Open Letter to the Anti-Gay Home Depot Employee

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This is a letter that I hope is seen by a Home Depot employee named Randy. Randy was really nice… very chatty… when I came into Home Depot today to get the materials for a fort my girlfriend and I are going to be building with our kids this weekend. I love chatty employees. :)

Open Letter to the AntiGay Home Depot Employee

Randy and another employee were talking about how America is going downhill because of the jobs being outsourced, etc. I chimed in, agreeing with most of what they said. The employee (not Randy) asked what I did for a job. I told him I was a blogger. Randy and the other employee asked what I blogged about, so I told them – a little of this, a little of that… recipes.. controversy – they asked for my blog address, and said it sounded like it would be fun to read.

Then the employee asked if I blogged about politics. I said no, because I’m not really passionate either way on most subjects to be able to debate them. Randy said he was! So I told him he should start a blog about politics. :) Then he said “Well, I was just raised differently. People don’t think like I do.” Sounds like a recipe for controversy to me!

What Randy said next made my jaw drop.

“Those gays… ya know… this country is in the crapper because of things like that. Them trying to take marriage and turn it into something different… I can’t stand it.”

There I am, just standing there, staring at him. Like, please tell me you did not just say that? At this point, I’m guessing his gaydar is broken – and I forgot to wear my big rainbow “I’M A LESBIAN” t-shirt. So, I just smile and nod.

The other employee is looking at Randy, not sure what to say. He didn’t seem to want to agree with him, but he probably didn’t want to start a war. I started to push my cart away, to pretend to look for something else in another aisle, when Randy started talking again.

“Family… man what ever happened to family? We can’t even have families anymore. Gay marriage should be banned in all 50 states! But you know that won’t happen cuz the GLB..whatever that gay organization is, they’d be marching downtown saying how they wanted marriage too!”

I just smiled, nodded, and walked away. He tried to ask me about a chicken recipe as I was walking out of the aisle. I wanted to scream at him.

Guess what? I’m a lesbian AND a vegetarian, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

.

But… I didn’t. I just walked away. I hope he finds my blog and I hope he reads this.

This is a family, Randy.

Dear Randy,

.
It was really nice chatting with you today. You said your wife would love to read my blog, and you said you would, too. You thought that it was interesting that I blogged about controversy, even though most moms don’t like to. Then, our conversation got derailed. Just when I was about to mention my girlfriend and how she loves to cook, too, you started talking about politics and gay marriage. Why you had to ruin our nice conversation is beyond me, but I took it in stride. I listened to you with an open mind, and gave you the floor.

When you said gays were ruining marriage, I wanted to ask you to clarify. HOW are gays ruining YOUR marriage? Does your wife want to leave you for a woman? Are you going to leave her for a gay man? Are you addicted to gay porn or something? I mean, how exactly, is me being in love with my girlfriend, a bother – at all – to your marriage?

You’re my age, or maybe older, so I don’t think you can use the excuse of “how you were raised” any longer. It’s time you get your own thoughts together, and use your own brain. And if you still decide that gays are so horrible, then fine. But come to your own conclusion.

Why do you think it’s okay to tell someone that type of thing, anyway? My 5 year old was with me. Luckily she was distracted with her baby doll, but if she had heard you… she would have been upset. You were basically telling her that her parents are ruining this country. Really? Because I can think of 100 other things that would ruin this country before love would.

This country is being ruined because of close-minded bigots, and because of people like me that don’t open their mouths and educate people like you, like I should have today.. I should have stood up to you. I should have told you what I really thought and felt. I should have somehow tried to change your mind, but I didn’t want to be the “crazy lesbian woman” you saw at the store today. I just wanted to get my damn PVC pipe fittings and go home to my family – my girlfriend and kids- and build a fort. If that ruins your marriage, then your marriage wasn’t very strong to begin with.

Sincerely,

Sadie

aka
The lesbian you insulted at the store today

P.S. I am not mad at Randy. I’m sad. I’m disappointed because he seemed like a great guy – and he might be a great guy, but I don’t even care to find out after the hurtful words he shared with me today.

Shared by LGBTQ Nation, One Million Moms, 1 Million Moms against One Million Moms, and many others – THANK YOU!

Comments

  1. Beth says:

    Marriage should be open for EVERYONE (gay, straight, lesbian, bi-sexual, etc). A family is a family. You’ve got an awfully cute one.
    Beth recently posted..Saint Louis Renaissance FaireMy Profile

    • SlapDashMom says:

      I agree, a family is a family! Though I realize lots don’t.

      • Joyce says:

        I think you did well, considering the circumstances. You will speak up when the time is right. Anything you would have said wouldn’t have changed his opinion, but it will make a difference. I’m hoping that at least someone overheard the conversation and it was reported to management. I’m really surprised he said that considering the Home Depot’s stand in supporting GLBT’s. It doesn’t matter where you work in retail, employees do NOT have freedom of speech.
        Have you heard of the organization One Million Moms? They have a website: onemillionmoms.com and are on facebook. They aren’t necessarilly boycotting, but are strongly urging people not to shop at JCPenny, Home Depot, Target, and many more places because they support and/or employ gays. I wonder if they know that Facebook is pro-GLBT?
        I am a straight pro-GLBT christian.
        I will definitely “like” SlapDashMom!!

    • kevin kennedy says:

      I too am very sorry you and your child were subjected to that. It is ok that you didn’t say anything,but you should try really hard to speak up next time. I’m a 58 yr old gay man and every opportunity I have had since I was 16, I have spoken up. My Father always said “why do you always have to tell people,just be quiet about it”. But I was driven to,because my Father had always taught me to stand up for myself,and I have always known that I deserved the same rights as any straight. I’ve had people spit in my face and tell me they were going to kill me. I even had a business account cancel on me because of my being gay. But you see, because of all the years we,the older gays have come forth and stood our ground, is exactly the reason gay rights are becoming more acceptable for us today. Its not easy,but its a must,even if you can’t change a persons mind,you can show your pride. I can tell from your story, you know this, and I encourage you to be strong the next time. You have that right. Thank you very much for sharing your story,and your response in your blog was great. I wish you and your family many happy years.

      • SlapDashMom says:

        Thank you for stopping by. I am sorry you had to deal with a business account ending because of your sexuality. Business is business and should not be affected by who you love or sleep with. I am hopefully going to be able to say something to the next “Randy” (because lord knows there are tons of them), but in a calm and respectful manner. That will take just as much strength as walking away did, so it may take me a while to figure out what to say. Any tips are greatly appreciated, Kevin!

        • Kim says:

          I have to pipe up and agree with both of you. One of my dear friends is clearly not an activist although she doesn’t hide that she is a lesbian or her family. She told me once that the way she could best advocate for equality was to be as normal as her neighbor. The more she could show people that she and her partner were like everyone else (2 parents, 2 kids, a dog and a mortgage) then the less undecided folks could see that begin gay doesnt make a person less, just one more difference in a whole bunch of differences that make up a person.

          I’m grateful to the brave ones who have spoke out for years. But people advocate in different ways.

    • Pat says:

      Clearly “Randy” doesn’t have a good understanding of what ‘marriage’ behavior entails. He won’t have a good relationship with his own partner if he doesn’t understand that the intercourse involved is a matter of communication, respect, love and numerous other behaviors aside from any physical contact. He seems to be thinking that “marriage” means getting his jollies with his wife and maybe making babies? How very sad that she is stuck in a relationship with someone who thinks that way. She must be very lonely in that marriage. And possibly emotionally abused if she has any thoughts that don’t fit his specific square box of a brain.

      Anyone with a good partner relationship will understand the complexities involved in why choices are made in life that need to be right for the individual, no matter what someone without social skills has as an opinion. I can never understand why someone thinks they have a right to judge choices made by others who aren’t in their shoes.

  2. Ugh. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. People are so ignorant is just infuriates me. It’s close-minded people like HIM that ruin the country… Not ‘those gays’. Disgusting.

    You really are full of controversy today aren’t you? You need TWO posts about positive things tomorrow ;) hehe
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    • SlapDashMom says:

      lol I will definitely work on some positive posts. Hopefully we can get this darn fort built! :) I really felt bad that he thought what he was saying was okay. It’s like he didn’t realize how hurtful he was being. He didn’t know me. He didn’t know if I was gay, if my mom was gay, if my brother was gay… he just didn’t think before he spoke. :(

  3. Liz says:

    Sorry you had to deal with that kind of ignorance. I try to avoid such topics, because it usually just infuriates me. I know you were trying to get away from that idiot. You’re family (and some other gay families I know) are stronger than a lot of the straight families I know. People have started redefining family and I like it! Randy just needs to get with the times…or keep his bigoted opinions to himself!

    • John says:

      Well he is probably a Christian and homosexuality Is against his religion. If you can deal with the fact that you are closed-mindedly insulting his religion that’s fine. Just get your facts straight first. There is a reason why man and woman have different “parts” and whether you believe God did it or evolution did you can’t deny that a man and woman were meant to be together to procreate. And swing that he should “keep his bigoted opinions to himself” is denying him free speech which is what is happening and what America was founded on.

      • SlapDashMom says:

        I didn’t ask him about his religion, John. And I wasn’t trying to have homosexual relations with him, so how was homosexuality even relevant to our conversation? Oh wait, it wasn’t. Your theory is flawed, considering the amount of infertile STRAIGHT couples I know. He was at WORK, he should not have been mentioning his PERSONAL religious views… but you don’t even know if he was a christian so who are you to ASSume SO much?

      • Pat says:

        Men and women have different “parts” for procreation, John. That has NOTHING to do with christianity and you sure don’t speak for the majority of “christians” in the world. You are hiding behind the term “Christian” to spout homophobia and that is that.

      • Heather says:

        So, by that rationale, it should be okay for a Home Depot employee to practice his free speech at work to customers?? So what topics could that cover? Pedophilia, Racism, Religious Rants, Sexism, etc… ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? If he wants to talk about these things on his own time, than that’s one thing, but he’s AT WORK.

        And, YES, male and female genitalia were made to procreate. But procreation is not a requirement to marriage or to love in general. If it were, than it should be ILLEGAL for any man and woman to marry unless they plan and succeed at reproducing children.

        If anything, having many NON PROCREATING couples free to be together and be legally supported by each other in marriage, would do nothing but HELP society. POPULATION CONTROL MAN!!

      • Shellie S says:

        @ John: I find it so interesting that people keep throwing in the “procreate” reasoning for bashing gays. I know several infertile heterosexual couples. Based on your thinking, they should not be allowed to marry? I mean, after all, isn’t that fair? They can’t procreate so in the eyes of God they should not be allowed to form a loving union? John, you need a serious wake up call.

        • Bethany says:

          And there are 7 billion people on earth and more and more people are born everyday. WE DONT NEED MORE PROCREATION!!!

          • Irene A. says:

            My mother used to say that the Bible does say to “go forth and multiply”. She also said, “dammit we have done that, now”. lol

      • Kathy says:

        John, she was in Home Depot getting PVC. She didn’t start anything with this man, didn’t mention she was gay (or vegetarian, which is almost just as upsetting to some people) and was just having what she believed started off as a pleasant conversation. She didn’t mention religion so she didn’t insult his, whatever it was, since he didn’t mention it either.
        Oh, and btw, if a couple is past child bearing years, should they then discontinue sex? I mean, they aren’t procreating any more, so why bother? They have the “parts” but can’t make a child, so sex so there’s no need for sex, correct?

      • Glenn says:

        @John, if his religion is against Homosexuality or gay marriage, THEN HE SHOULDN’T DO IT. Where, exactly, do you get off believing that existing differently than some other person’s religious belief is being close-minded? Just so you know, my heterosexual wife and I can no longer procreate, due to menopause and cancer surgery. By your logic we should end our 34 year marriage because we cannot procreate! If you or the Home Depot bigot don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry someone of your gender! Other’s getting married doesn’t hurt either of you!

        The same, basic arguments were used supporting laws against people like my wife and I marrying, back in the fifties and sixties. Against nature, against the bible, against the word of god… Now people are clearly seen as bigots when they have issues with blacks and whites marrying. The Supreme court clearly stated marriage is a basic and fundamental civil right.

        @SlapDashMom – keep in mind PVC will start to bend in the heat – don’t use it for long connections, in the fort.

        • Kate says:

          @Glenn – Your whole post was fantastic and, for some reason, that whole thing about the PVC bending in the heat made me laugh until I cried! :)

      • Hailey Stuckart says:

        What does that have to do with it? Christianity is about love and acceptance….

        I am in favor of same sex marriage…..I am straight….and I am Mormon.

        And I feel precisely what this post said…How is the world is someone with same gender attraction threatening my marriage and the sanctity of my family? It’s not…the same way my heterosexual marriage is not threatening the sanctity of theirs.

        No facts are off here….and in fact, I think it’s unfair to say and assume that Randy is Christian and therefore justified in saying what he said. I don’t care how you slice it – Christianity is not about such ignorance. And it’s about time people stop hiding behind it as a way to be cruel and ignorant and hurtful. I can honestly say, that being Mormon/Christian, I believe we were made as man and woman for a purpose. BUT, I do not believe this means we should not support and accept others who feel or live differently. Hate is not the foundation of Christianity – any religion honestly and it’s about time we started really living that. Religious or not.

        I’d have had an earful for Randy at the store….I almost can’t handle when conversations turn that way – it seriously infuriates me.

      • Well John you have never seen any animals then either. I doubt God or Goddess is against same sex relations when so many species have it. And to go with the old joke once your married all sex is the same sex you should not be judging. My other half feels like he should be female and we love each other. Worry about things like homelessness, war and world hunger not who is loving who among non related consenting adults.
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  4. Marisa says:

    I think you should be proud of the way you handled it. Sometimes the best thing we can do is turn around and walk away. Someone who hides behind being “raised that way” is unlikely to change his opinion. I was raised with a lot of opinions I later decided I didn’t agree with, part of becoming an adult. Sorry he said such hurtful things, but I think taking your beautiful daughter and walking away showed just as much courage as attempting to debate it with him!

  5. Sadie,
    You have a beautiful family!! I really hope that Randy or his wife reads the blog and maybe apologizes to you!! I hope y’all have fun building the fort!! Can’t wait to see it :)
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  6. Becky Worthman says:

    I guess people like him just assume everyone agrees with him. Or maybe he was trying to be controversial, cause you said you liked it? I hope so, because it makes me sad to see such ignorance in fellow human beings. He didn’t even express a reason (cause there aren’t any valid ones that I can see). I ran into a guy like this at Jack-in-the-Box…made a joke that he’d have to find a man to marry now that “those gays” are ruining marriage….what? I think his “joke” was based on the idea that the thought of two men or women marrying was ludicrous, and he just assumed I would agree and laugh. I am not gay (happily married) but it’s in the damn constitution, for crying out loud. Consenting adults should be free to marry, period. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, am I right?

  7. cyndie says:

    Great post! Not great what happened. But i hope to that they do look up your blog.

  8. Jodi S says:

    Sadie, I applaud your tenacity, your honesty, and your ability to speak on an obviously higher level than the MORON you encountered. I am a hetero female, married, mom to a gorgeous little Hunan Princess. I can totally appreciate where you went with this. Because I’ve had to endure similar. You got the “gay/lesbian” ruination of the country. I usually have to listen to the “China is ruining the country”. Do these people not realize that trash talk in front of a sponge (aka our brilliant little toddlers) is what causes so much hate in this world??? A friend of my fathers made a comment about how all the “crap” made in China is why our country is in such sorry shape… I had to remind him that his (in name only) “Niece” was “MADE IN CHINA” and then I walked away disgusted. So thank you for taking a stand.

  9. Anna says:

    Keep fighting the good fight and being the best mom to your kids you can be! that’s all that really matters. it stinks that sometimes one person has to fight the good fight or bite her tongue for the good of the whole community. stay strong mama!

  10. I guess everyone is entitled to an opinion, even though some are pure shit. On the bright side, you should get a gold star for practicing self restraint! I don’t think I could have done it – luckily your daughter wasn’t affected by the ignorance.
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  11. Melody says:

    Wow, just WOW. The absolute hatred he has for something so benign is unbelievable! I can admit to…and you’re going to hate me for this, voting to keep gay marriage illegal years ago. I can look back at that decision with complete distaste today. At that time, as always, I was going through trying to change the way I was brought up. I was brought up in the church, and hearing that it was a sin against God. I can tell you that I’ve always questioned just about everything I’ve been brought up to believe. And then, I get thrown a curve ball by seeing my MOTHER post stuff about being okay with gays and lesbians on FACEBOOK. All of these years thinking that she was just as against it as I thought I was supposed to be. There are lots of other things I’ve changed my mind about, too, but that’s not really what this post is about.
    If it were brought to the floor again today, I’d be first in line to vote NO to gay marriage being illegal in this state, and all the other 49 states. I didn’t know you then, heck, I didn’t know anyone that was gay. I guess looking back, my mom’s best friend in college was gay (he died of AIDS when I was a kid so I never met him). I guess hearing “Gay is wrong” in church for all of those years made me forget that even my mother has her own views about what is right and wrong. I want to say that I’m sorry to you and all the other gays, lesbians, transexuals, and what have you. I’m sorry for not considering what I was saying to you and your children. I was wrong for not thinking for myself. And I’m sorry that America, and people like Randy refuse to do the same. I hope that Randy or his wife sees this post and starts to rethink the way he treats people in the very least. He’s lucky you weren’t some big, burly gay man with muscles the size of his head, because I’m not sure he would have walked out of that situation in as good condition as he did today. I realize I’m rambling at this point, but my heart hurts for you. <3
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    • SlapDashMom says:

      Melody, if it had been up for a vote back when I was still in church, I probably would have done the same. It took me many years to come to terms with who I am. I don’t fault you for voting that way, and I am glad that you aren’t that way anymore or we never would have met and become such good friends. <3

  12. I will NEVER understand how people think what anyone else does is their f*cking business unless it directly affects them – though (THEIR GOD) knows that of course it is better to be in an abusive screwed up hate filled family home than one with love regardless of the dynamics. Not!

    Prejudice makes me sick in any form, well, I will admit to being prejudiced against prejudiced people because I consider them ignorant buttholes, but really, it’s soo very very sad that you and your daughter had to deal with such a small minded moron.

    If someone has a valid viewpoint I will try to engage them into an intelligent discussion, but flat out ignorance with nothing to back them and their narrow minded views up – well, as someone famous or at least oft quoted once said- you can teach all you want, but you can’t fix stupid. In this instance, there was no point in wasting your breath trying to educate and getting out of the hate filled space as quickly as possible was most likely the best thing you could do at the time.

