could well be moms of your daughters’ friends is much more out there for your kids to see than one rational comment to an out of line store employee” — I was not afraid of being “out” in front of my daughter. I was afraid Randy would be a jerk if I responded to him, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to be nice to him if he was a jerk about it. I obviously have no issues being “out”, as you put it. :) My kids have two moms, there’s really no way to hide the whole lesbian thing to them or their friends. Maybe I misunderstood what you meant by out.

          On a side note, in response to your comment, Randy cannot be fired based on a blog post when his managers don’t even know which city and state the store was in that I visited. Even if they narrowed it down to my city and state, surely there are a dozen Home Depots in St. Louis.

          Also, I welcome your comments – whether they agree or disagree with me – as you can see by some of the other comments that have been let through lol.

          1. Sadie, as someone who volunteered as a children’s advocate for a period of time, I can say that it is never good to involve your children in confrontational situations. Those can be very frightening for the child, so much better to do what you did. I applaud you for that. Personally I would have written a formal complaint to the store manager to go into “Randy’s” personnel file. You don’t know whether this is a single incident, or whether other customers are also being put in a hurtful situation as you were. I am sure the store might forgive one error, but a continuation will cost them business, and they would want to know.

          2. And this is why writing can be hard! If we have coffee ever I will clarify! ha (It was not meant in a bad way!) Good luck and I will continue to check out your posts… as well as the recipes!

          3. :) I totally understand! <3

        2. Shellie,

          You said in your comment above:
          “…..It just seems that being a lesbian blogger to thousands, and some of those could well be moms of your daughters’ friends is much more out there for your kids to see than one rational comment to an out of line store employee – which could have been said without your daughter even hearing…..”

          That just makes NO SENSE AT ALL to me. Are you saying that having what could easily have turned into a heated conversation, right in front of her daughter, would be less “out there” than the obscure possibility that a mother that her daughter knows MIGHT read this, and then that same mother MIGHT relay this information to someone that MIGHT feel the need to hurt her young daughter with that information?? That’s. Just. Dumb. PLUS, I have had many instances where I would have loved to have put someone in their place with a quiet comment, but I held my tongue because my child was with me. You never know where it could go because it is a 2-sided conversation. I can control what I say and how loud I say it, but I can’t control them….and if it turns sour, then I would be exposing my young child to stress and ugliness that could have been avoided if I had just kept my cool.

          AND FURTHERMORE….I think Sadie telling her story, in this way, to thousands, serves a much higher purpose than any one-on-one conversation could ever do. And, if Randy reads this, I think reading viewpoints from many people will do more to educated him than if it came just from her.

          1. Ok, no, that is not what I meant. I did not mean that “a mother that her daughter knows MIGHT read this, and then that same mother MIGHT relay this information to someone…” I meant in the blogging world with this blog, NOT this particular post. There are, sadly, many people out there like Randy. And, yes, there is that “obscure possibility” that a mother of a daughter might read or stumble on this blog – NOT this thread. In that regard, my comment was meant that one quiet comment to Randy could have no more of a negative effect on her daughter than the possibility of what could be said to her daughter (in school, etc.) with this public blog being out there. That is all I meant. Also, my opinion, which is what blogging is about, is not so much that telling her story is not warranted, but that I feel telling it without telling him first is. I do not know why it is assumed that by saying to him, “hey, you know, nice talking to you… but, by the way, I am “one of those gays” and I guess now our conversation is over” would turn into a heated debate. One simple sentence and then walking away is hardly a heated debate. Do you really think, and granted he’s not too bright to say something like that to begin with, but, do you really think he’s going to start screaming at a customer on his job? I don’t think so. Most likely his response would be shock and embarassment. So, my opinion is simply that before I would publish a blog about someone, I would have first let that person know; my comment was not just about speaking up, this situation involves an after event to that situation. I hope Randy sees and reads this thread, is sorry for what he said, and apologizes – sincerely. But, seeing how this thread (being on the million/FB thread) has been seen by many, my main point here is that IF anyone recognizes this person, he has been crucified before even having a chance to think, apoligize, and possibly change. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I simply stated mine. This is my last comment, I have to work! Thanks. Great blog, Sadie. :)

          2. With your children, you are welcome to take chances on people like Randy. I will not, and I will not feel guilty about it. :) I also appreciate your comments but I don’t understand how you could think Randy would be recognized when there are hundreds of Home Depots in my state and I’m sure he’s not the only Randy that works at them. Ya know?

