Slap Dash Mom » blogging, parenting, homeschooling.

How in the &*%^? Seriously, Google, WTF?

I was checking out my incoming search terms today, just to see what I should maybe post about some more... or what's getting people here to my blog. It seems Google sends quite a bit of traffic my way, which is awesomesauce even though I don't like them... but there are a few search terms that I'm confused about. Now tell me, why would Google send people to my blog based on these search terms:

*teens having (well, ya know) (What the hell?)
*how to get rid of an aching vagina (Maybe my sore vagina post?)
*leasban daughter with mom (My daughter is not a lesbian post?)
*black 13 year old boy - and variations like "fine ass 13 year old black boys"(Zimmerman post?)
*toe raises (Umm, calf raises, perhaps)
*i like it like that (Err, really? haha)
*gay kiss on the ass (Who the hell actually kisses asses? I know I didn't write about that!)
*folsone dog gone my aching back (I have nothing to say. Weird.)
*i like my daughter ass (Creepy. As. Hell. Go away!)

There are others that not even Slap Dash Mom will type out for the public to see. They're really creepy, weird, and just plain obscene. I just wonder how people get to my site based on that. But now that I've typed them out, more weirdos will probably show up. *waves*

crazy inbound search terms

Now here are some search terms from people I wish I could talk to:

*what if I'm a lesbian and I'm 14 - I'd love to talk to you and let you know it's okay to explore your feelings, even if others don't agree with them.
*kirk cameron douchebag - Oh girrrrrl (or guy), you and I are on the same page. He needs to advertise for Summer's Eve. Let's be BFFs.
*baby poop pictures - Why? Just... why?
*what if i don't believe in god anymore - Honey, it's okay. We all go through phases in our life and this may be a phase for you.. or it may be part of a transformation into something much different than you've ever experienced. Either way, go with it. I hope you read my Journey Away from god post.
*lesbian moms on pinterest - Hey! I'm here! *waves and jumps up and down* Be my friend? :)

I'd like to teach these people how to spell:

*she came out a lesbean now marryed to a man (lulz)
*fitnesd inspiration (Okay, maybe it was a typo.)
*jenifeir aniestons spending habits (Dude. Really?)

Thanks for the link juice, Google, but after reading some of those I feel like I need an STD check.

What are some of the craziest search terms that have brought people to your blog?

Image: Stuart Miles /

log in - Your mode of describing the whole thing in this paragraph
is really nice, every one be capable of effortlessly know it, Thanks a

Nikki - OMG for some reason this just cracked me up!

Ann Williams - Funny. I know I have had some bizarre ones, too. A lot of people must have a feet fetish because of the hits I get.

Summer Davis - This is FANTASTIC. My favorite EVER was when someone googled, “Banana Hammock with separate hammock for each ball” and found my site. That was my FAVORITE.

I get hits from people who are suffering depression and want to kill themselves (I’m not shy about my PPD)

I get hits from people searching, “White Kids Frolicking” and “Kids of all races holding hands” on a daily basis.

EllenL - Interesting! lol

My blog is not up and running yet…cannot wait for my opp to write this post myself

Melody - Something about the apocolypse right after I made my bloc. Now its all the Austin Fisher searches because my blot is like second on the list lol

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