    Again, sorry you were hurt, because it had to hurt, but I hope you don’t let it spoil your enjoyment in the fort, which sounds way fun.

  13. Hannah Johnson says:

    I am so sorry that that man said that to you. He’s ignorant and needs to be educated on gays. Gays and lesbians are people to. He doesn’t need to treat them like they are a disease or something. Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals have the right to marriage and family like everyone else. I am a bisexual woman. I have dated women before and would not have a problem with marrying a woman. If I was you, I would’ve given that man a piece of my mind. I am always the one to stand up for myself. Really he needs a highfive…to his face. I would do that but I am against violence.

  14. Natasha says:

    Hi Sadie :)
    I’m so sorry you have to deal with people like that! Kudos to you for keeping your cool. Hopefully he will educate himself a little better before spouting off BS like that again. Hope you ladies got your fort built and have an excellent weekend!

  15. Darcy says:

    Ugh. Even if you think that way don’t start blathering on like that to a customer. I’ve never understood the “ruins the sanctity of marriage” bit. I know straight people that ruin the sanctity of their own marriage but it doesn’t affect mine. And remember when interracial marriage was going to ruin it too? Well that was before my time but I’ve heard about it.

    Family is what you make it. (I am glad your daughter didn’t hear is stupidity)
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  16. Jill says:

    Wow, that sucks. I had a similar experience last week, although I wasn’t with my kids. A couple of my coworkers and I were in a taxi cab on our way home from an LGBT networking event that our company hosted. We saw a Gap ad on the side of a bus that showed two gay men, and we were pointing it out and talking about how great it was, when the can driver points and says, “Is that supposed to be gay? UGH! UGH! UGH” And for the entire rest of the drive, he kept groaning and shaking his head. I yelled forward that I thought it was awesome, but he didn’t hear me through his groaning. I was completely flabbergasted, and couldn’t really think of anything to do except glare at him.

    I don’t know. I would probably send a letter to the manager of that home depot, saying that your experience was ruined when one of their employees started making negative comments about gay people and how they are ruining the country, without realizing that he was speaking with a lesbian and her daughter. Say that you expect that someone speak with him and tell him to keep his own political opinions to himself, as he is representing his employer when he is at work, and his opinions (especially his hateful and bigoted opinions) are irrelevant in the workplace.

    I’m sorry that you experienced this. And sorry that your daughter was with you (but very thankful she didn’t hear it). I guess I’m glad that Randy felt like he was the minority in his opinions, which means that obviously he has been criticized for his views in the past. That’s something at least.

    PS – It bothers me so much that everyone just ASSUMES that everyone is straight. I wear a wedding ring, and so clients (and others) are always asking about my husband. If someone is using gender-neutral terms like spouse or partner, use those gender-neutral terms right back at them until you know for sure!

  17. Leila says:

    Love, love, love this! I have been saying that for years – what does a woman loving a woman or a man loving a man have to do with anyone but them!? How does gay marriage *hurt* anyone!? It doesn’t. A man and a man getting married does not impact me or anyone else for that matter! A woman marrying a woman does not hurt me or anyone else! People need to get over themselves!

    And as for the family aspect… oye. Who says a man and a man or a woman and a woman can not have a family, raise successful happy children and be happy!? I would much rather see children with a loving family headed by a gay or lesbian couple than see them sitting in the foster care system!

    People’s ignorance is what is ruining this country. Things like this get me so heated because I just do not understand. I do not understand the ignorance of people. I do not understand why it is anyone else’s damn business who loves who. I could go on and on, but I am going to stop, step back and breath.
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  18. Tara says:

    Growing up in the deep south I have heard all sorts of reasons why gay/lesbian individuals are ruining the country. I’ve always been of the belief that what happens in your bedroom is your business, not mine. The bullying and hatred that some people have for others just because of who they love is disgusting. THAT is what is ruining the country, and the world.

    Many years ago, when I was still a teenager, I lost a very special friend. While we were not extremely close, as we only knew each other for a brief amount of time prior to his death, I think of him almost on a daily basis. He was bullied because of his sexual preference and killed himself. After his wake I stopped and grabbed a bite to eat. A classmate of his was working at the restaurant and asked why I was so dressed up. When I told him I was on the way home from the wake he said, “Oh, that gay guy that killed himself?” I said, “No, that loving human being who was bullied to death”. He replied with some statement about how the world was better off now. Seriously? How? How is the world a better place now because one of the kindest, funniest, most handsome, loving people I’ve ever met is dead? 13 yrs later and it still hurts.

    I’m sorry that you have to deal with such idiocy.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      That is so sad, Tara. :( I cannot even imagine the pain he endured.. and his poor parents.. :( Horrible. People have got to start thinking about how their words can hurt others.

  19. You have a beautiful family. If anyone is ruining their marriage it’s their own character not someone else’s. You were classy walking away from him. I hope he reads this and feels really crummy, however, I have a feeling an idiot like him still won’t get it. BTW I’m straight but have awesome gay and bi friends – both male and female. Amazing how people think I am too since we’re friends. And you know what? I don’t mind if they do.

  20. This is why I hate people. My kids are briar ciao and I have dealt with some doozies. I’m sorry you had to deal with this. It cuts deep and lasts a long time. You’llmanage, I know you.
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  21. Sadly, the real problem is the way you were raised (Said tongue-in-cheek)… You were obviously raised to be too respectful of other peoples ignorant opinions! Although it saddens me that not only you, but your child were subjected to such a small-minded, big-mouthed moron, you showed great patience towards someone that never should have opened their mouth other than to assist you in your shopping needs.
    I would love to join the ranks and say I’ve know/am friends with many gay people (in fact I really am) but more importantly I am just friends with many people that happen to be gay. My NOT being gay doesn’t seem to bother them, why should their sexual preference be any of my business? Oh, you’re right, it’s not! I support my friends in their lifestyles because I took the time to know them and they took the time to know me. All I can do is try to raise my kids to know that ALL people are created equally, and should be treated with respect. And hopefully they will grow up to show the respect that you showed a stranger.
    Best wishes in all your endeavors! And looking forward to seeing how the fort turns out!!!
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  22. Ann says:

    I am so sorry that happened to you. Yes, there is so much more that has destroyed America. Gays wanting to be married is not one of them. What about intolerance (guess he has never heard united we stand), greed, disrespect, lying, etc? When we teach tolerance, respect and values such as compassion and honesty, our nation will improve.
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    • Toby Phelps says:

      I am a Christian, so I am a straight man married to a wonderful woman and have two beautiful children. I am not a bigot nor homophobic. I don’t need my mind changed on how I feel or think. I understand you point out United we stand, remember this country was founded on Christianity and the Bible I read leaves no room for doubt about this issue. Also the lgbt community says I should accept their choice, should you not accept my choice also that I feel it is wrong in more ways than one and that I teach my children it is wrong. Straight people would be a lot more open to acceptance if we didn’t feel like it was being shoved down our throats although I will never condone it and will always teach that way of life to be morally wrong, that doesn’t mean I don’t care for your soul.

  23. Some people just never think before they speak and seem to not really care how words effect others.
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  24. Kristin says:

    I have to say, straight marriages are ruining marriage. The divorce rate for straight marriages is hovering at 50%. So, Randy, what do you say about that? People get married and divorced without a second thought. I know so many straight couples my age that have already been divorced once, and I’m 27! I’m proud to live in a community where we give GLBTs the same rights as everyone else – including healthcare and benefits for where I used to work (a large well known medical facility in MN).

  25. I appreciate you commenting that you felt like you should have said something and you didn’t. Its so difficult when someone says something foul and your thrown off guard and then walk away and wish you’d said something.

    I moved recently from Berkeley to Irvine and Im originally from England. Im not used to the kind of silly opinions that are now expressed around me routinely at work. I feel like I can’t get into political arguments at work, but I feel so conflicted when someone says something, that to me, seems very obviously to be just sloppy thinking and a repetition of what they’ve heard from someone else.

    I do make it clear that in the UK our right wing is the same as your left wing and we think your religeous right are a bunch of lunatics (no offense to lunatics) and that means most people just don’t say that stuff around me, but I feel guilty and that I should be doing more or at least speaking up against stupidity.

    Your family is beautiful and lets see your fort design in a post.
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  26. Well, I applaud the fact you kept your dignity, and moved on. I expect it had something to do with the little one being with you. You know people just really don’t understand. LOTS OF PEOPLE just really don’t have a clue. I hear so many insane things about a variety of subjects — and there is no “getting thru” to have them even consider another viewpoint.
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  27. I’m so sorry that he has no brain. There are so many more things that are ruining our country rather than gay marriage. I am ultra conservative but I still believe and feel that how a person chooses to live their life and love who they want is there choice. It isn’t my place or anyone else’s to tell two people they can’t have the same rights that I do. If two people love each other that is all that matters. I’m so sorry he was a jack ass and opened his mouth. It blows me away someone would say something like that after talking to you for a few minutes. It isn’t like you’re friends and thought that was an okay subject to discuss.

  28. I am sorry that another persons life experiences caused sorrow and harm to you. I’m sorry that man grew up in a closed minded atmosphere, and I hope that he does read your blog and feels just as affected as you were by his insensitive and uneducated remarks. I hope his encounter with you broadens his outlook because if it doesn’t, he just missed an opportunity to know a great person.
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  29. Those Gays…lol why does that make me smile? I am proud to be family to, friends of ‘those gays’… Love is love, it is as diverse as well it is diverse. ( different situations, but still love). I give you the utmost respect for your containment and taking the higher road. I would dare say there are a zillion other things ruining straight marriage these days. People marry for the ‘now’ not the forever. People marry for what feels good at the time and often times forget it isn’t easy, and takes work. People bank on the ‘next time’ not the forever time.
    I always remember…. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” Love you Sadie for you!
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  30. I shared this post on my FB page earlier, and a friend pointed out that Home Depot definitely supports the gay and lesbian community. http://boingboing.net/2011/06/03/home-depot-to-americ.html

    So sad this employee didn’t know that he wasn’t just insulting you and being a dumbass in general, he was going against his company’s public position, too.
    Jen – Life With Levi recently posted..Old London Tames Teething ToddlerMy Profile

  31. Sha says:

    I posted my 2 cents (kinda) on my blog (trackback above) and I am SO happy to see the Jen shared that Home Depot supports the gay & lesbian community! (Thank you Jen!). Hopefully Randy (or his wife) has seen this and will think before speaking so openly in the future.
    Sha recently posted..School’s Out For The Summer…My Profile

  32. So sorry that there are people who feel this way. Lovely family portrait by the way!
    Diane N – Philzendia recently posted..Electrolux Oxygen Ultra Air Cleaner – EL500AZ ReviewMy Profile

  33. Hate is ruining this country, not gays. Not whites. Not guns. Not people of color. Not latinos. Hate. That’s all there is to it. Hate and fear. It’s ridiculous that you even had to write this letter. I looked through your comments, hoping to see that Randy had written in and apologized but he hasn’t. I wonder if he ever will but I certainly hope that he sees this blog. I hope you plan on leaving it sticky for a week or two.

    Love will keep us together. Always.
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  34. I hope randy reads your letter to him. Some people never know when to just keep their mouth shut. This country could use lots of good things like love. God bless you,your wife,and those sweet kiddos of yours. That is what family is,parents raising childrrn in loving homes! I’d love to see a picture of the fort! Very cool!!

  35. Go Sadie!
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  36. BeckyJ says:

    I commend you for standing your ground and keeping your cool! You are an awesome mama! <3
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  37. b-girl says:

    Randy saying what he did is rude and I’m sure is in direct violation of Home Depot policy (most retail employers don’t want employees expressing their opinions on controversial topics on the job, especially if is the opposite of the corporation’s stance (Home Depot is pro-equality for anyone who doesn’t know)). I’m apparently not as nice as you, since I hope Randy’s boss saw this or his coworker reported him and he got fired.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      B-Girl, I understand your frustration and I don’t think I was nice – just in shock and very upset. I am happy to hear that Home Depot is pro-equality, but I know Randy has a family and I don’t want him to get fired. I do hope he reads my letter, though. :)

      • John Equality says:

        It’s ironic that you have more respect for his family than he had for yours. I hope you’ll go right back to that Home Depot and make a complaint. Or at least mail the manager a copy of your open letter. If Randy gets fired as a consequence, that’s not your fault. It was *his* decision to be rude to you in this way–he brought it on himself. And it’s up to his supervisors what to do about it–they could fire him, or they’ll most likely reprimand him and make it clear that this was unacceptable. They might choose to give him sensitivity training, or they might see it as a red light that their employees need to be reminded how to treat customers with dignity. If any of that were to happen, it would likely prevent other LGB people or their children from being similarly assaulted with a hateful message. So keep in mind that by not reporting the incident, you’re not doing anything to educate Randy, you’re depriving Home Depot of an opportunity to rectify the situation (and to prevent it from happening again), and you’re running the risk of more innocent people being exposed to this noxious treatment. I hope you’ll reconsider and report the incident–what happens after that is not your concern. It’s up to the folks at Home Depot, who have a better sense than you do of the issues at stake. For all you know, he’s been reprimanded for this before, and really *should* be fired if he cannot control himself.

        • SlapDashMom says:

          Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion, John. I do appreciate it. I wish I wouldn’t have used his real name, because I’m sure it will get to his managers now anyway in one way or another. I just want Randy to see it and to realize how hurtful his words were. I know he doesn’t respect us or see us a family, which is crappy, but I don’t want to be that way back to him, ya know?

          • John Equality says:

            You’re a more forgiving person than I am. Randy really isn’t a “great guy”–great guys don’t villify entire swaths of humanity. But I forgot to mention, in my own self-righteous rant, that I’m sorry this whole thing happened to you. I’ve been poking around the rest of your blog, and really enjoying it, and wouldn’t have found it if not for the reposting of this entry on LGBTQ Nation. So it got your wonderful blog some free publicity, at least!

          • SlapDashMom says:

            John, I definitely understand what you are saying and I normally wouldn’t call someone so close-minded a great guy. He just seemed like one from the few minutes of chatting we did, and I almost feel sorry for him I guess? He doesn’t realize his words are so hurtful. As a black man I would have thought he would have understood equal rights, sensitivity, etc a bit more, but I think he missed it completely. I really hope he sees this letter and I think the LGBTQ Nation helped with that. Thank you for stopping by my blog, I am glad you like it!

          • Jayne says:

            When we learned how to walk, we banged our knees and bumped our head… it hurt a bit but we learned. If Randy gets hurt a bit because you mentioned his real name, then at least he has a chance to learn a little bit…

            You did fine. You didn’t go to the store with the intention of educating the ignorant, you went there to show your kids how to build a fort and have fun while doing it, and you showed your girl how to treat people who work at stores. Everything you did was completely worth doing.

            I’m hoping his quiet friend explained things to him. I’m hoping he just didn’t want to start a war *in front of customers*

          • Stephen says:

            I think you did right by not continuing the conversation with him in front of your kids. This is not something any child should be subjected to and maybe the only thing said back that would have made any difference that would not have ended with a dramatic end in front of your kids would have been “Hate is what is ruining this country.” I must admit I would have walked away too but, for the sake of the 100+ GLBTQI employees that may work beside him and have to hear this hate. It might have been best not to have him in any form of public relations. He should be fired or at least rectified if he is saying these things (around children especially). If you do not want him fired maybe you should tell him that and explain your situation and how you just wanted to shop and not be bothered by his words of intolerance. Because if you don’t some one will get him fired for this. It’s only a matter of time that he says this to someone else and they may not be as nice as you. He ether needs education of tolerance (by yourself or another employee) or he needs to be given a lesson about customer service and have his manager talk to him.
            I am sorry you and your family had to endure this. Just remember being passive aggressive is not how woman were given equal rights. It did not free slaves and it did not win WWII. If we want change in our world we have to will that change. We have to be that change. We ourselves have to be open to change.

  38. So sorry you had to deal with someone so close-minded. :( I really wish people would get over themselves and stop spewing the same crap over and over. I really do hope that Randy sees this and realizes he was wrong.
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  39. GreenGirl Evie says:

    Just wow. Interesting read indeed and just so unfortunate that the encounter was like that. My husband and I had a similar uncomfortable encounter a few years ago while eating breakfast with the other guests at a bed and breakfast, after eating we made our way out of there as quickly as we could. Just makes me sad and disappoints me that some people choose to let their fears, misunderstandings and prejudices alienate themselves from other people who could have been friends or at least a pleasant person to talk to casually. Well, enough of my own thoughts. I’m happy to know a majority of open minded, accepting, loving people and have them as a part of my life. Many people are not as fortunate as I am in that way..

  40. Rita says:

    I’ll never understand why homophobes say that gay marriages are ruining America. How? It’s just like you said, unless your marriage is under direct threat by an affair with someone of the same sex, I don’t see how gay marriage is ruining our country.

    Everyone should be free to love who they love. No questions asked. Love is a basic human right. Love is love.

    I shared this on my page http://www.facebook.com/1MillionMomsAgainstOMM. Hope you don’t mind.

  41. Sandy says:

    Don’t blame Home Depot, they have won me over(long Story) Randy is just ignorant as are so many people, as I was in my younger days, because that was how I was raised. No you should not ever have to be treated like that, but unfortunately America is not coming around as quickly as it should. I pray for the day when everyone feels like if I have it you should have it. Just keep living as you are and standing up for what is right(as I will) and maybe we will see equal right in our lifetime!!!!

  42. Chantelle Brown says:

    I am so sorry, that some narrow minded bigot, was more concerned with being a dick, than your daughter. I am straight. But I feel that if anyone is ruining marriage, it is peole like Brittany Spears, who got married for 2 days. And the millions and millions of couples that choose to quit as soon as it starts to get a little different than before. I was raised that marraige is tough, that it is work and you have to give it 150% every day. People who don’t know this, or don’t care, they are the people ruining marraige. I wish that everyone had the chance to love who they wanted to, and not have to worry about will my kids be told by their teacher that we are a bad family. or the dick from home depo. I don’t know if his reasons are religious, but GOD hates ugly.

    • Regardless of who is ruining the institution of marriage, it was origianlly intended for a male and female
      God’s word is clear on the purpose of marriage. The creation of marriage is recorded in Genesis 2:23-24: “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

      • SlapDashMom says:

        Gods word came AFTER marriage was created.

      • CanadianGirl says:

        Not to mention God’s word means nothing to a lot of people. It is understandable that gay marriage is not permitted as a religious ceremony but to make it illegal is absurd. Unfortunately law and politics are far too influenced by religion. To force someone to abide by the laws of a religion in which they do not believe is ludicrous.