          3. Shellie – yes, with some employees it happens. Let’s say that Sadie made that comment to him and walked away. Tried to walk away. He was already on a roll, depending on his personality, he might not of said anything, or he might of said a whole lot more. I’ve seen it happen, employees lash back at customers. She did what was best for her and her child at that moment with the circumstances that were. Someone else might have done differently, what was best for them. Sadie took the high road.

  35. Im once again stunned by the ignorance and i mean ignorance in both senses of the word that some people carry around with them like a big puss filled sore for everyone to see . I am a straight woman that has been divorced and i can tell that boy that being gay does NOT cause mariage breakdowns … being married to a problem is the problem … man , woman , gay or straight ! As long as there is love , commitment and respect then it is a good marriage and any kids lucky enough to be in that situation are lucky as well. Maybe the haters should start worrying about something else …say famine, or lack of human rights around the world or something that is a real problem … just saying .

    I also think that you did the right thing by not having your baby whitness your anger. It would not have changed his mind and it would have scared her. I have a sister that thinks like him and my other sisters and i argue with her all the time … she will never change but the new generations will. Anyway … thats all i got for now but i hope your family never lets it ruin what a great thing you have. Peace <3

  36. Sadie,

    Sorry you went through that. I was just recently talking to another friend about how people are far too willing these days to inject their own political opinions into everything, no matter how inappropriately.

    You handled this well and with class. Your not wanting to harm the man’s career is commendable, a degree of decency that few would match. To those that say you should have done differently, well, you could have gotten him fired and probably sealed forever in his mind the idea of gays as people who only want to tear things down and harm “normal” people…or, you could have done as you did and told us about it and proven him wrong. Kudos.

    Can I make one tiny caveat? I think the one thing that somewhat diminishes the outrage here is that you were the one who initiated the political discussion with him. He and his friend were (inappropriately, I might add) talking politics in front of customers. Once you join in the risk always exists that at some point the discussion will take a bad turn. If he had said that the problem with this country is that religious zealots have hijacked the GOP and are trying to sabotage the economy would you have been as outraged? Because that would have been just as wrong and just as deserving condemnation.

    If you are going to engage strangers in political discussions you have to be prepared for them to say things that are going to upset you and prepare accordingly.

    I hope randy reads this and reflects on how very wrong he was. Randy! Can you honestly read everything that’s been written here and conclude anything other than that Sadie is A- a good person, B- a great mom and C- in no way whatsoever a threat to our way of life???

    1. Bill, your response is very well written and I appreciate it. I do hope Randy sees my letter. :) I did not initiate a political discussion with him. They asked about my blog, I told them about it. Then the other employee asked if I wrote about politics. I said no. Randy then started talking about how his ideals of politics are different than most, so I suggested (instead of him telling ME about his ideals) that he should start his own blog. Even if I had initiated a political conversation with him, I think that he – as an employee – would have been responsible for walking away or declining to discuss something like that while on the clock.

      1. Sadie, I was reading “I chimed in, agreeing with most of what they said” not as initiating the conversation but initiating your participation in it. It’s not a big deal, since one could well argue that when employees are discussing things loud enough for customers to hear they are making them a (possibly unwanted) participant in that discussion.

        You are absolutely correct that he should not be discussing things of that nature on the job. Especially an issue that has pretty big numbers on both sides. I mean, if someone says holocaust denial is wrong, ok, they are on pretty safe ground not to be insulting anyone who matters. But most issues in this country have close to even splits, or at least a sizable enough number of people believing it that it behooves one not to assume otherwise. And it’s NEVER a good idea to put people down; even if the person you’re talking to doesn’t fit into the category you are disparaging they may well love someone who does.