      • Pat says:

        @ Perspectives, that is a good term to use for your nom de plume as your comments are coming from your own belief system, and that is where they should be staying. Randy is a bully with his religion in trying to impose it on ‘captive’ audiences, and at work he is waaay out of line. As has been stated, “marriage” was around long long before christianity, and if you want to adhere to a religion that twists that story for an agenda, go for it, but don’t impose it on others who don’t choose your belief system. Marriage is a legally binding contract, like any other contract, and the church has chosen to ‘bless’ these unions of their own accord in a manner that is just a celebration of the LEGAL union that gives rights to the partner. If you had any legal training you would understand that “common law” and “civil law” were developed even before books were invented – for judges to administer fairness consistantly in villages. Judges, not priests. The first books were developed within religions, thereby allowing religions to control these terms within their followers. Religions didn’t invent marriage which is why they have NO control over divorces, either. Personally I don’t think much of people who can’t think beyond religious beliefs as some of those beliefs, preached by humans, not gods, end up inflicting major pain and killing other humans in some cultures. Then those preaching humans hide behind books as an excuse. Doesn’t work for me because I have a brain that can interpret words for myself.

      • Heather says:

        We may possess slaves, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. (Leviticus 22:4)
        I may sell my daughter into slavery. (Exodus 21:7)
        If one works on the Sabbath, they shall be put to death (Exodus 35:2)
        Eating shellfish is an abomination. (Leviticus 11:10)

        I could go on and on, but I think you get my point. If even devout Christians were to obey the scriptures of the Bible, 99% of us would have been put to death already and the remaining lunatics would watch the gutters would flow with blood from all the public stonings.

        Wise Christians have learned to cumulatively “ignore” these ludacris rules as they are deemed outdated for current society. I just truly hope, at some point, all religious scriptures will be ignored as law, and religion can just be shared for what it is…an interesting and engaging fairytale to use for entertainment purposes only.

      • ithinktoomuch says:

        What you forgot to mention in your Genesis quote, is that before that, God beheld Adam and said “It is not good for man to be alone”. The usage of “man” here, referring to all of (future) mankind, including women and LGBT’s. All of us. Right after God said that, he brought the animals to Adam for naming, and to see if a helper could be found amongst the animals. When one was not found, God made Eve out of Adam’s rib as he slept.

        Perhaps this means God condones bestiality?? That’s certainly a step farther than condoning LGBT!

      • Stephen says:

        Just stepping away from any religious dogma hear and speaking only of politics. IF what you say is true then it would appear that it is a religious view. Religion is not supposed to govern politics. So if what you say is true then that would mean that all marriage should be made illegal and maybe use a different term like union. However I like the term marriage it for me has more meaning. That meaning is that one is bound to another beyond death. That those souls will be with each other through out eternity (not under the eyes or your god or “God” or any other deity. oops did that last word blow your mind look it up it might give you some insight to the world as a whole.

      • Joyce says:

        Perspective – The verse that you quoted (Genesis 2:23-24: “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”) does not say that marriage is only for a man and a woman. You are paraphrasing. ooops!! wrong perspective.

  43. Pam says:

    Standing up an applauding you. Very well said. I live in Utah and I am disgusted by the small minds of most of the people in this state in there views on the LGBT community. A couple of months ago I was in Costco a couple were saying the rudest things about the gay couple in front of them. I had enough and laid into them. I just can’t believe how rude, mean and ignorant people can be.

    Bless your heart

  44. Tracey says:

    I was raised like Randy, too. Then I grew up and realized my parents are dead wrong. The thing that strikes me most about this scenario is that Randy had no qualms with spouting off his opinion as if he was totally confident that you’d agree with him. Yet, if you HAD mentioned your girlfriend you’d likely be accused of “shoving your gay agenda down his throat.” Gotta love that double standard . . .
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  45. Crystal L says:

    I am so glad that I came across your blog thanks to http://www.facebook.com/1MillionMomsAgainstOMM! First, as a former employee of The Home Depot, let me say that that man should be terminated, immediately. As much as he may be a good, upstanding citizen, beyond his bigoted and ignorant ideas of what love is, your place of employment is not a platform for voicing those opinions. ESPECIALLY NOT TO CUSTOMERS! He is incredibly lucky that you are obviously such a kind and open minded person, unlike himself. There are many people who would have sought out the manager on duty and reported him, or called the hotline at home office to complain, in either case if he wasn’t let go, he would be put on a final warning. Secondly, I applaud how you handled the situation. As a mom I always try my best to control my reactions to the ignorance of others in my daughter’s presence so that I can be a role model to her, as you are obviously are to your little girl. I wasn’t raised in the south, but I am a Christian. Just not the pretend kind who forgets that Christ loved everyone, the lepers, the outcasts, the prostitutes, the Romans… Too many self righteous so-called Christians seem to forget that this is the main lesson we should have learned from Him. I live in Niagara Falls, NY. When the law was passed in New York to allow same sex marriage, I celebrated! Many of my friends were engaged that week, if not that same day. It’s a beautiful thing when 2 people who love each other stand up and exchange vows, 2 hearts, 2 minds, joining hands… that’s what matters. Not what chromosomes we have in our DNA. Bless you and your beautiful family! I hope your tree fort comes together and your children enjoy it! <3

  46. Amy Murray says:

    I’m posting this on my facebook page… How very sad that I used to be one of those ignorant people! Shame on me and never again. So very sorry that you were made to feel the way you did and I have no idea other then you have self control/discipline! Now a days, I would have spoke my mind in a very tactful but get the point across way… Beautiful family that you both have…. Much love…

  47. Anastashia Carroll says:

    I think that is why I carry my rainbow legalize lanyard with me everywhere I go and I rarely put it in my purse so others know not to talk equal rights with me especially if its the opposite on where I stand. I admire you for your patience and resiliency. I want you to know that your family is just like any other family and deserves to be recognized as a family by the government and even by those who may disagree with it. You’re one in a million and Randy is just another a hole who is as ignorant as the rest of the bigots out there. Stay strong sister! Your girls are lucky to have a mother like you and I’m sure your partner is a keeper as well :)

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you! I think I should get one of those lanyards… great way to show support without blasting it at the roof tops and being obnoxious (like with the shirt in my example above lol).

  48. RB says:

    Call the store and ask to speak with the store manager. Give them Randy’s name, and a description of him, what time it happened, on what day, and even the name (or just the description) of the other sales person. Tell the manger not only what he said, but make them aware that this was done in front of your child, and that she was thankfully distracted and didn’t seem to hear it. You can let the manager know that you don’t want him fired, but that what he did was extremely offensive, and that he at least needs a warning or to be written up. Once you are done with the store manager, ask her/him for the name and number of either the district manager and/or the corporate number. Call any number they give you and repeat everything you did with the store manager. If he does this to one, he’ll do it to another with no problem. The next person’s child may hear it. Please, take a stand, and report him.

  49. Aussie Jac says:

    I think it’s time to get one thing clear! Most people who were born before the 80’s or 90’s for the lucky ones, were “Raised that way”. This is not a phrase to hide behind, I believe it was because people didn’t know better. Not always intentionally, but they just didn’t understand or take the time to educate themselves about homosexuality and therefore didn’t raise their kids with understanding and many not even with compassion for others who are different from them (no matter what the difference was).

    We now have the knowledge and understanding, not to know what if it like to be homosexual in this world but we know without doubt that everyone is meant different, that’s what makes us special. We all deserve the same rights and to live our lives in peace.

    Please we owe it to our grand kids and great grand kids to get it right this time! We should be raising our kids to treat people how you want to be treated (which many do) and to only judge a person by how they treat you and not by how someone tells you to judge them or by their sexual preference, skin colour, religion or anything else.

    I am proud to say, this is how I raised my daughter and I am even prouder of the way she treats everyone!

    Saidie, you have a Gorgeous family but you don’t need anyone to know that. If people still have doubts or concerns about Gay marriage and the affect it will have on society, I say to them, look at you family photo. I ask them, what do they see? I see a loving family with three happy kids with big smiles on their faces. How could anyone have a problem with that or want anything more.

    I wish you and your family lots of Love, Laughter and happiness in your future.
    Aussie Jac
    (Jackie)

    • Aussie Jac says:

      I just corrected an error in my email address.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you, Jackie! I agree that back in the day (before the 80s is “back in the day” to me LOL), they didn’t know any better. But for someone to hide behind it now is ridiculous. There is education everywhere BUT I know that because of people like me, Randy doesn’t even know I was gay… so he is probably like “I don’t know any gay people”. I need to work on being able to stand up for myself in a calm way. I did not trust myself to say something in a calm way and respond in a civilized manner if he got hateful.

      Anyway, thanks for stopping by! I appreciate it. :)

  50. Lilith says:

    I Think you should have complained. They probably wouldn’t fire him (you could even mention that you don’t want him to get fired, just be reprimanded) but they would give him a warning and/or sensitivity training. What he did was wrong and he needs to learn that or he WILL get fired someday.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Lilith, I completely agree and would have in any other situation, I think. If I hadn’t been talking to him for a good 10 minutes prior to his comments, I would have complained. But in that 10 minutes, I saw Randy as a person – not just as another stranger or employee I passed by. He talked about his family, about his struggles after getting a degree and not being able to find a job, etc. I felt sorry for him that he still leaned on “how he was raised” to control his political views. While what he said was unacceptable, I don’t think I could have calmly said something to him… so I used it as an opportunity to vent on my blog. I had no idea that thousands of people would read it, and I am glad they did because there are more “Randys” like him out there, and maybe this will show people that A)you CAN walk away and still make a difference, and B)you CAN stand up to people but you have to do it in YOUR way.

  51. As hard as it is to believe it sometimes, things will get better. I think you handled Randy’s ignorance much better than I would have.
    Back in the “dark ages” (1979) when I found the love of my life in high school, things were different. Nobody was out, and when we decided to become parents in the early 90’s we agonized over whether we were being selfish, if it was fair to bring a child into our lives.
    Tomorrow we will celebrate her graduation from a Catholic high school with more than 100 of our family and friends, most of them straight.
    Our daughter is an honor student, with more than 600 hours of community service under her belt. She volunteers at a bereavement center, food bank, senior center, animal rescue and will be leaving for college in August for a major in Social Work/Psychology.
    Our daughter, your children, and the kids being raised in families like ours are the best possible ambassadors and examples of exactly why intelligent, committed people SHOULD marry and raise families.
    God Bless you and your little family, and I pray that in my lifetime, this just isn’t an issue anymore and we can all just live our lives and raise our kids and not have to worry about people like Randy..and I hope, really, that he doesn’t reproduce.
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    • SlapDashMom says:

      Congrats to you both, and congrats to your daughter! :) Thank you so much for stopping by. It’s nice to hear from others that have raised successful kids, despite being different. I can’t imagine how hard it was then, compared to how it is now, but I know everyone still faces hardships today.

  52. Serena Woodward says:

    You have a beautiful family. As a mother myself, I believe you should be proud of yourself. It’s difficult not to tell someone like that how ignorant you think they are. You had your child with you and you decided to walk away and use a better platform to air your frustration and anger, good for you.

    I’m sorry that people’s ignorance impacts your family in a way my family will never have to deal with, I just hope that in the near future it is no longer an issue.

    I hope the fort came out well and that everyone is enjoying it.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you! :) Sapphire loves the fort but it was a partial fail.. lol. I may post about it later. I appreciate your comments – the ignorance we have to deal with is hard BUT I think it makes us all stronger. My 7 year old, for example, would have lectured Randy had she been in the store with me. She WOULD have been listening, and she would have told him what’s up. She has no filter lol. If I was not in the relationship I was in, my 7 year old wouldn’t even KNOW what a gay/lesbian person is. So I know that while the LGBT community still has to deal with issues they shouldn’t have to in 2012, that we are all (straight AND gay) educating our children in ways we never would have, ya know? It’s early, and I’m rambling.. but thank you for stopping by. <3

  53. Kelly says:

    We have worked hard to bring our 3 sons up to be open and accepting of all people regardless of….well anything. I am proud of them because they have in their circle of close friends gays, people of different nationality, race, or religion. I have to laugh when my oldest was 5 and we were introducing some of these more abstract ideas to ponder he asked me a good question: “mom, if men can marry men and women can marry women (at this point I am thinking why is dad never around when they ask the hard questions?)…well, who wears the wedding dress? LOL That one I could answer!

    Our heterosexual family would love to have your beautiful family over for a vegetarian feast (oh, we aren’t vegetarian either but know many recipes because some of our friends are : )

    • SlapDashMom says:

      lol that was a question I had when I was like 20! :) Smart cookie you’ve got there. Be proud of how you are raising them! And the sound of a vegetarian feast makes my mouth water!

  54. Bit mama says:

    I’m sorry you had to experience this. Quite frankly, if it weren’t for my gay boyfriend, my heterosexual marriage would be in the s**t hole. He provide the emotional support my husband is challenged at giving, but yet doesn’t make my husband jealous, because it’s a non-threatening relationship.

  55. CCgram says:

    I have worked at the big orange box in the past. The company as a whole is actually very LGBT friendly. If you report Randy to his superiors at work he will probably lose his job. Now that could interfere with his marriage. Before doing that, I would return to the store with out my kids and speak to Randy one-on-one. If he still doesn’t “get it”, then I would go to his supervisor. You can call the service desk and find out his schedule.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      If I thought they would just talk to him instead of firing him, I would do that. But I do not want to harm him, his family, his job, etc. I have a feeling he will read this. Not sure if it will change his mind but I am hoping it will plant a seed.

  56. Lulu says:

    I’m straight & married for 14 years with 2 little ones. Growing up I remember my aunts living together raisin my 2 cousins. Guess what. My parents separated after 20 years of marriage and my aunts are still together…growing old together. This is in South America, where the stigma is even worst.I’m a BIG supporter of equal rights, I wish my aunts could share their love in the open, like we all do. I don’t even like to say gay rights…I call it equal rights, we are all the same, no matter who we love and who we chose to share our future. I wish you guys the best, your girls are lovely. My kids are 7 & 4 and we already talk about how families are different. kids grow up with their parents, two mommies, two daddies, grandparents, adoptive parents, etc. As long as we are in loving families, it doesn’t matter how it’s built!

  57. Stephanie says:

    Please, please send this blog post as a txt.doc, or cut and paste into the body of an email to the headquarters. Look, I am not trying, nor advocating that anyone be fired….but, the company needs to be aware that one of their employees is using hate speech in front of the customers.

  58. christina says:

    i feel sorry for randy and his uneducated, closed mind. marriage should be for everyone and it needs to stop being referred to as gay marriage and hetero marriage. love is love. we all bleed red when cut and cry tears when hurt. im happy to say that if my daughter ever brings home a girlfriend, she wont have to worry if we accept her life choices because we love her unconditionally no matter what.

  59. I’m sorry that happened to you, but Isn’t it nice you have a platform like this to get your feelings out, and say what you want to say to him? I personally believe that anyone who talks like that is not very aware of the world around him. He’s stuck in some mindless hateful opinion that plays over and over again in his head, and sadly he will be stuck in that negative state for a long time unless he wakes up. I would never let someone like that into my life, but I do feel sorry for him and his sad state of mind. Happiness is just a shift of perspective away.
    Bellaisa recently posted..Will a Love Quiz Really Help You Understand More?My Profile

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Bellaisa, it’s very nice to have this platform. It helps me a lot. I feel sorry for Randy as well and I hope this letter opens his eyes, even if just a little bit.

  60. Don't be so hypocritical says:

    Why I agree that what Randy said was disrespectful, what’s getting me is the amount of absolute hate he is getting from everyone here. So we fight hate with hate, is that it? That is his opinion, albeit a seemingly unpopular one, it’s his nonetheless. Not everyone shares the same views on issues. The sheer amount of hypocrisy is absurd in some of these replies. Yes, his comments were rude and completely out of place, but how are your comments that he should “never reproduce” any less rude or disrespectful? I don’t know, it’s just my opinion. Which is obviously something not welcome here.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      “Don’t be so hypocritical”, this is my blog and your opinions (even if they don’t jive with mine) are WELCOME no matter what anyone says. But when you post an opinion, don’t expect me – or others – to quietly disagree. It’s called Slap Dash Mom for a reason. ;)

      Yes Randy was rude but I don’t think he meant to be, and I have not been rude back to him. If I saw Randy today, I would say hi to him and smile and wave, and I might tell him to read my blog if he hasn’t already.

      • Don't be so hypocritical says:

        I’m sorry if my comment came off as rude. I just reread what I wrote and was surprised at how snappy it came out. That was not my intention. I applaud you for keeping your cool with him. I certainly wouldn’t have taken it in stride as you did.

    • Joyce says:

      Don’t be so hypocritical – It was inappropriate of him because he was at work. Yes, we all have freedom of speech but employers have a policies and manual booklet that employees are to abide by. He was there to help her with her shopping needs.

  61. Dude In An Apron says:

    I work at the Orange Box. Not sure if its been said before, but on every receipt there is a code with an online survey about your experience at the store. There is a comment section and the store management is supposed to review & post them for the employees in the break room, any negative names are edited out usually. I’d say take out the names & submit the open letter there. This will likely force management to have to deal with the situation as a whole, as all that info goes to corporate. This way you won’t directly hurt his job, but he’ll still know it was him, and higher-ups will have to say to everyone, at least minimally, “Hey, lets try to hate on your own time.”

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you, Dude In An Apron. I will work on submitting the letter – without names and locations – to see if something can be done overall instead of just directly to Randy. Like I’ve said before, I don’t want to hurt him or his family. I definitely don’t want to cost him his job. I just want him to open his eyes.

  62. wilton says:

    I’m really surprised that he went all political on you and expressed himself in this way. He is an employee whose job it is to help people in the store, not rant about his own political and social views. Basically he’s not a very good employee and I’d suggest that you call up management and make a complaint. Not because he doesn’t like gay marriage, but because he felt it necessary to share his view in the manner he did which was extremely unprofessional.

    Wilton

  63. Dr. Cynthia Kegel says:

    I’m not going there without a bunch of big gay thugs!

  64. I think you handled it the only way you could have. You had your daughter with you; the last thing you want is for your daughter to be caught up in a controversial conversation which she is too young to comprehend correctly. So please don’t beat yourself up over it. Putting your feelings on paper is much more effective; cooling off and thinking about what you wanted to say is far preferable to saying perhaps the wrong words in the heat of the moment.

  65. Powell says:

    Bravo!

  66. Ben says:

    You’re an inspiration for what you do as a person and a mother and don’t feel shame in not educating. It is sometimes better to not spur the fire, but let die out. You never know what this letter might have done for Randy, opening his eyes to think “oh, she was a lesbian…? she seemed normal” :P ya know. You have a beautiful family! – Ben
    Ben recently posted..A drink with the president.My Profile

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you, Ben! I am hoping that is what will happen! :) I really think he will read my blog, he asked for the address and whatnot.. so why not? And my wish is that he will see my blog for what it is – a blog – and like it. Then he will find out I’m a lesbian and be like WOAH.. so she’s NOT ruining my marriage. :) Orrrr… something like that. Even though that is probably wishful thinking.

  67. Jason says:

    Kudos on keeping your composure. I would have not been so nice. I’m straight, but a few of my family members are “The Gays!” that everyone refers to as well as a few friends. The real fact reality is that people are to scared to educate themselves and stand up to this bigotry because of what others might think that are close to them…I know because when I was in my teens before I knew my uncle(s) were gay I used to be homophobic. After opening my mind and attending pride marches and gay pubs I found more pleasant and sociable people. I try to change the view everyone I meet because my life actually got better when i got better at accepting.

  68. Ulrike says:

    I have to say, I’m amazed how you managed to not kick Randy’s butt. I’m a hetero, so I wasn’t even addressed, but some guy can tell you how I reacted when he started to tell me his bigot anti-gay crap. I’d hope that Randy will get to read your blog on this way or another, and feel very very ashamed. Maybe will even start to come to mind on this topic.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      I’m not really sure how I controlled myself, to be honest lol. I guess if you are a parent you understand though. You look at your innocent little 5 year old and you realize that if you school this guy it could get ugly. So you just walk away.

  69. Marriage is Love. says:

    it’s not “the gays” that have ruined marriage, it’s the spouse beaters, the adulterers, and the dead-beats. I remember a bumper sticker I saw once said “If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get one.” It made me chuckle, because it’s true. Those who think “the gays” shouldn’t marry, really should look into themselves and see what it is they hate about themselves, and why they don’t think people no matter who they are have a right to be happy. The constitution says we have the rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

    • SlapDashMom says:

      You hit the nail on the head!

  70. Slinkgirl says:

    This makes me want to cry. Your family is beautiful and you’re not affecting MY heterosexual beautiful family. He thinks “the gehs” are ruining his country, yet your dollars fund his paycheck. I hope he never hurts someone he loves with this horrible, uninformed hate. Good luck on that treehouse!

  71. Sheila says:

    This is why Dome depot get to 85 in the corporate Equality index, and NOT to 100 like so many others.
    Randy is probably lucky there wasn’t a manger around to hear him spew his bigoted comments at a customer, or he would join the unemployed group. THAT might ruin his marriage.

    • Sheila says:

      Home depot not Dome….”smart” phone

  72. Marcus says:

    Was trying to say something witty and funny and all I can do is shake my head. \

    As you said, Sadie, how that hell does your life have anything to do with ruining America, or cheapen/attack my marriage to my wife, Deb? Was just going to say they are unrelated, but then again, for some stupid @@#$@ reason, Deb and I are allowed to get married and you are not (in most states).

    And, if it’s a “right”….you shouldn’t have to vote on it…just accept it.

  73. Stéphane Pilon says:

    Real love is very rare, few people understand this. Religion does not make you a good person. Marriage does not make you a loving person. Money does not, by itself, bring you security if you are fearful (and therefore full of fears). Politics should allow us to live together in peace but it does not. This could be a long list but you get my drift.
    This world is inhabited by many good people. It is also troubled by a lot of violence, bigotry, hatred and fear. There is no escaping this reality (well, for real I mean) so the good people have to learn strength, patience, courage, resilience, compassion (the kind that is stronger than dogma) and then, one day, we will know the true nature of Love. All of us. Even the bigots because the good people will have had the compassion to show them their own heart buried under many fears.
    When I look in my own mirror I see so many fears still. But it finally dawned unto me that they are only showing me what I have to learn to love. Not condone if it is hurting anyone but love enough to learn from it. When there is true knowledge there can only be Love. It is a long road but there is no other one.
    From my side of the road I salute you all.
    Stéphane

  74. John Casey says:

    Welcome to America in 2012.

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Germany in 1938.

    All of the problems in this country weren’t caused by bad leadership or the bloodsucking 1% draining us dry; it was caused by this MINORITY group who is immoral and hates the country.

    let’s round them all up in fenced in places where they can contribute to the greater good of The Fatherland… um, I mean America.

    I’m not tolerating it anymore.

    I’ve seen people complaining that Liberals should be the “polite” ones, and not stoop to the levels the Conservatives use. Sorry, but I’m not sitting quietly reading books while the John Birch Society writes my kids’ Social Studies books.

    I’m not tolerating hate speech and bigorty. is it okay now that it’s not anti-semitism, or racism? Is that it?

    You should have kicked him in the shin, and them made a hell of stink with a manager. And then called your local newspaper.

    Sharing “I believe in gay rights!” on Facebook doesn’t do anything if thse people are getting elected to your school committee, does it?

  75. Samaire Provost says:

    In the backyard of life, there are some piles of poop. Sometimes we accidentally step in one of them. Just hose your shoe off and keep going. He may have seemed nice, but he was just a pile of poop.

  76. Great letter! I agree that if gay marriage is able to ruin his marriage, it couldn’t have been very strong to begin with. I hope he reads your letter and takes advantage of the opportunity to really rethink his opinions.

  77. Lita says:

    Beautifully written! I am sorry that you had to experience that though.
    Here’s a letter I wrote in 2005 when the SS Marriage debate was raging ………….. we still have a long way to go here in Canada, but it was a start.
    Thank – you for being brave enough to write your letter and kind enough to wish no ill to Randy.
    http://seriouslymom.blogspot.ca/2012/06/my-2005-open-letter-to-canadians-on.html

  78. Heather says:

    Sadie,
    You might have made a positive difference in that man’s viewpoint if you spoke up, but it easily could have turned ugly, and then your daughter would have been made VERY aware of what was going on, and you would have felt worse about her hurt feelings than the missed opportunity to educate a moron. Besides, it is not YOUR JOB to educate him, it is HIS EMPLOYERS.

    I think millions of people (especially older generations) really benefit from diversity training in the workplace. If I was in your shoes, I would not hesitate to forward this blog entry to the general manager at that store, as well as Home Depot Corporate. As a manager myself, I would absolutely want to know if an employee of mine was spewing this hateful ignorance to a customer, coworker, or even just to himself in the workplace. He needs to be reprimanded AND educated if he expects to maintain employment amongst the public.

    This WILL prevent him from hurting another HD customer’s or coworker’s feelings in the future… Please don’t miss that opportunity =)

    Heather

  79. Sadie,
    I’m sorry that you and your daughter had to be subjected to the extreme ignorance of that closed minded store employee. I was raised to respect all human beings regardless of race religion or sexual orientation and I am raising my own son that way. It saddens me that this man who was obviously taught to hate the LGBT community as a child did not have the open mind as he grew into adulthood to realize that teaching a child to hate any human being is just wrong plain and simply. What bothers me even more is that is this man has children he probably raised equally ignorant children. For what it’s worth I have always felt that all human beings should have equal opportunities and that the legal definition of marriage should be changed to the legal union between two human beings and that the use of the words a man and a woman should be taken out of the definiton completely. By the way Sadie, you have a beautiful family :)
    Pam Thompson recently posted..How to Take Care of your DogMy Profile

  80. CGT465 says:

    Sadie,
    I am so sorry you have to deal with close minded bigots like you did today, and it’s a tough line to balance on, whether to open your mouth and try to educate them, knowing an already uncomfortable situation could turn even more uncomfortable or just keep quiet and move along.
    I do have a couple of questions for you though.
    Knowing that home depot is openly anti-gay and you were subsequently confronted by an anti-gay bigot, why were you shopping at home depot in the first place, and after Randy’s rant, why did you even continue to financially support them?
    I am on your side, I am married, and in no way will another loving couple living next door, whether it’s two men or two women or a man and a woman have any impact on my marriage. I strongly and firmly believe that any consenting adults of any gender should be able to marry.
    I hope next time you’ll reconsider financially supporting an anti-gay company, whether it’s a megastore like home depot or a small shop on the corner.
    Peace.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Home Depot is not anti-gay. :)

      • kevin kennedy says:

        Home Depo is a very open company to work for. I’ve had many friends over the years that are openly gay and never once had any problem. :)

  81. ScottMichael says:

    Not to one up anyone on their own blog (and that is not my intention), but had to share this. My BF and I were travelling and it was getting ridiculously late. I had already booked a king bed room. When I walked in at like 3:00am, asked for my room (the guy was wearing an inappropriately large cross necklace). He said it was ready, then my BF walked in with our luggage. He, shit you not, said he would only give us 2 doubles once he saw we were 2 guys. I didn’t show your restraint, threw a fit that probably could have required police intervention. We spent the night in the car rather than put up with that. The next morning, I went to the manager who of course appeared totally shocked and disbelieving, but we did get a king suite the next night free of charge. Doesn’t always happen, but in this cases the squeaky wheel does get the grease. Of course had we a small child with us, my reaction would have been more like yours.

  82. Handled with class, panache, and charm. Love it!

  83. Mike says:

    Just wanted to say the picture you posted is adorable, and I hope you meet more accepting people in the future.

  84. Tarra says:

    Sadie,

    It is unfortunate that you were subjected to that. I am glad your daughter was unaware of what was happening. Also, to that end, I think maybe it is better that you did not address the comments that he made as it would had obviously gotten very ugly. To have a conversation about homosexuality in front of your daughter is great. The argument that it would have turned into, not so great. I am glad you were able to avert even more ugliness by walking away. That is not always possible.

    You do have a beautiful family :D

  85. Ray says:

    Thank you for your words Sadie. There is always a time and place for everything.. and sometimes you do have to choose your battles… The good path, the path of Love is a longer and slower path.. but in the end has longer lasting results. **hugs**

  86. Some Asshole says:

    Personally I think you did the worst thing you could of, if words hurt people then people need to change their name from nancy. I think you should of broke his face, because breaking someones face always hurts them. Whern are people gonna learn this sit down in front of the bulldozer attitude doesnt work! If the church is screwing with your family make some cocktals and burn the bitch down, If the store personel screws with your beliefs make some napalm, and if some asshole insults you make him regret it forever, words are useless you would have better luck talking to a chimpanzee.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      That is genius! I definitely should have “broken his face”, and maybe should have had my 5 year old help!! Then I could go home and get my 7 year old and help her “burn a church down”. Why didn’t I think of that?!

  87. Shellie S says:

    Sadie, just my 2 cents, but I think you should have said something. And it’s not too late to go back in and say something without your daughter present. Saying something does not have to be a loud shouting argument, it could have been a simple, “Wow… it WAS nice talking to you. It saddens me when I find someone that by first impression likes me, but then that changes because of something I am they they do not agree with.” To come home and blog about it you are doing yourself and him an injustice. People can and do change. I had a racist friend.. he was raised that way. When we met and I realized he was racist, I didn’t just throw him to the curb, I challenged his beliefs…. are they valid? Guess what, he is no longer racist and is sorry for the time lost in his life with that thinking. Maybe the two of you won’t every have dinner together, but maybe he doesn’t know any gays. Maybe his views are based from a distance and those drilled in him growing up. MAYBE, had you said something, he might just go home and think about the cool mom he was talking with and …. maybe he might start to think. You owe it to your children and to every other supporting person out there to speak up. Blogging is great, but on this thread/subject, it was the cowardly way out. Stand your ground. How will you expect your children to be strong if you aren’t. How can you be angry at someone and publicly out them without giving them the opportunity to change? Honestly, coming here and posting about him is no better than him voicing his opinions in public. I am a straight mom who fully supports gay rights. I also support positive avenues towards change. This is just my opinion and not meant to bash at you, but change is a group effort. It won’t happen behind closed door.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Shellie, thanks for stopping by and adding your 2 cents. Even if one doesn’t agree with me I still love hearing from everyone (as you can see by some of the other comments I let go through). I must say you are very wrong when you said this was the cowardly way out. Do you have ANY idea how much courage it takes to write something that goes out to thousands and thousands of people? Do you know how much courage it takes to be an OUT lesbian blogger in the “mommy blogger world”? Do you have any idea how much courage it takes to walk away instead of getting into an argument with someone? I am confident that Randy will see this letter, and it is typed better than I ever could have spoken it. And I did NOT have confidence in my ability to remain calm and rational, if Randy had said something even more ignorant in front of my daughter. I respect your opinion and the fact that you disagree, but to call it cowardly when my story has now reached THOUSANDS, when before it would have only reached one – and possibly fallen on deaf ears? I think that’s ridiculous. I am obviously not doing anything “behind closed doors”, I simply chose to protect my 5 year old from the bullshit Randy was spewing. There is a difference, and if you are a parent I’m sure you know that.

      • Shellie S says:

        You are right, this is not behind closed doors, as you said… thousands have now seen this. Maybe Randy will read it; maybe he won’t. You said you don’t want him to lose his job, but maybe someone will recognize this “Randy” and he will lose his job now; maybe he won’t. Just as you blog your opinions, I was only stating mine. That’s what blogging is about. I am a mom, and I have handled many situations without losing my temper. What makes you think saying something would have led to an argument? If anything, I think he would have been embarrassed at his ignorance and loose mouth. I have lost a child and have had the most insenstive and hurtful things said to me. But, I addressed those with the the people that said them, not to thousands of other people. I gave those people the chance to hear their comment from the other side without turning thousands of people against them in a single post. It just seems that being a lesbian blogger to thousands, and some of those could well be moms of your daughters’ friends is much more out there for your kids to see than one rational comment to an out of line store employee – which could have been said without your daughter even hearing. You have a lovely family. I support your family and feel you have every right to have that family, as obviously many people do! We just disagree on how this situation was handled. It will be interesting to see if you do get any kind of a response from him. I hope you do, and it comes in some form of apology, a sincere apology. If not, then not much you can do. For the record, I think what he said was absolutely irresponsible. He clearly isn’t the sharpest tool in the store… You never know who you are talking with when talking to strangers. As for his views, you never know… people can change. I’m sorry you were hurt. I’m sure it won’t be the last time. Our world is slowly changing, but not fast enough!

        • SlapDashMom says:

          I’m not sure what you meant by “It just seems that being a lesbian blogger to thousands, and some of those could well be moms of your daughters’ friends is much more out there for your kids to see than one rational comment to an out of line store employee” — I was not afraid of being “out” in front of my daughter. I was afraid Randy would be a jerk if I responded to him, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to be nice to him if he was a jerk about it. I obviously have no issues being “out”, as you put it. :) My kids have two moms, there’s really no way to hide the whole lesbian thing to them or their friends. Maybe I misunderstood what you meant by out.

          On a side note, in response to your comment, Randy cannot be fired based on a blog post when his managers don’t even know which city and state the store was in that I visited. Even if they narrowed it down to my city and state, surely there are a dozen Home Depots in St. Louis.

          Also, I welcome your comments – whether they agree or disagree with me – as you can see by some of the other comments that have been let through lol.

          • Pat says:

            Sadie, as someone who volunteered as a children’s advocate for a period of time, I can say that it is never good to involve your children in confrontational situations. Those can be very frightening for the child, so much better to do what you did. I applaud you for that. Personally I would have written a formal complaint to the store manager to go into “Randy’s” personnel file. You don’t know whether this is a single incident, or whether other customers are also being put in a hurtful situation as you were. I am sure the store might forgive one error, but a continuation will cost them business, and they would want to know.

          • Shellie S says:

            And this is why writing can be hard! If we have coffee ever I will clarify! ha (It was not meant in a bad way!) Good luck and I will continue to check out your posts… as well as the recipes!

          • SlapDashMom says:

            :) I totally understand! <3

        • Heather says:

          Shellie,

          You said in your comment above:
          “…..It just seems that being a lesbian blogger to thousands, and some of those could well be moms of your daughters’ friends is much more out there for your kids to see than one rational comment to an out of line store employee – which could have been said without your daughter even hearing…..”

          That just makes NO SENSE AT ALL to me. Are you saying that having what could easily have turned into a heated conversation, right in front of her daughter, would be less “out there” than the obscure possibility that a mother that her daughter knows MIGHT read this, and then that same mother MIGHT relay this information to someone that MIGHT feel the need to hurt her young daughter with that information?? That’s. Just. Dumb. PLUS, I have had many instances where I would have loved to have put someone in their place with a quiet comment, but I held my tongue because my child was with me. You never know where it could go because it is a 2-sided conversation. I can control what I say and how loud I say it, but I can’t control them….and if it turns sour, then I would be exposing my young child to stress and ugliness that could have been avoided if I had just kept my cool.

          AND FURTHERMORE….I think Sadie telling her story, in this way, to thousands, serves a much higher purpose than any one-on-one conversation could ever do. And, if Randy reads this, I think reading viewpoints from many people will do more to educated him than if it came just from her.

          • Shellie S says:

            Ok, no, that is not what I meant. I did not mean that “a mother that her daughter knows MIGHT read this, and then that same mother MIGHT relay this information to someone…” I meant in the blogging world with this blog, NOT this particular post. There are, sadly, many people out there like Randy. And, yes, there is that “obscure possibility” that a mother of a daughter might read or stumble on this blog – NOT this thread. In that regard, my comment was meant that one quiet comment to Randy could have no more of a negative effect on her daughter than the possibility of what could be said to her daughter (in school, etc.) with this public blog being out there. That is all I meant. Also, my opinion, which is what blogging is about, is not so much that telling her story is not warranted, but that I feel telling it without telling him first is. I do not know why it is assumed that by saying to him, “hey, you know, nice talking to you… but, by the way, I am “one of those gays” and I guess now our conversation is over” would turn into a heated debate. One simple sentence and then walking away is hardly a heated debate. Do you really think, and granted he’s not too bright to say something like that to begin with, but, do you really think he’s going to start screaming at a customer on his job? I don’t think so. Most likely his response would be shock and embarassment. So, my opinion is simply that before I would publish a blog about someone, I would have first let that person know; my comment was not just about speaking up, this situation involves an after event to that situation. I hope Randy sees and reads this thread, is sorry for what he said, and apologizes – sincerely. But, seeing how this thread (being on the million/FB thread) has been seen by many, my main point here is that IF anyone recognizes this person, he has been crucified before even having a chance to think, apoligize, and possibly change. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I simply stated mine. This is my last comment, I have to work! Thanks. Great blog, Sadie. :)

          • SlapDashMom says:

            With your children, you are welcome to take chances on people like Randy. I will not, and I will not feel guilty about it. :) I also appreciate your comments but I don’t understand how you could think Randy would be recognized when there are hundreds of Home Depots in my state and I’m sure he’s not the only Randy that works at them. Ya know?