        Randy probably never imagined you were gay, being as you were a parent. Finding out that a loving mother of a happy child can be gay might open his eyes. I think you are approaching this with exactly the right attitude–most people want to be good, even if they do bad things. You can reach them by appealing to the good in them. I live in North Carolina and after the vote on the anti-gay marriage amendment a lot of people were damning the whole state. Not helpful. Those of us who live here and want all of our friends and neighbors to have the same rights we all should have need to change some hearts and minds and that gets a lot harder when our side is calling those people a bunch of hateful bigots. Catch more flies with honey and all that…

        BTW, your daughters are beautiful and have the glow of kids that are obviously loved. Cherish them; my own two girls are now grown. I miss having them at that age…though I now have a granddaughter, so it all works out!

        1. I apologize for not making it clearer in the post, we were all chatting and they started in about that subject, so I spoke up and agreed. I can see where it sounds like I kind of butted into the conversation, though. Thank you for pointing that out! :)

          Thank you for the compliment on my kids. I try to appreciate every moment I have with them. I hear grandkids are even sweeter, so at least I have something to hopefully look forward to when the pitter patter of their little feet have stopped. They’re only 10, 7, and 5 and I already dread them growing up!

  37. Sadie, The Home Depot employee was way out of line bringing his personal views to work. On the that note I wanted to post what is stated on Home Depot diversity training web site. I believe that employee manager should be contacted and be addressed.
    Embracing Diversity, Creating Inclusion — One Associate at a Time

    As the global leader in the home improvement industry, our ability to understand, embrace and operate in a multicultural world, where we serve a diverse array of customers, is critical to our success. In order to remain competitive, our workforce must mirror the diversity of the world we operate in.

    To serve our customers, we must know our customers. To know our customers, we must reflect our customers. The greater the diversity of our people, the greater our ability to serve our customers.
    Diversity Councils & Associate Resource Groups

    At The Home Depot, our associates often take the lead on strengthening our diverse and inclusive workplace through our Corporate Inclusion Council, Division Councils and Associate Resource Groups.
    Diversity Leadership Council

    The council, made up of leaders from various functions of The Home Depot, helps to shape policy, determine key initiatives, redefine current processes and leverage inclusion as a business priority.
    Division Councils

    These councils include leaders from the Canadian, Southern, Northern and Western Divisions, who develop and execute diversity and inclusion initiatives in their areas.
    Associate Resource Groups (ARGs)

    ARGs are voluntary groups of associates who share common interests and backgrounds. Each of the seven ARGs develop and execute initiatives that align with the company’s diversity and inclusion strategy and support member development.

    To ensure the successful execution of their missions, each ARG is supported by an executive sponsor and the Diversity and Inclusion organization. The seven ARGs are:

    African American Pulse, whose mission is to make The Home Depot the most progressive enterprise in the world by enriching customer service and associate engagement, thereby increasing shareholder value.

    Hispanics Organized for Growth and Responsibility’s (HOGAR) focus is to raise awareness of the importance of Hispanic culture and influence to overall company business objectives.

    Limitless is committed to creating a work environment where there are no limits on achieving personal and professional goals. In addition, the organization advocates for full access to social, recreational and employment opportunities for associates and customers with challenges or disabilities.

    Orange Shield provides support for active duty associates, deployed reservists and their families. This group also helps develop programs to integrate new-hires and associates returning from duty into The Home Depot work environment.

    Pride Network’s mission and focus is to raise internal awareness and understanding of the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender customer segment and promote inclusion and respect for all associates.

    Pan Asian Waves promotes programs and activities that support multicultural awareness, associate development and community outreach.

    The Women’s Link connects women with opportunities and experiences, and helps increase women’s visibility in order to enhance professional growth and development. This group also supports our efforts at attracting and developing the finest talent, in order to create the best experience for our customers.

  38. I’m truly sorry you had to and I hate that we, as lesbians still have to go through narrow and closed minded people such as “Randy”. You have a beautiful family and I hope you figure out how to “calmly address these kind of people in the future. Love to you and your family.

  39. I absolutley think that you should send a copy of this letter to the location that this occurred! I can guarantee you that that man will loose his job, and maybe doubtful but maybe he will then realize the seriousness of his very hurtful comments made to you! Normally I would be against complaining about any incident that may cost someone their job, but in this case I wouldn’t care at all especially since he didn’t care about saying such rude comments with your daughter there none the less!! Even if you were not gay what horrible things to say in front of a child!!! He needs to realize how hurtful and ignorant his comments sound! That’s the sad part if he can say it so casually he probably doesn’t realize how awful he sounds!!

  40. I grew up in a small fishing town in the east of Canada, there was always a lot of bullying for anyone who didn’t seem to quite fit in. When I was 3 years old I became friends with one of the most outspoken, spunky and energetic girls in town, we have been friends for 19 years now. It wasn’t until she turned 15 that she came out of the closet to me and one of our male friends who had also recently come out of the closet. She hid it from me for years she said because she was afraid that I would reject her. Which I always found to be a hilarious thought given the fact that I was one of the most picked on and tormented kids in the neighborhood because I liked to dress up as a punk. Not too long after these two friends came out of the closet another friend came out, we had met by being forced to go to the same church as children. As the years went by, I began to realize that in such a small town of roughly 15 000 people, there was an incredible number of gay, lesbian and bisexual people. I even briefly dated a guy who came out and told me he was bisexual after we were together for 4 months. After a few years I moved away to Montreal and discovered an even BIGGER gay, lesbian, bi community. I don’t know why it is, but to this day, some of the best people I have ever encountered in my life, people who were there for me and treated me like family, are NOT heterosexuals. In fact, heterosexuals bullied and tormented me for 8 years of my life for not looking like them. I get deeply offended and hurt when people insult homosexuality, I don’t understand why they hate it, or why they fear it. These are loving people who just want the same rights as everyone else, and I say let’s give them those rights. I mean come on, even Obama went on TV to support gay marriage. Listen to the leader, he’s a smart man.

    1. Kali – I completely agree with you!!

  41. Hi, my name is Jenny. First I’ll say thanks for letting me tell my side. And my cousin is a lesbian. Anyway, you said how is you’re being gay affecting anyone else’s marriage. Well, it doesn’t. Not at all. But, (there’s always a ‘but’ right?) however, it IS (wanting gays to get married, I mean) making a huge MOCKERY of the holy institution of marriage. If you care to read the Bible it says that men with men and women with women are an abomination in God’s eyes. It’s like waving a middle finger in God’s face, or spitting on Him. Feel free to contact me at the above e-mail address. Have a good day, Jenny.

    1. I used to be a Sunday School teacher, Jenny, so I’ve read the bible. :)

      P.S. Marriage was created before the bible was.

    2. Jenny – God made all of us. He loves all of us. Leave the judging to God.

    3. I also was a Sunday School teacher for a few years. @ Jenny – “marriage” is a LEGAL union, not a “holy” union as you suggest. If you choose to have a marriage performed by a church leader, that is your personal choice. Only within the specific churches/belief systems are parishoners trying to *own* marriages to control choices that people make. 99% of the time that is the fault of the church’s leaders who, in those cases, have a major personal agenda, (homophobia), and you should spend more time thinking about how to treat others for yourself rather than let these homophobic human beings who lead SOME churches be responsible for how you think. There is a reason a lot of churches perform marriages for same sex couples – as a heterosexual person that is the only type of church I would choose to frequent as the leaders are mentally well balanced people I can actuall listen to, and usually agree with on most topics. Think for yourself, and stop judging by what other human beings have told you to think.

    4. Why do you just point the finger at same-sex marriages?
      My husband and I were married on our cabin steps, by a Justice of the Peace. By your rationale, we clearly made a “MOCKERY” of YOUR holy institution of marriage as well.

      Do you also know that YOUR BIBLE (Leviticus 19:19) says that if you wear clothes made of 2 different kinds of thread, that you should be stoned to death? So, if you wear shirts of, for example, cotton/linen blend, YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE TEACHINGS OF YOUR HOLY BIBLE. Better go check the labels in your closet now….you will be shocked. Also, I hope you don’t like shellfish, because according to your Bible (Leviticus 11:10), it is an abomination as well, though not sure that stoning is the required to carry out the death penalty on that one.

      …and while I’m at it….Do you people realize that there are THOUSANDS of religions? And do you realize that we, as Americans are afforded the right to FREEDOM OF RELIGION? How can you Christians, etc… be so arrogant to think that the entire U.S. should obey only YOUR religious scriptures?

      The laws that we have in place in our country should ONLY reflect what we need to keep our citizens safe and communities running smoothly. NO LAWS SHOULD EVER REFLECT ANY ONE GROUP’S RELIGIOUS TEACHINGS.