          • Joyce says:

            Shellie – yes, with some employees it happens. Let’s say that Sadie made that comment to him and walked away. Tried to walk away. He was already on a roll, depending on his personality, he might not of said anything, or he might of said a whole lot more. I’ve seen it happen, employees lash back at customers. She did what was best for her and her child at that moment with the circumstances that were. Someone else might have done differently, what was best for them. Sadie took the high road.

  88. faye says:

    Im once again stunned by the ignorance and i mean ignorance in both senses of the word that some people carry around with them like a big puss filled sore for everyone to see . I am a straight woman that has been divorced and i can tell that boy that being gay does NOT cause mariage breakdowns … being married to a problem is the problem … man , woman , gay or straight ! As long as there is love , commitment and respect then it is a good marriage and any kids lucky enough to be in that situation are lucky as well. Maybe the haters should start worrying about something else …say famine, or lack of human rights around the world or something that is a real problem … just saying .

    I also think that you did the right thing by not having your baby whitness your anger. It would not have changed his mind and it would have scared her. I have a sister that thinks like him and my other sisters and i argue with her all the time … she will never change but the new generations will. Anyway … thats all i got for now but i hope your family never lets it ruin what a great thing you have. Peace <3

  89. Bill Mulligan says:

    Sadie,

    Sorry you went through that. I was just recently talking to another friend about how people are far too willing these days to inject their own political opinions into everything, no matter how inappropriately.

    You handled this well and with class. Your not wanting to harm the man’s career is commendable, a degree of decency that few would match. To those that say you should have done differently, well, you could have gotten him fired and probably sealed forever in his mind the idea of gays as people who only want to tear things down and harm “normal” people…or, you could have done as you did and told us about it and proven him wrong. Kudos.

    Can I make one tiny caveat? I think the one thing that somewhat diminishes the outrage here is that you were the one who initiated the political discussion with him. He and his friend were (inappropriately, I might add) talking politics in front of customers. Once you join in the risk always exists that at some point the discussion will take a bad turn. If he had said that the problem with this country is that religious zealots have hijacked the GOP and are trying to sabotage the economy would you have been as outraged? Because that would have been just as wrong and just as deserving condemnation.

    If you are going to engage strangers in political discussions you have to be prepared for them to say things that are going to upset you and prepare accordingly.

    I hope randy reads this and reflects on how very wrong he was. Randy! Can you honestly read everything that’s been written here and conclude anything other than that Sadie is A- a good person, B- a great mom and C- in no way whatsoever a threat to our way of life???

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Bill, your response is very well written and I appreciate it. I do hope Randy sees my letter. :) I did not initiate a political discussion with him. They asked about my blog, I told them about it. Then the other employee asked if I wrote about politics. I said no. Randy then started talking about how his ideals of politics are different than most, so I suggested (instead of him telling ME about his ideals) that he should start his own blog. Even if I had initiated a political conversation with him, I think that he – as an employee – would have been responsible for walking away or declining to discuss something like that while on the clock.

      • Bill Mulligan says:

        Sadie, I was reading “I chimed in, agreeing with most of what they said” not as initiating the conversation but initiating your participation in it. It’s not a big deal, since one could well argue that when employees are discussing things loud enough for customers to hear they are making them a (possibly unwanted) participant in that discussion.

        You are absolutely correct that he should not be discussing things of that nature on the job. Especially an issue that has pretty big numbers on both sides. I mean, if someone says holocaust denial is wrong, ok, they are on pretty safe ground not to be insulting anyone who matters. But most issues in this country have close to even splits, or at least a sizable enough number of people believing it that it behooves one not to assume otherwise. And it’s NEVER a good idea to put people down; even if the person you’re talking to doesn’t fit into the category you are disparaging they may well love someone who does.

        Randy probably never imagined you were gay, being as you were a parent. Finding out that a loving mother of a happy child can be gay might open his eyes. I think you are approaching this with exactly the right attitude–most people want to be good, even if they do bad things. You can reach them by appealing to the good in them. I live in North Carolina and after the vote on the anti-gay marriage amendment a lot of people were damning the whole state. Not helpful. Those of us who live here and want all of our friends and neighbors to have the same rights we all should have need to change some hearts and minds and that gets a lot harder when our side is calling those people a bunch of hateful bigots. Catch more flies with honey and all that…

        BTW, your daughters are beautiful and have the glow of kids that are obviously loved. Cherish them; my own two girls are now grown. I miss having them at that age…though I now have a granddaughter, so it all works out!

        • SlapDashMom says:

          I apologize for not making it clearer in the post, we were all chatting and they started in about that subject, so I spoke up and agreed. I can see where it sounds like I kind of butted into the conversation, though. Thank you for pointing that out! :)

          Thank you for the compliment on my kids. I try to appreciate every moment I have with them. I hear grandkids are even sweeter, so at least I have something to hopefully look forward to when the pitter patter of their little feet have stopped. They’re only 10, 7, and 5 and I already dread them growing up!

  90. Teri says:

    Sadie, The Home Depot employee was way out of line bringing his personal views to work. On the that note I wanted to post what is stated on Home Depot diversity training web site. I believe that employee manager should be contacted and be addressed.
    Embracing Diversity, Creating Inclusion — One Associate at a Time

    As the global leader in the home improvement industry, our ability to understand, embrace and operate in a multicultural world, where we serve a diverse array of customers, is critical to our success. In order to remain competitive, our workforce must mirror the diversity of the world we operate in.

    To serve our customers, we must know our customers. To know our customers, we must reflect our customers. The greater the diversity of our people, the greater our ability to serve our customers.
    Diversity Councils & Associate Resource Groups

    At The Home Depot, our associates often take the lead on strengthening our diverse and inclusive workplace through our Corporate Inclusion Council, Division Councils and Associate Resource Groups.
    Diversity Leadership Council

    The council, made up of leaders from various functions of The Home Depot, helps to shape policy, determine key initiatives, redefine current processes and leverage inclusion as a business priority.
    Division Councils

    These councils include leaders from the Canadian, Southern, Northern and Western Divisions, who develop and execute diversity and inclusion initiatives in their areas.
    Associate Resource Groups (ARGs)

    ARGs are voluntary groups of associates who share common interests and backgrounds. Each of the seven ARGs develop and execute initiatives that align with the company’s diversity and inclusion strategy and support member development.

    To ensure the successful execution of their missions, each ARG is supported by an executive sponsor and the Diversity and Inclusion organization. The seven ARGs are:

    African American Pulse, whose mission is to make The Home Depot the most progressive enterprise in the world by enriching customer service and associate engagement, thereby increasing shareholder value.

    Hispanics Organized for Growth and Responsibility’s (HOGAR) focus is to raise awareness of the importance of Hispanic culture and influence to overall company business objectives.

    Limitless is committed to creating a work environment where there are no limits on achieving personal and professional goals. In addition, the organization advocates for full access to social, recreational and employment opportunities for associates and customers with challenges or disabilities.

    Orange Shield provides support for active duty associates, deployed reservists and their families. This group also helps develop programs to integrate new-hires and associates returning from duty into The Home Depot work environment.

    Pride Network’s mission and focus is to raise internal awareness and understanding of the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender customer segment and promote inclusion and respect for all associates.

    Pan Asian Waves promotes programs and activities that support multicultural awareness, associate development and community outreach.

    The Women’s Link connects women with opportunities and experiences, and helps increase women’s visibility in order to enhance professional growth and development. This group also supports our efforts at attracting and developing the finest talent, in order to create the best experience for our customers.

  91. I’m truly sorry you had to and I hate that we, as lesbians still have to go through narrow and closed minded people such as “Randy”. You have a beautiful family and I hope you figure out how to “calmly address these kind of people in the future. Love to you and your family.

  92. 1LuckyMama says:

    I absolutley think that you should send a copy of this letter to the location that this occurred! I can guarantee you that that man will loose his job, and maybe doubtful but maybe he will then realize the seriousness of his very hurtful comments made to you! Normally I would be against complaining about any incident that may cost someone their job, but in this case I wouldn’t care at all especially since he didn’t care about saying such rude comments with your daughter there none the less!! Even if you were not gay what horrible things to say in front of a child!!! He needs to realize how hurtful and ignorant his comments sound! That’s the sad part if he can say it so casually he probably doesn’t realize how awful he sounds!!

  93. Kali says:

    I grew up in a small fishing town in the east of Canada, there was always a lot of bullying for anyone who didn’t seem to quite fit in. When I was 3 years old I became friends with one of the most outspoken, spunky and energetic girls in town, we have been friends for 19 years now. It wasn’t until she turned 15 that she came out of the closet to me and one of our male friends who had also recently come out of the closet. She hid it from me for years she said because she was afraid that I would reject her. Which I always found to be a hilarious thought given the fact that I was one of the most picked on and tormented kids in the neighborhood because I liked to dress up as a punk. Not too long after these two friends came out of the closet another friend came out, we had met by being forced to go to the same church as children. As the years went by, I began to realize that in such a small town of roughly 15 000 people, there was an incredible number of gay, lesbian and bisexual people. I even briefly dated a guy who came out and told me he was bisexual after we were together for 4 months. After a few years I moved away to Montreal and discovered an even BIGGER gay, lesbian, bi community. I don’t know why it is, but to this day, some of the best people I have ever encountered in my life, people who were there for me and treated me like family, are NOT heterosexuals. In fact, heterosexuals bullied and tormented me for 8 years of my life for not looking like them. I get deeply offended and hurt when people insult homosexuality, I don’t understand why they hate it, or why they fear it. These are loving people who just want the same rights as everyone else, and I say let’s give them those rights. I mean come on, even Obama went on TV to support gay marriage. Listen to the leader, he’s a smart man.

    • Joyce says:

      Kali – I completely agree with you!!

  94. Jenny says:

    Hi, my name is Jenny. First I’ll say thanks for letting me tell my side. And my cousin is a lesbian. Anyway, you said how is you’re being gay affecting anyone else’s marriage. Well, it doesn’t. Not at all. But, (there’s always a ‘but’ right?) however, it IS (wanting gays to get married, I mean) making a huge MOCKERY of the holy institution of marriage. If you care to read the Bible it says that men with men and women with women are an abomination in God’s eyes. It’s like waving a middle finger in God’s face, or spitting on Him. Feel free to contact me at the above e-mail address. Have a good day, Jenny.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      I used to be a Sunday School teacher, Jenny, so I’ve read the bible. :)

      P.S. Marriage was created before the bible was.

    • Joyce says:

      Jenny – God made all of us. He loves all of us. Leave the judging to God.

    • Pat says:

      I also was a Sunday School teacher for a few years. @ Jenny – “marriage” is a LEGAL union, not a “holy” union as you suggest. If you choose to have a marriage performed by a church leader, that is your personal choice. Only within the specific churches/belief systems are parishoners trying to *own* marriages to control choices that people make. 99% of the time that is the fault of the church’s leaders who, in those cases, have a major personal agenda, (homophobia), and you should spend more time thinking about how to treat others for yourself rather than let these homophobic human beings who lead SOME churches be responsible for how you think. There is a reason a lot of churches perform marriages for same sex couples – as a heterosexual person that is the only type of church I would choose to frequent as the leaders are mentally well balanced people I can actuall listen to, and usually agree with on most topics. Think for yourself, and stop judging by what other human beings have told you to think.

    • Heather says:

      Why do you just point the finger at same-sex marriages?
      My husband and I were married on our cabin steps, by a Justice of the Peace. By your rationale, we clearly made a “MOCKERY” of YOUR holy institution of marriage as well.

      Do you also know that YOUR BIBLE (Leviticus 19:19) says that if you wear clothes made of 2 different kinds of thread, that you should be stoned to death? So, if you wear shirts of, for example, cotton/linen blend, YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE TEACHINGS OF YOUR HOLY BIBLE. Better go check the labels in your closet now….you will be shocked. Also, I hope you don’t like shellfish, because according to your Bible (Leviticus 11:10), it is an abomination as well, though not sure that stoning is the required to carry out the death penalty on that one.

      …and while I’m at it….Do you people realize that there are THOUSANDS of religions? And do you realize that we, as Americans are afforded the right to FREEDOM OF RELIGION? How can you Christians, etc… be so arrogant to think that the entire U.S. should obey only YOUR religious scriptures?

      The laws that we have in place in our country should ONLY reflect what we need to keep our citizens safe and communities running smoothly. NO LAWS SHOULD EVER REFLECT ANY ONE GROUP’S RELIGIOUS TEACHINGS.

  95. Seriously? There is no marriage ceremony as such in the bible. There is a feast, but no civil ceremony. That is something we created – a human event. Render unto Caesar and such…

    However, there are many actions that we as humans participate in which are an abomination to God. It is quite interesting that the most openly visible ones are the most abominable ones to hypocrites. God specifically says we do not need to defend His Word because He is the judge and jury on that end. His Word will not go out and return void. What He does intend for us to do is to love our neighbor as ourselves – and by neighbor He means our fellow man and woman. He also specifically states in His Word that we are to look upon our neighbor in whatever state we find them, and pray for them, but DO NOT become them. When you begin to cast judgment, become judgmental, speak unkindly, have a foul heart toward, spew hatred toward, etc., another human being because you deem them outside of the will of God, which is neither your place nor your business, you MUST find yourself outside of His will as well – which is the first judgment you are allowed; to judge your own actions and state of being.

    When you get yourself together and find yourself living in the way and will of God, then you can talk to your neighbor right. Work on that beam in your own eye, then you will be able to work on the splint in your neighbors eye, with care not to blind them, or even hurt them much, because you will remember how painful it was to get that huge beam out of your own eye and retain your sight.
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  96. Kelly says:

    Ok, I started reading the comments, hoping to see one from Randy. I just don’t have time. DID RANDY RESPOND???
    I loved the Dear Randy letter. Maybe he read it and feels too stupid or ashamed to respond?! Or maybe it opened his mind and he just doesn’t know HOW to respond? Anyhoot, your family is awesome and there’s A LOT of love. And you are all so creative and happy and well rounded. Hmm, more “functionable” than most “normal, shall I say” “families”.
    Poor Randy, his marriage must be weak! Perhaps his wife IS secretly gay and he found out, but doesn’t want HER to know he knows. Or…maybe he’s gay!!! And doesn’t know how to deal!

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Nope. Randy didn’t respond. :( lol Sad face.

  97. Pat - on the term "marriage" says:

    “Marriage” is a legal institution, which is why lawyers and the legal system are needed to undo it. Some churches do allow same sex marriages within the church because they don’t try to control what people think. Why would anyone want to belong to a religion that promotes judging of our legal system and our rights to make choices we need to as individuals in this life? Anyone who writes in judgement of same sex marriages on this blog is looking like someone from the Spanish Inquisition to the rest of the world.

  98. Dana says:

    and here, you lovely blogger, is where we diverge. I will *always* ask bigots to explain themselves. Politely. If people are going to put their hate out there for me to examine, I consider it impolite to ignore it. Forget about using the frozen smile of horror; it only encourages them. Explain to them, again politely, exactly why they are bigots. Please. ♥

    • SlapDashMom says:

      If you want to take that risk with children in your care, that is your prerogative. First and foremost, I am a mother, and I simply refuse to engage in potentially hateful conversations in front of my kids.

      • Dana says:

        I’ve had plenty of these conversations with children around; surprisingly, they don’t get heated. Usually after explaining the definition of bigotry to a bigot, they want to disengage. My kids have grown up watching and learning that it’s possible to exchange views in a civil way, and they know how to agree to disagree rather than argue, while standing up for themselves. Not saying my way is the right way, only that it’s really not bad if you keep emotion out of it. <3

        • SlapDashMom says:

          You never know what the other person is going to say, and that’s just not a chance I’m going to take with my 5 year old. I suppose everyone has their own way of dealing with things. :)

          • Hailey Stuckart says:

            Not to mention, you were caught off guard….should it happen again I imagine you’d have a whole wack of ways to approach the subject….but in the moment – being surprised by it…I agree it’s better to let some things be. Particularly with your daughter around…and especially with something you are so passionate about.

  99. Stacey Hall says:

    Hugs from my family to yours. I married a person. Just so happens to carry a chromosome that’s different from mine. More importantly? We both vote, and so do our kids and we don’t agree with hateful fear that causes discrimination. <3

  100. Drew says:

    It is unfortunate that there are still people out there who think like he does, but the day is coming when the tables will be turned and those with small minds and hateful hearts will be the minority that the rest of us can vote against. A world where rational thought takes precedence over irrational fear may not be in our near future, but it is coming. How sad it will be for the “christians” when they have their rights voted away by the rest of us. And by “christians” I specifically mean the people who use the bible and religion to push their hateful agenda, not the loving Christian people that actually listen to and follow the example that Christ himself set for us.

  101. Mike Barrett says:

    I’m sorry you were offended by Randy. When someone can make an offhand remark that indicates he thinks you’re less than human, it hurts. But think of all you might have done if you had calmly replied, “Randy, I think your mistaken. My girlfriend and I have a great family. We don’t want to ruin anything for anyone. Have a nice day.”

    No, you’re not likely to have changed Randy’s mind in that instance, but you might have encouraged his co-workers not to silently stand by the next time he spews.

    You don’t have to stand up to him to stand up for yourself.

  102. Mike Barrett says:

    I rue the day someone coined the phrase “civil union”. In a sane world couples would get “united”, and those who wanted to have a religious ceremony would also get married. The phrase “civil union” is so clumsy and obviously second class, it’s undermined an obvious cure for this problem: The secular government shouldn’t be basing rights and privileges on a religious status, and should stop using the word “married”

  103. Crystal Steen says:

    You’re a wonderful role model and person, your family is beautiful in that photo and I give you complete credit for staying reasonable in your letter when you have every reason to completely lose it in the face of such ignorance and bigotry. I’m hopeful that very soon our country’s laws will afford you the same courtesies as every other citizen and until then, just by virtue of the loving family that you are, you blast away evey one of the bigots’ arguments simply by your very existence! Stay strong, so many of us stand with you.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you, Crystal! <3

  104. Cloudy in Sunny CA says:

    You were way too kind. I’m not gay but totally support equal rights for all. I have a feeling I would have laid into him loudly, and reported him to his employer for having such a horrible employee who probably shouldn’t be sharing his opinion, no matter how misinformed, with customers…

    And your family is amazing. God bless you and yours.

  105. Cloudy in Sunny CA says:

    And, yes, I understand your daughter was with you . . . and how proud of you would she be that you defended her family against that pompous ass?

    • SlapDashMom says:

      My 5 year old did not hear the conversation, thankfully. I don’t do things to make my 5 year old proud… I do things to keep her safe, healthy, and happy. Avoiding heated homophobic conversations is on that list.

      • Heather says:

        I would bet that most of the people that are blasting you for not saying something to this guy in the moment, do not have kids.

        And even if they do, they are not you. And your child is not their child. I’m not saying confronting him is the right or wrong thing to do, but I do think a mother’s instinct and assessment of, what could be a sticky situation, is the right choice.

        • SlapDashMom says:

          That is my guess as well. Most mothers would NOT respond to a comment like this with their children present because they KNOW the “momma bear” could come out of them at ANY moment if the other person says something wrong. I’d rather my daughter see me handle myself with class and dignity.

  106. Bert says:

    Hello Sadie I am truly sorry you and your daughter had to go through that .
    Sometimes its better to get what you need and leave the store you never know what you will encounter.
    let me start by saying i am a married man have a wife and 5 girls raise them the best way we know how and can. We teach them tolerance of others and not to judge other people.
    I read your blog from a face book posting i received. I also read some of the replies and they seem all to agree with you or to be concerned
    Sadie In you blog I think you never once mentioned why you believed in gay marriage or why you would want to take a institution like marriage and redefine it Why was it so important to you to take a civil and religious union between a man a and a woman and turn it into something that has no meaning now . I saw your picture you have a beautiful family all of them I believe in your struggle for equal rights for gays it is none of my business who you sleep with or how you live your life. By your blog
    you seem to be a well rounded person and a good mother to your children and that’s what counts
    Don’t think bad of other people who disagree with you. We are not monsters or come from a different plant , We just have a difference of opinion We believe in the sanctity of marriage as strong as you believe in equal rights for you Open your mind find common ground be understanding that others may have a different view point and believe in it strongly As I said I saw your picture you have a beautiful FAMILY !!!!! and saying your married or not wont change that at all.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      You’re right, saying we are married won’t change that. But it will grant us thousands of rights we are denied now because we cannot get married. Thanks for stopping by. :)

      • Pat on what the rest of the world thinks.... says:

        Sir Elton John is legally married to another man, and is a father. He was knighted by the world leader of my church who is highly respected the world over. Before the queen mother’s status elevated to being married to the ruling king in the 1930’s, Her Highness was involved in rescuing gay men who were being persecuted in the UK. This business of judging what others choose to be right for themselves is a very *ignorant* practice only condoned by people who can’t think for themselves and who blame religion for their abusive fearful behavior. From what I have been seeing in the way of responses on this blog, those who want to hide behind religion to be judgemental can’t think for themselves enough to be changed by what we write here so trying to persuade them seems to be a waste of time.

        • Joyce says:

          Pat on what the rest of the world thinks – Wow! I did not know that about the queen. I’m loving her even more now!

          • Pat says:

            @Joyce, hopefully you picked up on the fact that it was the Queen MOTHER who was involved with a group rescuing gay men from jail, BEFORE she found out that her brother in law was abdicating and that her husband would be king. I have an article somewhere around, written by one of those men, including thanks for my grandmother who was also involved. In spite of the fact that the figurehead of the Church of England, (Anglican), can show respect for differences in belief systems, to the point of including Muslim leaders in her travels, we still get fanatical factions within that church where small local leaders insist that marriages aren’t appropriate – in spite of the queen knighting Elton John. I guess there will be closed minded phobics out there for a long time, as we are seeing in some answers here.

          • joyce says:

            Pat – thank you again for the info!

      • Bert says:

        More and more rights are being granted to gay people all the time
        So why is it so important to say your married if its only rights you want?
        You should be afforded all the rights married people have .
        and keep your civil unions Thanks for the reply

        • SlapDashMom says:

          I never said it was only rights I wanted. I want everyone to be equal. If I don’t get as many rights, why do I have to pay as many taxes? If you knew anything about civil unions you’d know that they are missing about 1,000 rights that marriages grant…

        • Pat says:

          “Bert says: More and more rights are being granted to gay people all the time
          So why is it so important to say your married if its only rights you want?”

          Gee Bert, why is it so important for YOU to say you are married to the person you have a lifetime commitment to, and can you please explain how and why you think Sadie’s situation is any different than yours? While you are claiming to understand what Sadie and her partner need, you are judging them in the next breath of your statements. They have exactly the same commitment to each other, financially, emotionally, etc., to what you have but you would deny them the same privileges because they are different to your situation? Just doesn’t compute for me.

          • Drew says:

            Did Bert just say “more and more rights are being granted every day to gays”????? Are you effing kidding me? If your narrow view of family is that of one man/one woman then that is your right, go get married, call her your wife, and get all of the priviliges that come along with that entitlement. You should also allow the rest of us to do the same, regardless of the sex of the person we are marrying. Period! There is no rational argument agianst allowing marriage equality, none. It’s all based on fear and religion, and religious points of view have no ruling in our country or over our constitution. I don’t choose to be gay, but I sure as heck do choose who I will MARRY and call my HUSBAND!

          • Bert says:

            I’m sorry you dont understand perhaps if you look at another point of view other than your own you will. For those who understand (and it’s the majority)no explanation is necessary and for those that dont no explanation will serf-ice If you had read my earlier post you would have read that families come in all situations You need not be married to have a family . And so you understand our constitution was based on religion

          • joyce says:

            Thank God for amendments!

    • joyce says:

      Bert, Bert, Bert,

      wow.

      Maybe you’d better go back and re-read what you wrote to Sadie in your post starting with “Hello Sadie I am truly sorry you and your daughter had to go through that . Sometimes its better to get what you need and leave the store you never know what you will encounter.” …

      Sorry for the sarcasm, but there’s just too many things wrong with your post. Ugh! It’s late, I’m not even going to start on it tonight. Maybe tomorrow…

      • SlapDashMom says:

        LOL I agree, Joyce… I agree!

  107. Whitni says:

    I think it was cowardly of you to not speak up. I am a straight woman, married to a man, with kids, and I have been fighting for GLBT rights since I was 15. I wouldn’t marry this gorgeous med student my Mom set me up with back in 1982, for the sole reason that he did not feel the same as I did when it came to gay rights, and I could and would never be with anyone who didn’t. That’s how important it is to me. One main problem I have seen over the years is people’s refusal and fear to speak up in situations such as yours. And yes, in case anyone is going to jump down my throat and bring up how hard it is and how scary it can be to be open about it, I spent 12 years working with suicidal gay youth. I AM AWARE. That is why, when you are someone who is openly living in a gay relationship or is openly gay, you should never let someone like Randy get away with that crap. Your silence, you can bet, to his ignorant ears, was agreement. I’ve heard it said and I myself have said a million times, that the best thing that would help the GLBT community is if every single GLBT individual came out. Since that will never happen, I feel that those that do feel strong and brave enough to handle people like Randy owe it to those still locked in their closets. It’s too bad you didn’t. I just hope your children weren’t with you. They need to be taught to be proud of their family, and I think you sent just the opposite message. I’m sure you are proud of your family, but to me, that means standing up for yourselves, and in that aspect, I think you handled this situation completely wrong.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      I think it was anything but cowardly, and I think I handled it the best way I could with my child present, but we are all entitled to our own opinions.

    • Heather says:

      Whitni,
      Cowardly is a very strong adjective to throw around.

      Plus, it’s helpful to actually READ THE PIECE before you write a comment. Her young daughter WAS with her, and her daughter did not hear what the man said. I’m sure if she had, and if she was old enough to understand the hateful words, then Sadie would have had a completely different situation on her hands and would have confronted him on the issue.

      On a positive note, I applaud your enthusiasm on this issue, and I appreciate the work you have done. I’m sure working with those kids was heartbreaking and would explain why you used such harsh words to describe Sadie’s actions.

      • Whitni says:

        You are right about one thing…I did not read correctly that her daughter was present, but in my opinion that even makes me feel stronger about how differently she should have handled it. I’m not saying she should have acted disrespectful, raised her voice or behaved in an embarrassing manner in any way whatsoever. She should have spoken up to him though. It doesn’t matter that her daughter hadn’t heard the conversation. This would have been the perfect opportunity to be a role model and show that you will not quietly sit by while someone puts down your family and their values. Not only would I have handled Randy differently, but I would have then gone to the manager and spoken to him/her as well. Courage is doing the right thing in the face of opposition. Stand up for yourself and your family! Be an example for your daughter. Silence is simply teaching her to take that crap from people and to remain quiet and submissive in the face of bigotry.

        • SlapDashMom says:

          I took it as an opportunity to be a role model and walk away. It takes COURAGE to walk away. If I was SILENT, thousands of people would not have seen this post because it would not exist.

          • Whitni says:

            I completely disagree with you. It takes absolutely ZERO courage to walk away. Walking away from bigots and others like Randy has been done for centuries…people walked away while the Jews were led to the concentration camps, people walked away while African Americans were tormented or even attacked and killed, people have always walked away. It’s only when people stand up that any change occurs.
            “Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles;
            Cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances.
            Courage breeds creativity; Cowardice represses fear and is mastered by it.
            Cowardice asks the question, is it safe?
            Expediency ask the question, is it politic?
            Vanity asks the question, is it popular?

            But conscience ask the question, is it right? And there comes a time when we must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because it is right.”
            ― Martin Luther King Jr.
            Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of the colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. Each time a person stands up for an idea, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, (s)he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
            – Robert F. Kennedy
            Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.
            – Haile Selassie
            I swore never to be silent whenever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.
            – Elie Weisel
            For the last 6 years I have worked 5 hours a day within the public school system, at a high school. Kids, especially the gay teens (closeted or not), are constantly bullied, and people, including staff members, walk away. They turn their backs and walk away. The kids I counsel, when they are telling me about their experiences of prejudice against them, the one thing I always hear is about how people walked away. In the school I work I have been the sole staff member to go to the principal’s office and complain and report on the apathy I had witnessed from the vice principals and even from the principal himself. Do I now have the reputation in their eyes of being a pain in the ass? Absolutely!! Do I care? Absolutely!! I’m thrilled! You know why?? Because I cannot count the number of times one of those students who had to listen to gay slurs, or hear the word ‘fag’ being thrown around, has come up to me, some with tears in their eyes, and thanked me for standing up to that crap. Walking away is NEVER courageous.

          • SlapDashMom says:

            You can quote people all day long but anyone who has been in a potentially heated situation with their child – where they WANTED so badly to say something but KNEW it was not the right time or place – they know it takes a LOT of courage and strength to walk away. And just as much to put their story out there for the world to read and offer their unsolicited opinions on. To say “walking away is NEVER courageous” is not only a bold and incorrect statement, it tells me that you have very limited life experiences. Working with gay teens doesn’t MAKE you gay, and it doesn’t give you a free pass to be rude.

        • Heather says:

          WHITNI:
          SO, you are saying that if any bigot in the vicinity of Sadie and her young children says or does anything homophobic, that Sadie should confront that person, even if her children are happy and blissfully unaware that anything even happened??? And, that you think that is necessary for her to do this to set a good example for her child and completely cowardly if she does not??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? Do you know why parents spend so much time worrying about “age appropriate” lessons and education for our kids, from the toys we pick out to the conversations we have with them??? BECAUSE EXPOSING A 5 YEAR OLD TO EVERY PEICE OF HATRED DIRECTED TOWARD HER AND HER FAMILY, WHEN SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW OR UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS, WILL DO NOTHING TO MAKE HER COPE BETTER WITH IT LATER. IT WILL ONLY MAKE HER FEARFUL AND INSECURE. NOW, if she was a highschooler, as the kids that you work with are, and very aware and capable of understanding the hate directed towards her, than that would be different TOTALLY DIFFERENT. (Hence the term, “AGE- APPROPRIATE”)

          Since you deem youself worthy to lay down such harsh judgement on Sadie, I will judge you:
          I can see why you have a professional reputation for being a pain in the ass. But I don’t think it’s because you are a loud Mother Teresa for gay teens, as you claim to be, I would bet it’s because you only see things in black and white and it makes you ignorant, narrow-minded, and likely very unsuccessfull in the big picture and long term help with these kids.

          • Whitni says:

            HEATHER and BILL MULLIGAN–Read what she originally wrote. We are not talking about some violent bigot who was being physically threatening. According to her, Randy was a mild mannered, polite young man with bigoted ideas. I did not tell her to scream at him, hit him, cause a scene, or even raise her voice. I told her I did not agree with her simply walking away without speaking up to him, and that I think she should have also reported him to the manager. To the average person, silence=agreement. All of this could have been done without causing any harm or negative influence on her daughter if handled correctly. And by the way, I do not have a ‘reputation’ of being a pain in the ass at all, except to the vice principals and principal where I work. I would gladly stand up to them again too. I have watched the kids in the cafeteria scream the most horrible and threateningly violent things at the gay kids, even going so far as to tell them to “go home and kill yourself”, and have seen the staff do NOTHING, because most of the kids throwing the threats around were their beloved jocks! (Our school is known for its football team). The staff is no longer allowed to handle those situations in the same way, action was taken, and it DID make a difference. I also do realize that nothing is black and white, and teach this to the kids I counsel all of the time as well. As for your saying that I am “likely very unsuccessful in the big picture and long term help with these kids”– I’ve spent 17 years in the psych field helping these kids, have received numerous forms of recognition for my work, have helped organize the pride parades in 3 different countries, have started the first gay-straight alliance support groups at 2 different high schools, and on a very regular basis have past clients come up to me or write to me telling me what a difference I made in their lives, or in some cases, while working the suicide hot line, actually stopped them from killing themselves. I could go on and on, but I have yet another gay teen staying with us right now whose family kicked him out, and he needs my attention right now more than you. I do not see myself as a Mother Teresa for gay youth. Most of my current co-workers don’t even know about everything I’ve done or still do, because I do not go around bragging about it. The only reason I even mention it here is because you are talking to someone who has dedicated her life to helping the GLBT community, and has been present at too many funerals of kids who were being bullied. Thank you for your replies. I find it very useful to print and use these conversations in our group meetings. I still stand by what I said before…I completely disagree with the way she handled this situation, and if everyone “walked away” no progress would ever be made.

          • Hailey Stuckart says:

            @Whitni

            One of the things continued life experiences teaches a person is that there are times and places when saying something is NOT the best course of action. Whether the potential for it to get heated exists or not. In addition, body language and reactions speak loudly, so while she may have been *silent* and non confrontational, my bet is that the other employee at the very least sensed the tension and was smart enough to at least figure out she didn’t agree…..And even if not, sometimes it’s okay to let it go….let it be…and carry on our days…and blog about it later ;)

            Because we learn not only how situations can go, but how we as an individual {and mother} are as well. There are a million ways she could have approached the situation at the time without it getting heated, but maybe she felt like in that moment, for that situation, it was not the best path to take? There is nothing cowardly about following one’s instincts and intuition….it is not bravery to confront EVERY situation in life that is against how you believe. Sometimes, bravery and courage….and confidence….is in the walking away.

            Had her daughter heard what was happening, she could than have opened the door for discussion in the vehicle on the way home. But even still what an amazing lesson to being teaching her now – even simply by actions – that not every circumstance requires confrontation.

            My bet is Randy would be more *teachable* out of the moment….perhaps writing HIM a letter {and leaving management out of it} is the answer….you have time to organize and think our your thoughts and issues with what he said, without cause for conflict.

            :)

    • Bill Mulligan says:

      Whitni, it’s kind of astonishing that you feel confident enough in your understanding of the situation to call her cowardly when it is obvious you did not read what she wrote with anything approaching the level of comprehension needed to make that judgment. She clearly wrote “My 5 year old was with me. Luckily she was distracted with her baby doll, but if she had heard you… she would have been upset.” but somehow that escaped the eye of Detective Whitni.

      Your work with youth is commendable but that does not give you permission to behave boorishly.

    • I think I would have stayed quiet with my child there too to be honest. If he knew Sadie was a lesbian and that her daughter was the child of a lesbian, he may have gone after her daughter during the argument that I’m sure would have followed. I think it’s important that the children of the GLBT community be introduced into the idea that they have a “different” family in a better manner at an appropriate age, not through hearing someone angry about it and arguing with their mom.
      Determined Momma recently posted..BeautiControl GiveawayMy Profile

    • Melody says:

      I think it’s important for you to learn to read, Whitni. It’s NEVER cowardly to walk away while your 5 year old is with you even when your heart and mind is telling you to tell a bigot off. She was playing with her DOLL and paying no mind to this idiot, however, if Sadie HAD told him off, she would have been ALL EARS, and probably bawling her eyes out because of the confrontation. Randy would have been yelling, Sadie would have been yelling, it would have been UGLY. No 5 year old should have to see that EVER. I don’t care who you are, or what cause you’ve been behind for the last umpteen million years, it’s just something that you do NOT do. I also think that your judging attitude is ugly. But again, that’s my personal opinion. I think you need to remember that not everyone is going to jump on the “kill the bigot with words” train, anytime soon. He was also at WORK. She chose not to call attention to that fact, or to even call the company because she’s hoping he sees this at some point. He has children at home and Sadie doesn’t want him to lose his job. Something that there are some people who are very proud of her for doing. Not every asshole needs to be thrown under the bus, and maybe, when she visits Home Depot by herself, she’ll talk to him again, and do what you’re asking her to do, but NEVER with her kids….
      Melody recently posted..Enter to WIN an AMAZING $175 of BeautiControlMy Profile

    • Joyce says:

      Whitni – Sadie is a mom first, an activist after.

      It is important to stand up for rights when your children are around so they can stand up for themselves. But it also depends on the age of the children. If Sadie had been returning an item that had never been opened and the store was telling her they wouldn’t take it back, THAT would be a good example for younger children.

      If Sadie had said anything to Randy and it effected her child people would be writing how she shouldn’t of said anything.

  108. Tina says:

    I wish you would forward this to the Home Depot management where you live. I’m in a hurry, haven’t read all the comments. Maybe someone else is prompting you to do the same thing. Sorry to be repetitive if they are. I just think that with Home Depot’s long-time support of partner benefits, etc., management wouldn’t tolerate that kind of insulting behavior out of an employee toward a customer. They NEED to KNOW.

  109. TKnTexaas says:

    Sadie, a lot of great posts here. My nickel’s-worth: I agree with Kevin (not surprising since I am 58. I have never been personally subjected to the homophobes, except behind my back from family. But for all things I am out-spoken.

    Since you probably want to return to that Home Depot, I would suggest a call to find out the name of that store’s general manager–making an appointment for a visit. In a person private meeting, share the experience with the GM. Randy’s views on gays is contrary to Home Depot’s. His views are not relevant to performing exceptional customer service to all. Let the manager know that this time a sale wasn’t lost. You could have left not having made a purchase. Aside from Randy sharing his homophobic views he provided good service. Share all of that with the store manager.