  42. Seriously? There is no marriage ceremony as such in the bible. There is a feast, but no civil ceremony. That is something we created – a human event. Render unto Caesar and such…

    However, there are many actions that we as humans participate in which are an abomination to God. It is quite interesting that the most openly visible ones are the most abominable ones to hypocrites. God specifically says we do not need to defend His Word because He is the judge and jury on that end. His Word will not go out and return void. What He does intend for us to do is to love our neighbor as ourselves – and by neighbor He means our fellow man and woman. He also specifically states in His Word that we are to look upon our neighbor in whatever state we find them, and pray for them, but DO NOT become them. When you begin to cast judgment, become judgmental, speak unkindly, have a foul heart toward, spew hatred toward, etc., another human being because you deem them outside of the will of God, which is neither your place nor your business, you MUST find yourself outside of His will as well – which is the first judgment you are allowed; to judge your own actions and state of being.

    When you get yourself together and find yourself living in the way and will of God, then you can talk to your neighbor right. Work on that beam in your own eye, then you will be able to work on the splint in your neighbors eye, with care not to blind them, or even hurt them much, because you will remember how painful it was to get that huge beam out of your own eye and retain your sight.
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  43. Ok, I started reading the comments, hoping to see one from Randy. I just don’t have time. DID RANDY RESPOND???
    I loved the Dear Randy letter. Maybe he read it and feels too stupid or ashamed to respond?! Or maybe it opened his mind and he just doesn’t know HOW to respond? Anyhoot, your family is awesome and there’s A LOT of love. And you are all so creative and happy and well rounded. Hmm, more “functionable” than most “normal, shall I say” “families”.
    Poor Randy, his marriage must be weak! Perhaps his wife IS secretly gay and he found out, but doesn’t want HER to know he knows. Or…maybe he’s gay!!! And doesn’t know how to deal!

    1. Nope. Randy didn’t respond. :( lol Sad face.

  44. Pat - on the term "marriage" says:

    “Marriage” is a legal institution, which is why lawyers and the legal system are needed to undo it. Some churches do allow same sex marriages within the church because they don’t try to control what people think. Why would anyone want to belong to a religion that promotes judging of our legal system and our rights to make choices we need to as individuals in this life? Anyone who writes in judgement of same sex marriages on this blog is looking like someone from the Spanish Inquisition to the rest of the world.

  45. and here, you lovely blogger, is where we diverge. I will *always* ask bigots to explain themselves. Politely. If people are going to put their hate out there for me to examine, I consider it impolite to ignore it. Forget about using the frozen smile of horror; it only encourages them. Explain to them, again politely, exactly why they are bigots. Please. ♥

    1. If you want to take that risk with children in your care, that is your prerogative. First and foremost, I am a mother, and I simply refuse to engage in potentially hateful conversations in front of my kids.

      1. I’ve had plenty of these conversations with children around; surprisingly, they don’t get heated. Usually after explaining the definition of bigotry to a bigot, they want to disengage. My kids have grown up watching and learning that it’s possible to exchange views in a civil way, and they know how to agree to disagree rather than argue, while standing up for themselves. Not saying my way is the right way, only that it’s really not bad if you keep emotion out of it. <3

        1. You never know what the other person is going to say, and that’s just not a chance I’m going to take with my 5 year old. I suppose everyone has their own way of dealing with things. :)

          1. Not to mention, you were caught off guard….should it happen again I imagine you’d have a whole wack of ways to approach the subject….but in the moment – being surprised by it…I agree it’s better to let some things be. Particularly with your daughter around…and especially with something you are so passionate about.

  46. Hugs from my family to yours. I married a person. Just so happens to carry a chromosome that’s different from mine. More importantly? We both vote, and so do our kids and we don’t agree with hateful fear that causes discrimination. <3

  47. It is unfortunate that there are still people out there who think like he does, but the day is coming when the tables will be turned and those with small minds and hateful hearts will be the minority that the rest of us can vote against. A world where rational thought takes precedence over irrational fear may not be in our near future, but it is coming. How sad it will be for the “christians” when they have their rights voted away by the rest of us. And by “christians” I specifically mean the people who use the bible and religion to push their hateful agenda, not the loving Christian people that actually listen to and follow the example that Christ himself set for us.

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