    My personal philosophy is when I have great service I share right then with the manager. When I have really bad service (and I want to return) I share right then with the manager. And I don’t bother sharing when I don’t plan to return.

    And lastly, I was busted by ABC’s “What Would You Do?” when a homophobic waitress railed about the gay family dining. I bit my tongue until she addressed the children of the couple. And then I lost it and gave it to her. After I was embarrassed at my own outburst. But the only thing I would do differently is next time is to better control my temper. I realize for this time I had my buttons pushed by an actress, still I need better control. But the word must be spread.

    As a suggestion for your next time, if all played the same, I would say “thank you for your help. I have the supplies that my wife and I need to get our kids’ fort built.’ Saying it in the polite tone you exercised. and then just leaving Randy standing there (with egg on his face).

  110. Gerard Deveau says:

    Dear old Randy and a lot more people needs to wake-up ans smell the coffee!

    http://gerarded.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/same-sex-relationships-marriages/

    http://gerarded.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/christianty/

    Cheers :>)

  111. Steve Craddock says:

    Sadie,
    Here is a topic I’d love to see you blog about – and maybe even create something of a trend.

    Why do gays and lesbians who are in lifetime commited relationships refer to their mates as partners or boyfriends or girlfriends? Each of those terms seems so – well, unfitting. Partner sounds totally impersonal and boy/girlfriend sounds teeny-bopperish and temporary. I can understand not wanting to use a double “husband” or “wife” term – that’s sto;; a little confusing, at least for some folks.

    I think a perfectly good term for gays and lesbians to use when speaking of their “better half” is this: Spouse. For example, what do you think sounds better:
    My girlfriend and I took our kids to Home Depot to buy materials for their tree house.
    or
    My spouse and I took our kids to Home Depot to buy materials for their tree house.

    To me, the second sounds much better. What do you think?

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Spouse sounds great but it implies that we are married, which unfortunately is not possible in our state. :( I do say partner, sometimes, because it seems that it makes people LESS uncomfortable. I don’t mind using girlfriend, partner, wife, better half… but if I said wife or spouse I feel that people would then ask when we got married and it would be a big conversation about how we will get married.. when we can. Ya know?

    • Joyce says:

      Steve Craddock – My female gay cousin is married and they refer to each other as ‘wife’. My son will be getting married and they will refer to each other as ‘husband’.

  112. Whitni, you quoted Dr. Martin Luther King Jr in reference to courage. Dr. King would also agree that it is often courageous to walk away from a potentially harmful situation when children are involved. There were many days when my parents were involved in black v white riots in our community, when white people would come by the dark of night to terrorize our neighborhood. To keep us safe during the day, when white men would drive down our streets in their cars jeering and leering at the teenage girls and little girl children, our parents would not allow us to play outside alone. They would not aggressively challenge these men because the scene that would be invoked would be detrimental to the children. When nightfall came, the children and some of the women would be escorted from the neighborhood to safer places – us to our grandmothers house. The men and some of the women would stay behind to protect our homes and our neighborhood, which was self sufficient.

    Sometimes the best thing to do IS to walk away.
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  113. Well anyone that knows Sadie, knows she believes in herself; and is not one to back down or cower when it comes to her life. BUT also those of us that know Sadie know that her children come first. The world is cruel and to subject her daughter (a 5 year old no less) to the remarks Randy could have made or the reaction he could have given, would have not been in her child’s best interest. Sadie took the high road, for her child. Sadie was not thinking about herself and when it comes to being a Mommy- lesbian or not, I would hope we would all protect our innocent children from things they shouldn’t have to worry about; or be concerned with. Sometimes it can’t be helped; but when it can, it is best! I applaud Sadie for her containment in this situation. I am not quite sure why people are so quick to judge and pass judgment in situations such as this. Sadie I feel you handled the situation and yourself not only as a wonderful parent; but as a wonderful human being!
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  114. Bill Myers says:

    Hi, Sadie. I discovered your blog via a Facebook post from the “One Million Human Beings Against One Million Moms” Facebook page that I “liked.” If you don’t mind, I’ll start by sharing what I wrote there:

    “Not being gay myself, it’s hard to put myself in this woman’s shoes and imagine how I’d respond to something like this. My first instinct was to wonder why she didn’t complain to the store manager or someone even higher up the chain. Upon further thought, however, I began to question that instinct. I mean, let’s say she complained and the employee was disciplined. At best, that would teach him to keep his mouth shut, but his heart would remained hardened against gays — or would become even more hardened. On the other hand, she could have gently confronted him in hopes of possibly opening his mind just a crack. When you only have a few minutes, though, it’s pretty hard to change views that someone had had a lifetime to form and live with.

    “My best guess is that when faced with that kind of societal oppression, first and foremost one needs to perservere and have hope. I can attest to the fact that some people can be persuaded to change their minds and cast away their prejudices. I am a case in point. When I was younger I was very prejudiced towards gays. I thought they were perverts, and thought nothing of disparaging them. It wasn’t until a series of experiences I had in college, culminating with a friend’s realization that he was bisexual, that I liberated myself from my prejudices.

    “If anyone I know who is part of the LBGT community is reading this, trust me: I know it is asking a lot of you to spend time and effort trying to convince people to respect your most basic human rights! After all, I am sure there are things you would rather be doing, such as simply living and enjoying your life. On the other hand, for what it is worth: those of you are making the effort are not doing so in vain. You are creating a better world. I am certainly grateful for the gay people I have known who were patient with me, and helped me see how I could become a better person. I know I caused some people some pain along the way, and I really regret that. I can only hope that what I do going forward will make up for those sins in some small way.

    “For what it’s worth, those are my thoughts.”

    I hadn’t been back here until my good friend, Bill Mulligan (who also posted in your blog) asked me if I had been keeping up with the comments (which I hadn’t been)? He mentioned that in addition to well-wishers and supporters were some sanctimonious types condemning gay marriage, and busybodies who know better than you how you should have handled the situation. How sad I am to see he is correct (both sad because I wish people wouldn’t subject you to this sort of thing, but also because I hate it when he is right about anything. Because now he’ll just be insufferable. But that’s not the point. What was I talking about, again? Oh, yes…)

    To those who oppose gay marriage, I can only say: I once thought like you did (not about gay marriage specifically, as that wasn’t in the headlines back before I learned to accept homosexuality as just another way for people to be, but about gays in general). I know the rationalizations, the lies-accepted-as-facts, the paralogisms, and the nonsensical justifications. I know them because I used them or people around me did while I nodded like one of those bobble-head thingies. You can’t come up with something I haven’t said or heard. I can only say I would urge you to stop uncritically accepting these hateful “ideas” presented to you by your parents, religous leaders, or whomever. If I can’t convince you to do it because it’s better to love others than to hate them, how about doing it for yourself? I was much happier when I cast off the yoke of prejudice. The universe is surprisingly nice like that — so often doing what’s right for others is good for yourself.

    As for those who seem to know how Sadie should have handled this, I think Sadie can be trusted to keep her own counsel about how best to respond to things like this, OK? I think one of the things that must be the most frustrating about being part of a marginalized group is that every-freakin’-body thinks they know better than you what you should be doing. Sadie is not a lesbian who happens to be an individual. She’s an individual who happens to be a lesbian. She has every right to follow her own instincts about how to respond to such situations.

    I wish we didn’t have to have this conversation at all, by the way. It would be nice if saying “I’m a lesbian” were like saying “I have brown hair” — nothing to be hidden, but not particularly noteworthy, either. Until that day, I hope, Sadie, you can keep the faith. Slowly but steadily I think things are turning in your favor.

    I do have to express my moral disapproval of your vegetarianism, though. I mean, what are you, some kind of monster???

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Wow, awesome response! I don’t even know what to say. I love how you write… very inspirational… and I am amazed that you used to think that way but have opened your mind and have changed! It’s just, very inspiring. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, I appreciate it.

      • Bill Myers says:

        Sadie, I appreciate your kind words, but “inspiring?” Dunno if I’ve earned that. For one thing, if there’s such a thing as karma, I think I have a lot of catching up to do.

        BTW, one epiphany I recently had is that it’s best for those of us heterosexuals who have come to accept homosexuals as fellow human beings not to act like we’re doing the LGBT world a favor or anything (yeah — I’m looking at YOU, Whitni!). For the longest time I was so very proud of myself for being “Mister Acceptance.” A few weeks ago, though, I read an opinion piece in The Atlantic by Ta Nehisi-Coates (an excellent writer and thinker, by the way, and well-worth reading) that discussed his own journey toward acceptance. He was grateful for the gay people who helped open his mind, rather than expecting them to be grateful to him. After reading that, I realized that I don’t deserve any pats on the back or high fives simply because I’ve learned to see past someone’s sexuality and to recognize their unique individuality and humanity. I mean, for Christ’s sake, that’s the bear MINIMUM any of us should be doing for each other! Expecting accolades for that is like expecting someone to say, “Gee, Bill, you haven’t murdered anyone today. GREAT JOB!”

        Why we as human beings have to make this stuff so complicated remains a great mystery to me. We slap a label on someone: gay/lesbian/bisexual/transsexual, black, asian, jew, arab, or whatever, and all we can see is the label. Even those of us with good intentions (and I do like to think I have good intentions) can often make the mistake of seeing the label first and the person second. I know I’ve been guilty of meeting a gay person and without meaning to trying to act like I just LOVED that person even though I didn’t know him or her. Like somehow I’d prove just how wonderfully “tolerant” I was that way. That’s really not much better than hating someone just because they’re gay. You’re still just seeing the label rather than the person.

        I’ve met some wonderful gay people in my life, and I’m grateful for that. I’ve also known some gay people who, in retrospect, are people I should have avoided. I’ve yet to find a group of people who are all good or all bad. People are people, no matter what “group” they can be lumped into. Some are great, some are not. Sexuality doesn’t determine someone’s moral character, any more than race, gender, or any of the other ways we’ve come up with to classify each other.

        Jesus, I do tend to go on, don’t I? Sadie, thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I think it’s important for those of us who don’t have to put up with this shit on a daily basis to be aware that for some people, it’s a part of their reality. Ultimately, we’re all in this together. If we allow society to trample on some people’s rights, then no one’s rights are truly safe. I want to be the kind of person who stands up for the rights of others. Not because I see myself as a hero swooping down to save you all, but because I’d like to know that other people will stand up for my rights should it become necessary.

        I try not to wish for things that just aren’t real, and wishing that we didn’t have to talk about this won’t make it go away. But I do want to say that I’m sorry we’re talking more about these issues and not as much about what a beautiful family you have. I’ve made the decision not to have a family myself, but I have a niece and nephew that I just adore. Have fun watching the kids grow up, because soon they will become teenagers and they won’t be human again until they’re 25! I kid, I kid (well, only somewhat — I was horrible as a teenager)! I hope your shopping trips in the future aren’t marred by mouthy employees who should be helping you rather than sharing their crackpot political views. Since my girlfriend and I bought a house in 2009, I’ve come to rely on Lowes and Home Depot as my lifelines. In fact, I may have to soon replace an old toilet (and I am NOT handy around the house).

        Ironically, I’ve been a supporter of gay marriage (and am happy that New York State, where I live, did the right thing and passed a marriage equality law) but my girlfriend and I have no intention of getting married. If my gay friends want to get married, God bless ‘em. Me, I’m going nowhere near that institution. To each his/her own, I guess.

        Sorry for taking up so much real estate here. I swear, I am (probably) done. :)

    • Bill Mulligan says:

      He’s absolutely correct. I shall now do the “I was right” dance.

    • Jenn says:

      I wish we didn’t have to have this conversation at all, by the way. It would be nice if saying “I’m a lesbian” were like saying “I have brown hair” — nothing to be hidden, but not particularly noteworthy, either.

      I could not have said this better myself. This is exactly how I feel. I can’t wait for the day that it won’t be a big deal who is attracted to who. Unfortunately we won’t be here to see it.
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  115. Shells says:

    Hello Sadie,

    Why does a man’s penis fit so well into a woman’s hole if it wasn’t the right way of things? Why did God destroy Sodom and Gomorrah? I’m sure you knew why since you were a Sunday School Teacher. What changed then? Your decision to be gay was it because you always felt an urge towards women or did something trigger that? Has it ever dawned on you that you being a Sunday School Teacher would have impacted many lives and that Satan found a way to put you in a different path by your lifestyle? Suppose you die today and woke up to the harsh reality that there is indeed a Heaven and a Hell and you’re heading for the latter because you chose to disregard what God’s Word said? Don’t you think that it might be possible that if you are wrong that you would be tormented for an eternity?

    I don’t condone Randy’s comment either because it is not based on truth. However, I am concerned for your soul Sadie and those of many others reading this who believe that they are right. At the end of it all we will all one day find out the truth and be quite shocked to know that it isn’t what we were led to believe. Sadie it is never too late. Return to Jesus and ask Him into your heart and let Him show you what is the truth. He loves you dearly and wants you to know His Father. Please do so before it is too late for tomorrow does not belong to you.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Shells, I don’t know that your “god” would like your perversion…. the filth coming from your mouth is NOT christian like, at all, and I have no desire to entertain it. If there are people like YOU in heaven, I want a seat in HELL.

    • Melody says:

      I love how you’re touting God’s words to Sadie, and yet, you’re full of condemnation. I’m not a practicing Christian, but I still believe that God exists. I also know that we were never placed on this earth to cast judgements, I believe that it may say something about that somewhere….You know “Judge not, lest ye be judged” I think I remember hearing that somewhere, no? So, why are you placing yourself in the position to be the judge and jury in the way that people live their lives? Did God give you the almighty power to do so, or do you just like to flap your gums (or in this case fingers)?? People like you make me SICK, and are also the reason that I no longer attend church.
      Why does a penis fit into a woman’s “hole?” Well, for the same reason that a penis also fits into another man’s “hole.” It just works. Penises also fit well into a woman’s other “hole” as well. See? I can be as perverse as you, but I refuse to use that perversion to make someone feel bad about the person that they love.
      I hope that someday God taps you on the shoulder and leads you into the right direction, because the way I see it, if Sadie is on her way to hell, you’re not very far behind. Now step out of here and mind your business!
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    • Shells why do Christians always say “did you ever stop to think you may be wrong?” Did you? What if there is nothing else? Ashes to Ashes – Dust to Dust.

      It’s not your God that people have a problem with….it’s his goddamned fan club.
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    • Sha says:

      A woman has more than one “hole” for a penis Shells… which do you speak of? Mouth, Anus or Vagina? And I disagree too – not all penises “fit so well” into a woman’s hole. Some are too small, some are too big… hell some are crooked! <—- ouch!
      Sha recently posted..Website Services for the Work at Home MomMy Profile

      • SlapDashMom says:

        Ah, woman’s hole… you’re correct that there’s more than one. The men have the same hole, minus one. I’m not sure what Shells was thinking with that comment. lmfao @ crooked penis. I love you Sha.

    • Jill M says:

      EWWWW! I can’t decide which part ofy our comment is grosser: The first sentence, or the rest of your words that are masked as being friendly but are really just bigoted.

    • Kelly says:

      Oh for crying out loud. Aman’s penis and a woman’s hole? Do you mean her VAGINA?
      And personally, I believe Sadie already is in hell so to speak, with you YOU PEOPLE condemn her lifestyle.
      CARRY ON….

    • God says:

      Shells, you are a fucking idiot. I created man and women and Sadie here was obviously born a lesbian – it wasn’t a choice but even if it was it was the best choice for her. Since I’m God and I see everything, I’d say other things fit in the holes pretty well too, and it’s not up to YOU to say otherwise. HELLO ANAL SEX!

    • Tiffany Revels-Cruz says:

      Seriously, a women’s “hole”. Shells, you’re a women right? Why can’t you even say what it really is? It’s a VAGINA and with that being said it’s totally up to me and Sadie for that matter to decided what we want put in there and by who. I don’t think anyone chooses to be gay, people are born gay. Yup, imagine that, God creates some people that way.

    • Frankly, I get really sick and tired of people using the word of “God” to judge and brow beat others. I think somewhere in that book they call the Bible it says something about not judging others, plus since you were the one that went all crude, if you must know there are some people that don’t fit in the “hole” as you so crassy call it. Some are too big, some are too small. Some know not what to do with it. So are you saying that these men are being smited by God for their lack of compatability with their mates “hole”? I didn’t know “God” was that mean. Get over yourself my dear!
      Ashley S recently posted..Inspirational Quotes : Overcoming hard times!My Profile

    • Drew says:

      “Suppose you die today and woke up to the harsh reality that there is indeed a Heaven and a Hell and you’re heading for the latter because you chose to disregard what God’s Word said?”

      I think Shells, that you should be reading what you write, and taking it to heart. From your comments it is obvious that you know absolutely nothing about homosexuality and are basing your very narrow uninformed OPINION on your own ideas, not reality or biblical truth. Homosexuality is not a choice, nor is it a lifestyle. The bible does not address homosexuality or homosexual relationships, and the 6 verses that address homosexual sex (compared to the over 600 that address heterosexual sexual deviency) can be interpreted in many different ways, most of which have to do with rape, prostitution or codes of conduct for priests.

      You point out Soddom & Ghommorah, but you obviously have very little actual biblical knowledge if you use that as your example because they were destroyed for being inhospitable and greedy (much like our modern day Republican party). They didn’t want to have gay sex with the angels, they wanted to RAPE them to show them who was boss! That is not homosexuality! It is not even heterosexuality. Rape is about power, not sex. I am mind-boggled at how many people still use those passages against gays, it’s actually pretty humorous and shows a sever lack of intellect or even common sense on your part.

      In the end Shells we will all answer for our “sins”. The question is, will you be heralded in heaven for showing people the love that is God, and the sacrifice that is Jesus? Or will be you shamed for turning people off of Him with your small-minded judgement?

      Evil comes in all forms, the most destructive of which passes itself off as good.

      • Heather says:

        Damn Drew….your comment was Da Bomb!!!!
        Wish everyone in the world could read what you wrote.

        It’s terrifying to me how people interpret the Bible to feed the need they have to condemn what they are afraid of…whether they’re afraid because it’s something so different from themselves, or they’re afraid because it’s something they see in themselves that they are trying to bury.

        • Drew says:

          Thank you Heather! I think the world is changing, and we are growing more and more tolerant of each others differences. It will take more time, and a lot more of the kind of ignorance that is spewed out from the “christian” right, but we will eventually get there. We will all be equal to each other one day, just the way God sees us.

      • ithinktoomuch says:

        “Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” Ezekiel 16:49

    • Joyce says:

      Shells – God created everyone, God loves everyone, God tells us not to judge others.

    • Tara says:

      Shells,
      As a Christian, I’m sick and tired of Christians hiding behind their faith. My God created EVERYONE in his own image. I don’t think that Jesus would hate anyone. If you are so worried about someone’s soul, perhaps you should pray for them. Perhaps you should also pray to be more God Like, and love others as Jesus would. It is not anyone’s job to judge, but God’s. END OF DISCUSSION.
      Sincerely,
      A GOOD Christian woman

      • Joyce says:

        Tara – Thank You!! I completely agree with you and have said the same about God creating all of us, loving all of us, and He is the only one that gets to judge us. Also, God tells us to ‘hate the sin, love the sinner’, but sadly Christians translate it as ‘hate the sin, love the sinner, just exclude them from anything we don’t want them to be involved in’.

        • Tara says:

          Joyce,
          I am glad to see you appreciated my response. I have grown up in the bible belt. I have lost a loved one to bullying over sexual orientation. There’s too much evil in the world and, sadly, a lot of it comes from faith. It’s ironic, but a lot of Christians chastise other religions for acts of hatred performed due to their religious beliefs, yet continue to do them every day.
          I believe in Jesus, as the son of God, and I believe that if Jesus were to return to Earth today he would embrace all GOOD people, regardless of their sexual orientation. There’s so much war, hate, murder, etc in the world today. I think that loving one another, being respectful, being helpful, and doing good deeds is what is more important in these days.
          Plus, if you’re not willing to evolve as a human, then get ready to sell your daughter off for a cow to who YOU choose, not who she chooses. And let’s get all the stones together and have a good ol’ time at the next stoning. Times have changed, people, and you must evolve as a human or be a neanderthal, your choice.
          Sadie, you are a much better person than me. You are an inspiration and what we should strive to be. I would not have handled the situation as well as you did, and he wasn’t insulting my lifestyle. Your children are lucky to have such a positive role model.
          Tara

        • ithinktoomuch says:

          Actually, “love the sinner, hate the sin” is a Gandhi quote. Almost no Christians know that. Also, it is almost exclusively used by Christians against LGBT’s, and nowhere else in life. I’ve heard it used once or twice about alcoholism, but that’s pretty much it. The other 99+% is all LGBT-related. There is a bible quote that Christians occasionally reference to say, “See? It DOES say that in the Bible!”, but it’s a pretty bad paraphrase of the Gandhi quote that Christians are so addicted to. It’s pretty funny, actually, that they’re quoting a Hindu while thinking they are being so, so Christian.

          • Joyce says:

            ithinktoomuch – I’m so glad you told me that! I researched it on the internet after I read your post. Funny, a pastor’s daughter said that to me one day because one of my son’s is gay and I’m pretty sure she started with “Well, God says to …”

          • ithinktoomuch says:

            In other words, she inadvertently said Gandhi=God! ROFL!

            “love the sinner, hate the sin” conflicts with Christian doctrine. God DOES hate sinners. Take a read:

            Proverbs 6:16-19
            16 There are six things the Lord hates,
            seven that are detestable to him:
            17 haughty eyes,
            a lying tongue,
            hands that shed innocent blood,
            18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
            feet that are quick to rush into evil,
            19 a false witness who pours out lies
            and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

            God hates “a false witness who pours out lies / and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”, according to this passage of the Bible. Sounds to me a lot like your preacher’s daughter!

          • SlapDashMom says:

            Hmm if god hates sinners he hates everyone…

    • Pat S says:

      I made it this far without replying or commenting but when I got to Shells comment all I could think was OMG! and truthfully everything else was a blur! As wonderful a book is the Bible, I am tired of it being taken out of context and used as a means of justifying someones evil intent.

      Genesis NIV 19: 4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom —both young and old—surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

      This was to be an act of violence…the act of a gang rape… NOTHING TO DO WITH GAYS!! are you kidding me??

      My God and the Jesus I know is love and nothing less.

      I will pray for Shells soul and for her own awaking.

    • I’m not a Christian and therefore have no problem telling you, Shells, to go fuck yourself. With whatever will fit in that gaping hole of yours. Because obviously you have a big hole to fill if you can spout that kind of shit and actually believe it.

      Your logic is ridiculous. The penis of another mammal would also fit into a human vagina – Is that God’s design as well? We are people, not puzzle pieces.

      Sadie, I didn’t even realize you were a lesbian. I just knew you were a mom who posts interesting things on Facebook. :) The fact that Randy could talk to you and like you despite disliking you *in theory* says a lot. It says it all, really.

      The fact that he would talk that way in front of your child, even if you weren’t a gay family yourself, makes me want to throw fists! How dare he.
      Janine (Alternative Housewife) recently posted..Why are people blaming the parents?My Profile

      • Tara says:

        This just made my day!
        I resisted all of my urges to basically tell her what you did in your first line of your comment. Beliver/non believer, it doesn’t much matter IMHO. I think that we should ALL learn to be more tolerable of other people’s beliefs and feelings. You don’t have to approve of what happens in another’s bedroom, just love one another.

  116. Pat says:

    Is there any way to stop further posts from coming to my email address or do I have to direct your messages to my trash box? These posts are now coming from fanatics and self absorbed nut cases and I have no interest in reading what they say.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      I think there is a box, maybe, to unsubscribe. I will look and see if I can unsub you on my side. Sorry!

    • Joyce says:

      At the bottom of the email is says: Want less email? Modify your Subscription Options. “Subscription Options” is highlighted to click on.

  117. sickenedbyignorance says:

    to shells,
    I have to say you have to be one of the most ignorant people ever. first of all whether someone is gay or not is not a choice. if it were do you really think that so many people would choose a lifestyle that they have to be constantly persecuted for?? Constantly forced to feel inferior because of closed minded bible thumping ignorant imbeciles as yourself?? There are so many people in this day and age that are turning to suicide because of the close minded and bible brain washed idiots like you and I am going to guess your children, because Im sure you force your children to breath the same pile of crap that you insist on spewing here, rather than trying to raise open minded and well rounded children to help this world and this society rather than bringing it down.
    secondly, just because someone is gay does not mean that they dont believe in god. its amazing how many idiots insist on playing the religion card just because some one is gay. Let me ask you, do you cut your hair? because that is forbidden also in the bible (lev 19:27) were you a virgin when you when you were married? do you talk to other people when you have your period? because according to lev15 19-24 nobody should be allowed contact you while you have your menstrual uncleanliness do you wear clothes made of multiple fabrics? I bet you do you know what you wont be getting into heaven either because according to lev it is forbidden to do so.. im hoping you have perfect sight, because lev 20:21 which says those with imperfect sight may not approach the alter of god. I truly hope that for your soul your eyes dont give out in old age.
    should we be persecuting all of those people who cut their hair, or wear glasses? Or perhaps all the football players?? because it is also unclean to touch the skin of a dead pig according to lev 11:6-8. its funny because if i remember correctly a lot of the players all pray before games. I guess its just for nothing then, but i wouldn’t go and tell them that.
    there are bigger evils in the world. why dont you focus all of the energy that you use for the crap that you are spewing and use it for good and let decent people live their lives in peace. Sadie does so much good in her life, teaches her kids to be good, open minded and caring kids, you really could take a lesson from them. dont hide behind your religion and attempt to frighten them with telling them they are going to hell because they dont agree with you or because you are scared.
    Yes I think sadie could have infuenced many people if she had stayed a sunday school teacher. perhaps there would be a group of children who believed in god but are also open enough to see the fact that being gay is not a bad thing. a person who is gay is no different than you or me, they bleed the same if they are cut, they will die the same if they are shot, their love for their mate and children is no different than the love you have for your mate and children..
    as far as your comment about a mans penis, guess what a mans penis also fite quite nicely in your mouth and ass.. and a vibrator and dildo fit quite nicely in a womans “hole” as you put it. you should try it all, its quite liberating.
    no i am not gay, i am happily married with children of my own, but i have many friends who are. no i am not religious but I am spiritual, i believe that everyone should be treated equally and fairly no matter their race, sexuality, sex or religion. yes there are people who i can not stand, some gay, some black, some men, some woman, but i dislike them for who they are not what they are.
    live your life the way you chose, let those around you live their lives the way they want, have tolerance and maybe someday this society can be better than what it is.

    • Heather says:

      nice post SBI.

      I too have difficulty tolerating the picking and choosing that “Christians” do with Biblical scriptures. Seems awfully convenient to just ignore the teachings that they deem “outdated”, (like being stoned to death in public for working on a Sunday) but hold on for dear life to the ones they use to condemn others that were born with different characteristics then themselves.

      …and then that just opens you up to why religion exists in the first place. seems that people would be more productive citizens and kinder to their fellow man if they just believed in Being Productive Citizens and Being Kind to Their Fellow Man. Seems more logical to me.

  118. shells,

    My God says “Do not judge, lest you be judged”… I think you failed to remember that one.
    Becky Ryan-Willis recently posted..Disney/Pixar’s Brave-Premier Photos Now AvailableMy Profile

  119. Bill Myers says:

    Aw, man, are we doing this again? For crying out loud!

    First, I haven’t had time to read every new post so if I repeat that which was already said I apologize.

    Anyway…

    Shells, Shells, Shells… I used to be a devout Catholic and used my religion to justify my prejudice toward homosexuals. I’ve been where you are. Which is why I’m not angry with you, and I don’t condemn you. How could I? It would be hypocritical.

    I’d rather try to help you see why the path of understanding and acceptance is actually the more righteous way to go. Unfortunately, I truly doubt anything I could write could change your mind today. After all, it took me many years to grasp the fundamental truth that homosexuality is not a perversion or a sin.

    Instead, I’d like to address your interpretation of Christianity. As I said, I used to be a devout Catholic, so I know a bit about the Christian point-of-view. When I became a teenager, I noticed a big disconnect between what was in the Gospels and the way most Christians acted. For instance, you implore Sadie to accept Christ, yet your words are not very Christ-like. Do you recall the story in the Gospels where a group of angry men were about to stone the prostitute, Mary Magdelene, to death? Jesus intervened and invited “he who is without sin to cast the first stone.” No one in the angry mob was able to claim to be sinless, so they dispersed. Jesus then turned to Mary Magdelene and said, “Has no man condemned you? Then nor do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

    Your words amount to casting verbal stones at Sadie. Are you really sinless, Shells? Seriously?

    Now you may want to focus on Jesus’ admonition to Mary Magdelene to stop sinning. Are you Jesus, though? Are you really in a position to admonish Sadie? Remember, according to the Bible, Jesus truly was without sin. I doubt you can say the same, Shells.

    Before you implore others to accept Christ into their hearts, I’d urge you to re-read the Gospels. You are not emulating Christ, Shells. Not at all. Before you point a finger at others, I’d urge you to work on yourself.

    Sadie — For the record, I no longer believe that homosexuality is a sin. I’m just trying to find a basis on which Shells and I can communicate. I changed my ways. I know that others can too. That’s how we’ll turn this around — one person at a time.

  120. Donna George says:

    You SO need to the get the t-shirt I got for my daughter. It says “All the Cool Girls are Lesbians”. I won it in a giveaway and I let her choose. She is a proud gay woman, and I am her proud hetero step-mama. I might just get one for myself. Of course if I wore it to work (I’m a teacher in a public school”, I might just get banned :)

  121. Jeanne says:

    Ugh! I hate it when that happens. You start making a connection and wham. Deal breaker stupidity hits you in the face. The only people in my life that talk like that are relatives that I have laboriously chosen not to disown. I do pray for them, regularly.
    Jeanne recently posted..My Mom is losing it!My Profile

  122. Mandy says:

    Wow

  123. Mandy says:

    Wow..Im not a big reader..but DAMN you are a great blogger!!!! I run into the same situations on everyday basis..being in the health field .. I help people..funny because when they start ranting and raving about the “dyke” with the short hair and the “fag” they saw walking down the street … I simply smile and continue my care for them..because little do they know…this long hair shouldnt fool them..Im a lesbian too..with 3 children and a girlfriend at home..and that “dyke” with the short hair is her…lol..I never let on or complain about what they are saying. They get my undivided loving care nomatter what they say. They are people just as much as I am. Great job with your blog. Your family is beautiful..u should be proud;)

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you for the compliments and thank you for stopping by. :) I met someone this weekend that told me she was “very much against homosexual relations”… whatever that means… and all I could do was say “we are all entitled to our own opinions” – because if I had opened the flood gates, much more would have come out. I know it must be hard dealing with that, taking care of people like that, and not being able to say anything. You’re a strong woman!

  124. Ugh, it blows my mind that people still think like this. I’m so sorry that you experienced that. You have a beautiful family and these people need to just grow up and stay out of everyone’s business. Gay people are not ruining this country. People like Randy are. I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if I were you. Props to you for being the bigger person girl. He deserved a swift kick in the nuts.
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  125. Lindsey says:

    You did to Randy what he and other bigots aren’t able to do, you listened to his opinion, gave him the floor, and let him think what he wanted to think. You are right, you aren’t affecting their marriage so I don’t understand how your are destroying marriage. Gah! It makes me so mad! Thanks for writing this, I really hope that someone sees it from Home Depot.
    Lindsey recently posted..Things I Found on the Interwebs (3)My Profile

  126. I’m sorry you encountered that. I think your family is beautiful, and I don’t think it matters if you are gay, straight, multi-ethnic, etc…. if you have LOVE, you have it all. You can offer your children more than so many other children have because you have a LOVING FAMILY. They are very lucky children. *hugs*
    christine recently posted..Rockin’ Green Soap Review & GiveawayMy Profile

  127. Manticore of Reality says:

    I believe that vegetarians should not be allowed to marry other vegetarians because of the food pyramid and the need to have balanced meals. When vegetarians marry, they threaten the balanced food of all other families, as we well know. The bible says, “Lay down not with other eaters of vegetation lest ye besmirch yourself” or something like that.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Best comment ever!! LOL

  128. Davandra says:

    I’m sorry to hear you had to deal with the ignorance of “Randy”. It is because of people like him that gays/lesbians are continuing to struggle. I am all for any man or woman to be who they are, regardless of sexual orientation. Love is Love. What does it matter to any one person who another loves? No one is better than the other. We are ALL loved by God, equally. If God did not intend for there to be gays/lesbians, he would not have created people that way. I am a straight Catholic, born and raised that way, and I have a gay uncle who is the best. I would definitely sign anything that would give gays/lesbians equal rights, including marriage. Stay strong and love who you are. Be proud always!

  129. Jill M says:

    I think these days, it makes me more sad than it does angry to hear this crap.
    I think you did the right thing, not causing a scene in the store. All that would have done would have “justified” his homophobia in his little mind – “See, look how crazy this damned lesbian is!” One can only hope that someday he’ll realize that someone else’s sexuality has zero impact on his life and someone else being able to marry doesn’t affect his marriage.

  130. Shan says:

    ok…..let me start with, I am ALL FOR Gay marriage and post it ALL the time! I am all for 100% equal rights for parental responsibility, finances and health care!

    BUT- many people feel as he does, unlike what he thinks, he’s not the minority.

    I don’t teach my children hatred, bigotry or any other type of discriminatory opinions or what have you. I was in the GLB and Diversity Club in school, went to a World of Difference Conference in Boston (A-MAZ-ING!) My children have friends with two Moms and a gay Uncle…..

    BUT, it’s hard work keeping them from believing the hatred, so openly spewed by so many people. It’s hard to be the person who stands for equality and their beliefs, even when they are THE only one…..I never said I’d take the easy path.

    I want my children to be open minded, loving, caring people and I want them to raise their children the same. In order to help others understand why I feel like I do, I openly discuss it. I know it’s not easy and not everyone is receptive….but it’s always worth a shot.

    I was once told I was the only “f*cking liberal I like!” by a lovely man, who I think is AWESOME….but of a different generation than I am. We conversed about politics, gay marriage, the bible and schools….we agree on very little. In the end, he says “yeah, maybe just let them live like that if they want”…perfect? NO…better? I think so.

    Anyway, my point is this – many people who have these thoughts have fear….fear of the unknown, fear of what will happen to them, if they’re openly accepting….etc. Try to share and educate them….who knows, maybe you’re the first lesbian he’s met.
    Shan recently posted..$1.00 off GARNIER Shampoo, Conditioner, Treatment **FREE Product!!*My Profile

  131. Tricia Igo says:

    the misguided thought that Gay Marriage undermines or ruins Heterosexual Marriage has never really made much sense to me – for the same reasons you raised in your letter to Randy. My husband and I are not threatened by the fact that gay marriage is legal in our home state (MA) – we feel that ALL couples should be able to share their love in the same way we’re able to with our marriage. I’m sorry you had to hear Randy’s comments and I’m glad to hear your daughter was distracted and not negatively impacted by his uneducated words.

    • Joyce says:

      “Misguided” – you hit the nail spot on!! I don’t know about anyone else, but I am getting tired of being told the bible says it’s wrong. I know the bible says its wrong, but why are they just picking on this particular subject that the bible says is wrong when there are many, many things that the bible says is wrong? That statement isn’t working so well anymore so they are resorting to the old ‘fear’ excuses – ‘Let’s tell people that it destroys traditional marriage and is a threat to mankind.’

      I have had the following conversation with many anti gay people:
      I ask: “I’m just curious, how, exactly, does it destroy traditional marriage and threaten mankind?”
      They say: “A traditional marriage is one man and one woman and a gay couple cannot procreate.”
      Me: “Everyone should have the right to marry another person. And, not everyone wants children. Having children is a choice.”
      Them: “It’s physically impossible for a gay couple to conceive and that threatens mankind”
      Me: “Gay couples don’t want to take over the world, they just want to marry the person they love.”
      Them: “The bible says it’s wrong.”

      This is life, there aren’t always clear answers and people shouldn’t use their own beliefs, ideologies, and fears to tell other people how to live.

  132. I just came across your letter on an lgbt site. I’m originally from the St. Louis area. I left due in large part to the close-mindedness of much of society there. I’m straight and white. Which only means that I was exposed to more verbal hate because people tend to think that if you are “like” them then you agree with them. You know?

    Our country is evolving. This past elections proved it.

    Stay strong.

    • SlapDashMom says:

      Thank you, Staci. Where did you move? Is it any better?

  133. Rachel Beltz says:

    Thank you for sharing this little rant! :) I absolutely hate when you think you have met someone new, and open minded, and then they have to ruin it because of one thing like that. ESPECIALLY something like that. Love is love, I HOPE Randy found this, he should rethink his stance on equality ;) You did the right thing though by walking away <3 You respected his views, (even though personally, I think his views are WRONG-O) and left the situation peacefully. Admittedly, I just found your blog, through another blog, and I absolutely love it so far… Your family is so darn adorable!!! :)

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  136. vin says:

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